moosh in indy.

February 18, 2011

So remember when I was all “OH MY FACE! SO SAD!” in regards to the petichiae that had flared up so badly as a result of all my vomiting?

(For anyone unaware, petichiae are ruptured capillaries just under the surface of the skin, some are raised and bumpy others are flush but bright red…they are most often the result of violent and excessive vomiting.)

Well it hasn’t gotten any better. And they’re not going anywhere.

I know darn well they’re there. And I know full well you can see them too. I know the lady at the grocery store could see them because she asked what was wrong with my face. I know every doctor I see can see them because it’s one of the first things they comment on.

I don’t care.

I have stopped trying to cover them with makeup every time I go out. It was not only getting expensive, it was getting ridiculous. I have well moisturized skin, lovely blue eyes, very well behaved lashes very few blemishes and I found a lip color that makes me happy.

All this red rashy blotchiness? It’s part of who I am now, my red badge of courage if you will.

It doesn’t hurt. It’s not contagious. There’s no long term damage.

Many women have stretch marks on various body parts. Many other people have scars from surgeries or marks from injuries sustained in the past. Some people have gaps in their teeth or different color eyes or gray hair. I have a mottled face, proof I sacrificed something worldly society holds in very high esteem in order to get something I wanted.

No one’s ever said “Your face looks stupid, I don’t want to be your friend.”

I mean, people have said mean stuff to me, but generally when people are saying mean things to you? It’s because they’re stupid.

Or something like that.

Repeat after me…

“Love me, love my __________”

No related posts.

Comments off.

Sing it! As someone that suffers from psoriasis – and had a flare so bad during a horrible job that it covered over 20% of my body – I have finally come to peace with being scary looking. I see the pity in the eyes of adults, and the jarring look children give me. I have healed, which means that I have huge white blotches covering that 20% of my body, but I am at peace with myself. I even wore some short sleeved shirts during summer. It’s not contagious, the public will just have to deal with it.

And if you want to share the name/shade of that lip color you found I would love to hear it.

high fives,
Kymmi

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 3:56 pm

@Kymmi, Love Kymmi, love her psoriasis.

The magic balm is Fresh Sugar Rose Lip Balm. Luxurious and the perfect shade of pink.

Belly! I have a perfectly round pot belly on an otherwise slim and proportionate frame, and it has a perfect dartboard pattern of stretch marks. It’s hard to find pants that fit, but darn it, I got 3 baby boys from this belly and I am trying SO. HARD. to come to terms with it.

Every time you write about peichiae, it makes me think about paczki. Which is totally not even the same kind of thing, but it may be some kind of insight into my “love me” issue: Love me, love my whole oversized self.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:21 pm

@Nichole, Yeah, totally not the same thing but count me in on the paczki train.

Love me, love my stretch marks. Have them all over – nothing I can help, they are just there!

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:22 pm

@Julia, I was getting out of the bath last night when Addie asked “WHAT ARE THOSE?” about the stretch marks on my thighs.

Took all I had not to respond “hereditary, sorry kid.”

I DO love you!

And I say “Love me, love my stretch marks and my pregnancy-induced face full’a zits, my hunchy posture and my chicken legs.”

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:23 pm

@Heather of the EO, Your chicken legs are better than any colonel has ever cooked up.

now THIS is a damn fine post, missy.

also, when i read, “All this red rashy blotchiness?” i saw “All this red rashy BIOTCHINESS” which seemed appropriate too.

::fist pump::

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:24 pm

@nic @mybottlesup, It does look an awful lot like that! And yes, sadly, some days it is true.

You are beautiful just as you are, my lovely friend.

For me? Love me, love my grey hairs…because I kinda like them. I’ve earned them. I am done covering them up even though I’m only 30.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:24 pm

@Issa, Addie calls grey hairs “fairy hair” so THERE.

memphislis Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:36 pm

@Casey, you seriously, seriously have an AWESOME kid. I am a teacher and when I have kids like Addie, they make my whole year better. They’re sorta rare.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:44 pm

@memphislis, Until she told my dad I couldn’t take her to the park today because I didn’t have the proper bra on. Which is actually probably hysterical to you.

Issa Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:46 pm

@Casey, Addie is my favorite.

It’s just here and there. I just honestly like it.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:46 pm

@Issa, I have a friend with the most lovely black hair with silver streaks in it, even I tell her she’s not allowed to do a thing with her fairy hair.

Sara Sophia Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I love Addie so very very much

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:45 pm

@Sara Sophia, She would like you very very much.

