Dear Casey,

I don’t want to be all “I told you so,” but really, you should have written this post as it was intended three days ago when you woke up from a dead sleep thinking about it. Now things have changed, there has been an emotional shift in your very existence and that letter you wanted to write yourself? Won’t be the same now. But instead of I told you so I’ll do the best with what you’ve left me with.

This baby thing is going to be hard the second time around. Six and a half years is plenty of time to forget about newborns, diapers, strollers, feeding schedules and naps. Not to mention the whole breastfeeding thing. Do you even remember how often babies have to go to the doctor? Or the crying? I’m not sure you do. But regardless you have been losing sleep over the excitement and joy of holding that tiny little baby in your arms. You have spent hours in Mozzi’s room rocking in that old yellow chair thinking about how long it’s been since someone has fallen asleep in your arms.  Your mind gets lost when you think about sniffing a warm, fuzzy little head and the anticipation of those tiny contented baby sighs? Better than Christmas. There was even a moment during the hospital tour where you got so excited about what’s going to happen that you actually had to squelch a squee.

You’ve done an awfully good job at enjoying every moment Mozzi has spent in you. I know you’re sad she has to vacate the premises, but there’s two other people that live with you who can’t wait to hang out with her too. You’re going to have to share sometime, and sometime is coming soon.

Which is where the emotional shift has happened.

This is really happening. Sunday you’ll be full term and so many worries that plague pregnant women will be behind you. It’s really all down the birth canal from here. There is going to be blood. There is going to be pain. There are going to be tears. There is going to be an adjustment period. There are going to be quarrels in the name of exhaustion. I know Cody doesn’t want to you to get all bent out of shape about any of it because things ARE going to be different this time. But at the same time I understand how you work. You need to feel out those worst case scenarios…contingency plans. They’re how you roll. They’re how you survived law school, lupron, depression, infertility and parenthood the first time around.

I have to say I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself. Yes, you lost a lot of friends in the process, but you had to take care of you. You took naps when you needed them. You have never felt guilty for going to bed early or taking a long bath when you hurt. You ate what you wanted to when you needed to and you even managed to gag down those prenatal vitamins. Even more importantly? You asked for, and got help when you needed it most. You are happy today because you have taken care of yourself and allowed others to take care of you over these last 36 weeks.

The perfect balance of appreciation and self preservation.

Finally, the latest and greatest of your worries. That man you’re married to. I know you feel as though you just got him back, that you guys finally figured this marriage thing out and now you’re going to have to share him with not one but two other ladies. He loves you so much. I would guess it’s natural to fear and question if your relationship will ever be the same, there’s some rough months ahead for you two, full of sleepless nights and leaky boobs. But you’ve already made it through so much. I know the reason you’re so scared is because you love him so much it hurts. He’s yours, for time and all eternity. Like he said today, he’s not going anywhere, and even more importantly, school is over. (Psst, Cody! Casey’s favorite flowers are peonies. Buy her some when they come in season, okay? Thanks.)

Keep taking care of yourself. This will all go by so quickly. Don’t roll your eyes at me. You know I’m right. Nipples can only stay bloody for so long. There will again come a day when all of your laundry will be folded and put away. One day you will even get to sleep in. Or shower. Or nap.

It’s going to be hard, but good hell if it isn’t going to be worth it.

we were waiting for cody. we got bored.

xoxo- yourself.

Comments

  1. Congratulations on a job well done! You will do great!

  2. BEAUTIFUL!

  3. chatty cricket says:

    Oh Casey, you WILL be amazing. It will all come flooding back and the pediatrician will remind you when you need to show up with Mozzi.

    Sure there’s the laundry pile, there’s the less sleep than you might want, there’s sore nipples and etc etc. But! There’s baby smiles, and bright happy faces waking up form naps, and baby CLAPPING and pudgy arms and OMG

    MOZZI!!

    And even if it has been a while? You know how to do this. You’ve done this before. And you’ve done it really REALLY well.

    -xo

  4. I love this post! Can’t wait for your little one to arrive! :)

  5. Oh, my goodness, I am SO EXCITED about this baby!!!! You HAVE done an excellent job taking care of yourself and we are all so proud of you and happy that this has finally happened for your family. Relax and enjoy the ride til you have your new girl in your arms.

