moosh in indy.

an open letter to medical professionals.

March 23, 2011

Dear doctors who have been/will be treating treating me,

Please stop being so surprised when you touch, measure, feel, weigh, look at or talk to me. Look, girls don’t take kindly to surprised comments let alone medical observations. I know that when I answer the door and my friend says “Whoa, bad day?” that I’ve looked better. I know that when Cody comes home and says “Oof, you’re not doing so well are you?” I most certainly resemble a warm shade of death. So when I lie down on your medical table with my giant belly exposed and you mutter something about “Whoa! Well…” with your eyebrows raised as you turn and scribble something down in my chart?

Keep your expressions to yourself buddy.

Unless you’re going to finish that sentence with “Whoa…well you’re the most lovely pregnant lady I’ve ever had the pleasure of treating” I don’t want to hear it. Same goes for those weird questions like, “Sooo, do big heads run in your family?” I can only assume that I’ve suddenly become that golden goose for that medical study you’ve been working on for so long.

And I swear, if I get in that delivery room with my glory spread for this baby to come into the world and someone dares to utter any level of “Whoa!” in my general direction. I’m going to fight you. Or aim my placenta at you. Whatever.

Sincerely,

Casey

Comments off.

Or just kick them in the head.

You need to teach a class in couth in med school.

SERIOUSLY and a huge AMEN!!

I once had to see another OB who was covering for mine at a checkup. She actually stated my weight, then said:

“You might want to consider just eating a PIECE of cake – not the whole thing.”

Niiiiiice.

FTR: I was on bedrest for 3 months, so, not a lot of options for exercise. I gained a total of 45 pounds, which isn’t THAT unusual, but, WHO CARES??!! Unless it’s medically related/waranted, keep the comments to yourself, dear doctor/nurse.

I love the idea of aiming your placenta. Brilliant!!

Wendy Reply:
March 23rd, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I had a very similar thing happen to me with both my pregnancies. As if we don’t know we’ve gained weight and aren’t already miserable about it. I cried for over a week about it until I decided my doctor was jealous of my beautiful largeness.

I got, “You have an adequate birth canal.” I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or not but I was kind of impressed with my birth canal and its adequacy.

I love it Casey!

Sorry people are jerky. However, if anyone could precisely aim a placenta, my money’s on you. Go get em!
You’re pretty. Don’t forget that.

As a nurse I almost always try to focus on something lovely & complement my OB patients because I know most of them aren’t feeling so hot. I also try to show my excitement with them. And I also often have to hide my sadness when unwed teens come in for their 3rd pregnancy. Its tough for you guys, but it can be rough on us too.

Seconds after my son was born, the doctor said, “Whoa, somebody hasn’t been missing any meals!” He was referring to my rather round newborn, and I knew that. But I said, “You really shouldn’t say that to a woman in this state.” And he was terribly apologetic about it every time I saw him afterward, even after I told him I’d just been messing with him.

Michelle Reply:
March 24th, 2011 at 5:59 am

@Nichole, =)

Nine out of ten times the stupid comments come from men…hmmmmm….why is that? They don’t get it.

Engineer Bob Reply:
March 24th, 2011 at 1:23 pm

@Windy,
While most men don’t get it there are some men like myself that do.

Thanks for the laughs this morning!

Hahaha….absolutely!

I like that, aim your placenta, fire!

I had a very old male gynaecologist tell a young male med student, while I lay on the table legs asunder, “this is a very healthy uterus.”

I had a moment of worry of how they could see it from the outside. “Oh, oh, slipway’s widened!”

Your comment about aiming your placenta at them almost made me pee myself.

Oh I agree, lady. The first time I had a miscarriage and D&C, my doctor said (at the follow up appointment) “Well, looks like everything came out ok!” scribbled something on my chart and left.
I wanted to cry and then beat him with a blunt instrument for his lack of wit.
My mother is a nurse and she said the worst lack of tact she ever saw in a delivery room was the doctor (while stitching up mom’s wounded bits) turning to the husband and saying “So how tight you want it?”.
I told my husband that in a situation like that he is REQUIRED to respond with physical violence on my behalf.

Windy Reply:
March 23rd, 2011 at 1:49 pm

@Holly, Nice…how tacky.

Wow, you can aim those things?!? Cooooool.

You tell ‘em.

swearing is also helpful.

The placenta-pult… isn’t that a weapon in Plants vs. Zombies II?

It still astounds me that the brain does not engage before the mouth does for these professionals—however, I would pay good money to see that placenta fly!

I would be more than willing to write a strongly worded letter to your doctor on your behalf. If you miss him with the placenta, that is.

You carry pregnancy beautifully.

I’m sure I’m not the first, but let me say…Whoa, your belly is BEAUTIFUL

My mom ended up “squirting” a particularly asshatish doc in the face with fluid with my little sister.

So it can totally happen.

As a pre-med student who is female, I’m just wondering why you’re going to male doctors in the first place. Every time I sit in pre-med club with them and listen to them being ****y, I want to scream. So I can *SO* understand that feeling when they say stupid things (even though I’ve never been pregnant). I’m sorry those physicians are making you feel like that. *hugs*

And, apparently “c o c k y” is now a bad word? Hmm.

LOVE. And: amen, sister.

Ready, Aim, FIRE! Love it!

people still say “Whoa” when they see Eddie…and me.

It makes me feel stabby.

Ohhhh honey. I literally had someone look down there while I was delivering my third child and exclaim “WOW that’s a big head!” And y’know what, it WAS, but HOLY INAPPROPRIATE COMMENT, BATMAN! So yeah, I hear ya.

I love you

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS

much

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