*mwah*

love you lots.

me, well…..

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:24 pm

@Domestic Extraordinaire, Love me, love you. Period.

Domestic Extraordinaire Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 7:19 pm

@Casey, love you and love me.

wearing my red lips and feeling sassy

*mwah*

I am not so patient. I would probably be like, “Well, you see I am pregnant. Pregnant people puke. I puke so hard this happens. Anymore questions?” Regardless, you are beautiful.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:25 pm

@Kelli, Oh man, you should see the color drain from some faces when I say “It’s ruptured blood vessels from barfing so much.” It’s both satisfying and guilt inducing, but hey, if you ask…

My husband has psoriasis. It covers 80 percent of his skin surface. 80 percent. The only place unaffected for him is his feet, his hands and his face.

Skin problems mean nothing to me.

I think you look beautiful and you rock the red.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

@Redneck Mommy, It’s probably just because he was too handsome for his own good, had to knock boo back a few notches.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Casey-moosh in indy., JennaFarelyn. JennaFarelyn said: RT @mooshinindy: new post. http://tinyurl.com/5w7up2j love me, love my ________ [...]

love me, love my really whacked up belly button.

Colleen Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:08 pm

@designhermomma,
I don’t know… we just might need to see the whacked up belly button.
: )

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:26 pm

@Colleen, Um, Emily would most likely win, hers made sound effects.

Colleen Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:30 pm

@Casey, A belly button with sound effects??? I imagine that might be fun.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:35 pm

@Colleen, fun, disturbing, whatever…

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:27 pm

@designhermomma, week 16…

Briana Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 10:35 pm

@designhermomma,
oh, Emily, whacked out belly buttons…..i have you beat for sure!

Great post! Love you, girl.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:27 pm

@Barb @ getupandplay, right back atchu’ baby.

Love me, love my shoulder acne. Love me, love my depression.
Love me, love my migraines.

Life is what it is. I still rock the Casbah. And so do you. Seriously, girl.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:27 pm

@Corey, Oh man, love me love my hip mole is another winner.

I love this: “I have a mottled face, proof I sacrificed something worldly society holds in very high esteem in order to get something I wanted” SO MUCH. I love that so, so much. And you. xoxo

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:28 pm

@Cameron, The best part is when cosmetics promise me the world? I can say with all honesty…no way, there’s no handling this.

I have rosacea. (It’s also a red blotchy face thing.) Sometimes it’s barely there. Sometimes it flares. I never know. I tried different creams and treatments. Nothing worked all the time.
Whatever. I give up. Sometimes my face is pinker than other times. Whatcha gonna do?

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:28 pm

@Colleen, I’d take pink over green. Which I have been at times.

Love me, love my gap! Sigh…I don’t mind the gap. What I mind is that it keeps growing after I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Oh well.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:30 pm

@DWJ, Did you know that the French call them lucky teeth? It’s true.

“dents du bonheur”

I learned it from Amy and her lovely gap. Makes me envious of y’all and your lucky French teeth.

Good for you. It is time people learned to be a little leas judgmental, especially regarding other people’s physical appearance, or indeed their mental well-being.

You look wonderful.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 5:31 pm

@Penbleth, Thank you. To think, my nose used to be my biggest (pun!) worry.
Ah to grow up and learn…

Love me, love my big, fat arse, my bad skin, and the rosacea on my cheeks. The busted capillaries and other spots that I have yet to find a name for should be included in that, too. I’m just a HOT mess

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:47 pm

@Katie, a hot lovable mess apparently! yay!

Love me, love my less than AA cup size…(except when I am pregnant…I jump to a whopping B!).

Katie Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:00 pm

@Windy, I’ll trade you cup sizes! My boyfriend thinks I’m crazy, but I’m happiest when they’re tiny. My B1/2s (who knew there was such a thing??) are too much for me. I’m afraid of what will happen when I do get pregnant!

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:48 pm

@Katie, Yeah. F. 34F. I win. Or lose, depending on how you look at it.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:47 pm

@Windy, I sometimes wonder what would happen to my AA (maybe even AAA sister if she were to gestate a baby.)

Windy Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:28 pm

@Casey, Sad thing is, all THREE of my sisters and my mother are DD’s….maybe I am adopted?

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:31 pm

@Windy, Nope, my sister is barely a AA. She also has olive skin. I have boobs for days and skin fairer than Snow White.

Windy Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:34 pm

@Casey, DANG…I was hoping I was adopted…at least lately.

