43.5 inches.

That is the circumference of my waist this evening.

4 weeks from my due date with my second baby.

28 days.

A period.

I used to live my life in 28 day increments.

I am 28 years old. My birthday is on the 28th of April.

This year was my golden birthday.

Golden indeed.

I said it was going to be good and good it was.

There is even a chance it will end with me having my long awaited baby on the last day of my golden year.

(But I’d really rather that not happen, no offense, I really don’t want to share.)

I have been craving watermelon and Mexican food.

I have spent the last week nesting. And not just “kind of” nesting. But serious down to business there may be chapter about this being a problem type nesting in the back of some pregnancy book nesting. It happened with Addie too. Two weeks ago I was happy to be somewhere soft and horizontal and at 4 am Monday morning suddenly EVERYTHING needed to be done RIGHT NOW.

My very existence has been overtaken with parallel vacuum lines and perfectly dusted baseboards.

I had an astronomical to do list tapped out on my iPod on Monday morning. I checked off the final thing last night.

Pack a bag for the hospital.

Because I’m going to be having a baby. Any day now really.

I am so happy. So excited.

But there is still this lump. This phantom pain in the back of my heart.

While it seems as though everyone drank from the same fountain of fertility and found themselves pregnant, I know this isn’t true. I know because there are women left without their babies. Babies they are waiting for. Longing for. Desperate for. I know many of them are staying quiet, back in the shadows because their pain is all to real, and very much at the forefront of their mind.

They’re living their own 28 day trial right now, be it pregnancy tests, adoption papers, medical exams or results.

Every time Mozzi moves I drop what I’m doing and place my hand on my swollen belly. She’s in there and she’s mine.

My little miracle.

My daughter. (Well, okay, confession, I’m still convinced it’s a boy.)

28 days isn’t nearly enough time to appreciate how far I’ve come and how blessed I am.

But I guess that’s what eternity is for.

28 weeks

Taken at 28 weeks. When I was still kind of nimble and could get off the couch without mooing.

Comments

  1. Look at that gorgeous belly and that happy smile!!! Golden indeed.

  2. Michelle says:

    I love how you can be so happy, and I’m so excited for you too; but also so aware of those who aren’t in your position for whatever reason.

    Compassion, that’s what it is. I love your compassion.

  3. You are BEAUTIFUL!!!

  4. You deserve to be 28 shades of happy. And I’m happy for you.

  5. You are beautiful and glowing and OMG that belly…LOVE it! Please give it a rub from me!

  6. Just around the corner. Also, I must have sympathy cravings because all I want is a Mexican and watermelon, too.

    Steph

  7. One month?? Ahh, where does the time go?

    Also, if you need a Mexican food/watermelon delivery person… consider it done.

  8. Soooooo excited for you!!!!!

    I turn 28 a mere 12 days after you do. I definitely understand not wanting to share your birthday. I was due four days ago and my FIL’s birthday is in Wednesday. He doesn’t want to share either.

    Hope the next 28 days are blessed for you.

  9. My 3 year old is sitting with me. When he saw your picture, he said, “Look! It’s a mama!” I think he hit the nail on the head.

    You are radiant. We’re all SO excited for Mozzi to arrive! Enjoy nesting.

  10. “without mooing” heh.
    me too.

    also. the number 28. there’s something about it in our family too. Engaged when I was 28, married on Aug 28th, conceived Miles on 28th (sorry, TMI), had Miles on June 28th…

    pretty crazy huh?

    now I’ll always think of you when I think of that. And I love that.

    I’m so happy for you…

  11. you are beautiful…for realz.

  12. Wow, only 4 weeks left?

    I had a baby boy on Jan. 7. What shocked me the most after I had him? Missing being pregnant! I walked into the grocery store a couple weeks after having him and teared up because the last time I walked he was still in my belly.

    I never experienced that after having my 9 year old daughter. I guess that is the difference of having one when 25 (naive and ignorant to it all) and your second 9 years later at the age of 34 and having tried for a baby for 2 years!

    So rub that belly. Enjoy that waddle. And love gaining the momentum of rolling off the bed while you can! haha

  13. Time is flying, soon you will have your baby to hold. Enjoy the next few weeks and the lifetime ahead.

    Lynn

  14. You look beautiful! I am one of those women who is still waiting for my baby. Except it isn’t a 28-day cycle, its an 11-year cycle. I got pregnant the first time I tried in 2000, only to have a miscarriage. I’ve never gotton pregnant again and I was diagnosed with PCOS a year later. Last night I was thinking about the child I lost as I lay down to go to sleep. Was it a boy? Was it a girl? Was it a problem with my body that caused them to die? Was there something wrong with him/her? 11 years later, and these questions still linger. My husband and I are going to be pursuing foster-to-adopt later this summer. I only pray that my desire to be someone’s mother will be fulfilled someday soon.

    Congratulations on your impending blessing. I know how you’ve struggled to get to this point. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  15. CaryManda says:

    I am a lurker in the shadows as well. I love reading your posts.
    Thank you.

    :) And, congratulations :)

  16. i am just smiling here.

    just smiling.

  17. You are gorgeous and this post melted me. So beautifully written by someone who is so grateful for that little miracle kicking and hiccuping and elbow jabbing about in your belly.
    One day I will be able to count down too. But for now, I will just live vicariously through you :)

  18. You look so beautiful! I am still holding out hope and faith that I will be waiting for my 28 days of waiting for my baby to come into this world. You have given me such hope! Thank you!

  19. i’ve loved being on this journey with you…

  20. Gee whiz, Casey, you almost can’t see that belly.

    Cool.

  21. Well, if Carmen says I need to visit you, I certainly will! Isn’t it amazing, waiting for a baby to be born. The anticipation… the excitement… the exhaustion! Your birth will be beautiful… just as beautiful as you!

  22. Congratulations! You look absolutely beautiful in this photo!

    I’m here via Carmen of Mom to the Screaming Masses, and I’m so glad I stopped by–I’m due at the beginning of May and am feeling a bit like you at the moment. Except my hospital bag is not fully packed (but will be by tomorrow morning)!

  23. Hard to believe we’re in the last month. I’s say “where did the time go” but sometimes I feel like I have been pregnant forever. Hoping your last month is as smooth as possible. :)

  24. I love the 28 connection. You look amazing!

  25. You are 28 kinds of wonderful.

    Wishing you milestone upon milestone of joy. And to all those reading at a different point in their journey, I wish peace and promise.

  26. Carmen said you’re gorgeous and she couldn’t be more right. Enjoy these 28 days!

  27. You look beautiful! May these 28 days be everything that you hope them to be.

  28. Four weeks left?! Really?! I feel like this just flew by. I can’t wait until Mozzi is out and cuddled up in your arms!

  29. I am so so happy for you. And seeing your miracle happen helps me believe that somehow, we might have a miracle of our own too. (although ours would be more of the adoption paperwork variety)

  30. Beautifully written, Casey. I so admire your compassion for our friends who are still struggling. That big, warm heart of yours is gold. SO excited to see M’s photos. And still want you to come to KC and photograph my baby. :)
    Hugs!