Love Casey, love her petichiae! ???

I’m right there with Katie and the rosacea. And of course my weight. And stretch marks.

So love me, love my ALL of me. Cause there is a lot to love.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:48 pm

@Untypically Jia, Well you’re in luck because I do love all of you.

Gosh! You just so rock! I seriously wuv you!

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:49 pm

@Lauraszoo, right back at you sugarpea!

Love me, love my muffin top… also earned from growing a kid in my womb.

Then again, sometimes I wonder if mine is really a “cupcake top” and is actually the product of my deep burning love for cupcakes???

And like everyone else has said, you’re wonderful just the way you are!

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 6:49 pm

@Maura B, Let’s just call it a cupcake top because they’re the best and they come with frosting. Muffins don’t come with frosting.

That line isn’t long enough for all my “love my’s”

Awesome post. Love YOU.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:32 pm

@maile, It’s long enough for “Love myself.” Which you should. Because you’re that lovely.

love this.

hrm. Love me, love my, um, bulbous nose?

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:32 pm

@alimartell, Bulbous nose my bulbous bum.

I have a slight OCD that leads me to pick at my skin in ways that leave sometimes fairly yucky scars. I have always hated when people ask “What happened to you?” Look, moron, I don’t want to talk about it with anyone, much less some random grocery store stranger. But it always catches me unprepared. I stammer something stupid. I wish I had the wits to ask “Why do you care?” but I never do.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:33 pm

@Suebob, Um, if anyone has the wits to say “Why do you care?” it’s you. For reals. Just be sure to record the incident for my entertainment.

Love you love your cute face.
It’s a badge of honor just like the dark patch on my cheek that looks just like the remnant of a cigarette burn… Oh lovely mask of pregnancy!

My girls get the little blood vessel things when they have asthma attacks. It makes me so sad to see, like it’s the physical proof of how hard they were struggling to breathe.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:36 pm

@Jessica R., Oh man, yeah. I can feel them when they happen, but usually what’s happening when they happen kind of overshadows the sting of them happening.

That’s a lot happening up in that reply.

Love me, love my agoraphobia, my ample shape and the feelings of unworthiness that tend to go along with those. Best post I’ve read in a while doll. And I think you look lovely

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 8:39 pm

@Karen, Well I love you for your honesty and I think you’re plenty worthy of an awful lot.
So there.

You definitely know how to rock ruptured capillaries!

———-

Love me, love my sarcasm. Oh, and my mood changes.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 9:25 pm

@punkinmama, Your sarcasm is one of my favorite things about you.

punkinmama Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 8:47 am

@Casey,

I also forgot to mention: Love me, love my big butt. I think it’s the fount of my sarcasm… it’s why it’s so big.

I love that you’re embracing it. You’re gorgeous inside and out.

And love ME? Love my thighs that touch. No matter how hard I work it, that will always be the case.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 9:26 pm

@Elaine, My thighs touch too. And nope, they never won’t. It’s cool, when I wear corduroy my thighs make really nifty “voot voot” noise.

Oh Casey, you are so lovely. It’s hard to see past your beautiful soul and notice the skin. Truly.

Love me, love my stretch marks. I think of Madeline’s feet kicking inside me every time I see them.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:36 pm

@Katie @ Nap Time in Naptown, Was it you who said you could feel a stretch mark pop when your baby kicked you one time? Because HELLO battle scar.

I’m 33 and have yet to find a gray hair on my head. But lucky me, they’ve popped up elsewhere.

love me, love my chin wiskers.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:37 pm

@glamgranola, OOH! I have three chin whiskers, one random neck hair, two random chest hairs and my boobs? Dude.

LOL…love me…love my ugly feet. (*shudders* I hate feet)

You…are awesome…and I took no notice of any skin issues on Wednesday. Make up, schmmakeup…your inner beauty hid everything.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:38 pm

@Sarah, Oh man, I have pretty feet. But I understand the hating feet thing, you’re not alone.

(Doesn’t really matter when you wrap them in such hot boots, and Dr. Scholl’s apparently!)

Sarah Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 12:09 am

@Casey,

No…hot boots & Dr. Scholl’s make EVERYTHING better…and cover up the ugliness to make things so much…well, HOTTER.

Yeah, hubby abuses me by touching me with his feet far too often…intentionally. He gets such a kick out of taunting me w/ his feet that he does it in his sleep! It’s traumatic, emotional abuse I tell you.

*shudders* Feet.

I love this and your attitude.

Love me, love my pot-belly.

I’ve had it forever – even as a 95 pound freshman in high school. I have just enough lordosis (sway back) that out my front pops. I’ve gone thru different comfort levels with it. But I’ve stopped doing crunches to make it ‘go away’. I don’t want my kids to see me sucking in all the time. I just want to be.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:39 pm

@Alex@LateEnough, OH MAN, I had a ballet teacher that STRAPPED A YARDSTICK TO MY BACK in an attempt to fix my sway back.
(shiver)
Now I think of it as an extra luscious curve.

Love me, love my belly.
Which after 4 pregnancies and 3 c-sections will never, ever be pretty again without surgical intervention. It is squishy, lumpy, has some wicked c-section scars on it, and doesn’t look pretty in a swimsuit anymore – but that belly housed my 3 beautiful little boys. So love me, love my belly.

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:40 pm

@Kira, What’s so fantastic is mom bellies bond us all. Sure we cover them with cute shirts and sweaters but underneath it all? We’re all the same lumpy bumpy lovelies.

…love my cystic adult acne…
My zits got worse with age and when i was 26, decided to go on Accutane because my whole face was always swollen and red. It was so embarrassing. I am glad I went on Accutane, even though it was really difficult. I feel your pain and hope your skin clears up soon! And for the record, I didn’t even notice your skin, the other night! I thought you looked great!

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:42 pm

@Sarah partain, When I had PCOS I had the most horrible painful cystic acne…I was willing to do anything to get rid of it. It was MY FACE!! I think a lot of my ability to deal with this whole face mess stems from dealing with the acne.

Same thing with me..only I burst the blood vessels in my eyes as well…bites!

Casey Reply:
February 18th, 2011 at 11:43 pm

@LibraryGirl62, That totally happened with Addie, I lucked out this time around. Talk about rough right?

I feel your pain. At 8 months along I was “lucky enough” to get Bells Palsy. The whole let side of my face was frozen and appeared to be sliding off my face. Whenever ever anyone stared I told them I was doing an impression of Quasimoto from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. It either made myself and the person laugh or it stopped the questions. Anyway, way to rock your look chicka!

Casey Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 2:47 pm

@BloggerMama, I would have been one of the laughing ones…actually, I wouldn’t have asked in the first place. Because I’m that awesome.

First off, you are lovely and beautiful and I absolutely love you to pieces.
Love me, love my stretch marks, crooked nose, short hair that I’m desperately trying to grow out, my flab, and my grief, which I feel like is visible.

Casey Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 2:48 pm

@Karen Sugarpants, Can I say I love your pink wig? Yes? And as far as grief being visible, my favorite quote is “Character, like film, develops in darkness.”
It’s totally true.

Well if it makes you feel any better, I got a face full of them when I drank way too much alcohol one stupid teenage night…they eventually went away and yours will too. Knowing that yours were earned as a Mother’s rite of passage is way cooler than a night of binge drinking

Casey Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 2:49 pm

@Kimberly, WHEE THE TEENAGE LUSH DAYS! (do. not. miss.)

Oh dear. I’m so sorry, hon. That looks painful. I hope it isn’t.

Seriously crazy all the weird pregnancy symptoms that can happen! I hope that goes away soon!

Casey Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 2:49 pm

@molly, It’s not painful (I mean, it doesn’t feel awesome when they happen but the pain doesn’t stick around.)

This? Is awesome.

Love me, love my autoimmune disease. Love me, love my depression.

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 pm

@Elizabeth Kaylene, I love a good autoimmune disease, especially if it means I can bring you soup.

love me, love my big mouth.

love me, love the spare tire I keep around my waist.

love me, love my unibrow (when I don’t have time to wax it).

and I love you…all of you.

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:13 pm

@Katie, I agreed with someone earlier we were going to rename spare tires to cupcake tops because cupcake tops come with frosting.
And unibrow? Girl, at this moment I have you BEAT!

Love me, love my deep belly button of doom.

Love me, love my neck scar and the history that lies beneath it.

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:14 pm

@Overflowing Brain (Katie), I can’t wait to see your bellybutton when you’re pregnant, that will prove who the true winner is.

your confidence is amazing… and i love it. You are very beautiful!! when I was pregnant with my 3rd my face broke out like I had rolled around in some french fries or something – or i was possibly entering puberty. I dont know what on earth happened the 3rd time – but unlike my 1st two pregnancies, I had no glow – I had full blown acne, and i told my husband it was like morning sickness on my face – i was extremely upset and avoided public at all cost, make up couldnt even cover it – it cleared up some after the 1st trimester, but it took months before i felt normal again… its crazy that i let the worlds “thoughts on beauty” affect me so much…

i couldnt help what had happened… i shouldnt of been so vain.

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:15 pm

@Drea, It’s so hard when it’s YOUR FACE! Something everyone looks at no matter what. I had a hard time with my face too, I almost wished for stretchmarks because at least I could cover those up, yet I’m grateful for the lesson my face has taught me this time around.

Drea Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:36 pm

@Casey, awe yea stretch marks… phew got those BAD – yet id never admit it on my blog – its something im still not comfortable with. Although i mention it all over the place elsewhere, I make no sense LOL – I had no stretch marks until week 37 with my 1st pregnancy, and it was down hill from there.

Im tiny too… my mom has none, so I thought forsure that be me too.. nope The Lord has taught me a lot about being content with how we are created… and despite flaws we are still beautiful and just the way he wanted. Its all for a reason right?

But you are right, you can hide SM’s – to a degree any way…

You are delightful, and I’d rather be delightful and have petichiae than look perfect and have the personality of a shoe. (That said, I marvelled at the porcelin skin on your neck–lovely! So you do have that going for you

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:17 pm

@Mrs4444, As I said in my email to you, youth. Totally wasted on the young.

Oh, and P.S. My husband’s grandma (when someone complained that someone else had passed gas) always chirped, “Love me, love my stink!”

and you know there’s a light at the end of the petichiae tunnel.

love me, love my belly that gave me 4 babies, including a set of twins, that won’t go anywhere, no matter how fit i am. and i’m pretty fit.

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:17 pm

@mommymae, any belly that can produce four babies is fit in so many ways in my book.

Good attitude!

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:18 pm

@Holly, As long as I don’t walk through department store makeup departments? I can keep it up. Most of the time.

Dang that is intense. Yeah I totally thought my stomach flu was bad, this is worse. You win. You totally win because you have a cute baby growing inside of you and I don’t!

Love me love my belly that looks like an elephant’s butt. The abdominal wall was ripped in half so it buldges out like a butt and the skin is so stretched with the meanest stretch marks in the world. Exactly like an elephant’s butt. Love me love my elephant butt belly.

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:19 pm

@Damaris @Kitchen Corners, My belly is *thisclose* to herniating, so elephant butt belly? You’ll be in good company in the coming months!!

Love me, love my weight. I’ve been overweight since I was 9 years old. I’ve tried just about every diet to come around the bend and my weight has fluctuated over years, but I’ve never been thin (or even remotely close to it). So, now that I am 35 years old, I’m tired of trying to be what the world thinks I should be, thin. That most likely will never happen for me. I won’t give up trying to be healthy and fit, but I won’t kill myself to do it. So, keep your comments about my weight to yourself and take a good long look in the mirror. None of us are perfect and that is the way God planned it.

Your red face is beautiful (and so is your pregnant belly, which I envy)!

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:21 pm

@Melissa, The world should really learn to mind it’s own business.
As an earlier commenter said, I’d rather have my flaws than the personality of a shoe.

Biddy Reply:
February 23rd, 2011 at 1:35 am

@Melissa, you pretty much just read my mind! i’ve always been the fat girl, no matter what i try and I’m actually learning to be OK with it

my very large over pronounced thighs that I have discovered in the last year can out squat my husband, out lunge my friends and out leg extend many men at the gym. They are big, they aren’t pretty like Beyonce’s, they aren’t slim like Carrie Underwoods and they don’t look that great in a pair of shorts but they are STRONG!!!

Casey Reply:
February 22nd, 2011 at 11:22 pm

@heather bays, Dude, my thighs are really meaty, short and thick but ready for some serious @$$ kicking at a moments notice.

I get that too when I vomit. Particularly on my eyelids.

And clearly I hear you given my struggle with acne this past year. You go girl.

Casey Reply:
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:21 am

@Aimee Giese | Greeblemonkey, I adore your burned corneas. (never thought I’d say that one.)

love me, love my bat wings, extra chins, and my big ol belly…oh and my stretch marks…lawsy mercy the stretch marks!

Casey Reply:
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:22 am

@Biddy, Addie thinks stretch marks make you look like a tiger.
And tigers are awesome.

Love me, love my thighs. And the facial hair I work hard to conceal or remove every single day. Maintaining TWO eyebrows is tough work. Never said that “out loud.” Thanks for giving me the courage.

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