    Also, SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!

  6. THIS. IS. HAPPENING.
    and i couldn’t be more thrilled for you.

    my my, what a journey… that has just begun.

    love and peace to you, casey.

  7. Cannot wait to hear the joyful news!! I will be praying for you guys! Give the big sister a great big hug!!

  8. You’re going to be great at the whole thing all over again.

  9. This was beautiful. No lie, I’m sobbing. But some of that can be accredited to a crappy day. Regardless, beautiful. And so true.

    Only recently started reading your blog, even perused some archives, but I’m already so excited for you. Can’t wait to “see” your new little. :)

  10. Oh, I love this!!! I can’t wait to travel this adventure with you (uh, virtually, of course, I’m coming to enjoy the whole independent kids thing).

  11. I am so excited and happy for you that I just can’t stand it. Maybe that’s why I have this eternal cold: all that happiness I have for you is just leaking out.

    It IS going to work out great. Eventually, everything is going to mesh and gel and all that good stuff. You’ve got great instincts and you will quickly remember what to do.

    And your boobs are totally going to rock the Casbah.

  12. I think I kinda have a crush on you. 8)
    My wish for you is a wonderfully healthy six pounder that slides right out. A cute little darling that has a super suck reflex. May your nipples be tough enough to nurse all night long, and endless daytime naps and snuggles. May the baby puke be little and the dirty diapers be many. But most of all may God bless your growing family.

  13. But this time around it will be different. Now you know babies don’t break that easy!

    The hubs and I had a conversation a couple of years ago. The one that starts with :How the heck have we managed to keep this marriage together when so many around us are falling apart?
    And for grin and giggles we jotted down the toughest times in our marriage. We both listed 5. Oddly enough they were the same 5 events (though one was slightly different, he listed one of our moves, I listed becoming a SAHM (same time!) The TOP 3 were the births of our children!! I wish to heck we’d had that discussion(s) 16, 14, & 11 years ago!!
    Change CAN be good. Heck it can be GREAT! But it is change which requires us to be a wee bit flexible. ;-)
    We’re still here. 21 years this Spring. And we still like each other. I still hate that squeezes the tooth paste in the middle (so I have my own tube) and he hates that I am unable to put the newspaper in the recycling bin.

    Embrace the growth in your family, the growth in your ability to love those you already love, yourself and the new little person you’re helping into the world!

  14. Full term!

    I know that I live across the country and you mostly only live in my computer, except for once a year, but I’m busting at the seams to see Mozzi! So darn excited for you guys!

  15. It will all come back to you. Well done for getting almost to the end. Enjoy these last days and enjoy your beautiful baby when she arrives.

  16. Nice letter! All my kids are five years apart. I thought I’d forget too. Believe me when I write this…it’ll all come back to you. You’re a great mom. You’ll remember! Xoxo

  17. Congratulations, I’m so excited for you!

    This post made me teary eyed and it’s only 6 AM. I felt like I could relate somehow in a very different sort of way…you see, I’m going back to school full time and taking a zillion classes this summer and last summer before I graduated I did the same thing and it consumed me and set off a whole new nasty breed of anxiety that I am still plagued with today. And I am terrified because this time I need to have a job (grad school is expensive!) and what will this do to me, to my relationship, to everything. But at the same time I’m excited because I know the struggle is worth it in the end, I’ll finally have a degree to be doing something I like.

    So I guess what I’m trying to say is thanks for this. Even though our fears are so different (yet so much the same…relationships, laundry, getting sleep, taking care of ourselves, and everything else..) it always helps to know that in some way someone out there knows what you mean.

    Best of luck to you, I’m sure it will all turn out great :)

  18. I am SO happy for you.

    That is all.

  19. You will be great! I cannot wait to hear news of her arrival!

    Babies can throw kinks in the routine/relationship, but they are so worth it. Just make time for each other whenever you can. Our dates (most of the time, but not all the time) are redbox movies and treats once the kids are in bed. I love it.

  20. Casey -

    I am so excited for you, Addie, Cody, and Mozzi. I’m going to be a first time Mom in June and I am TERRIFIED and crazy excited all at the same time. You help me to know it will be ok – even thru the sleepless nights and endless crying(my baby and myself). Thanks Casey – maybe one day our girls will be friends ( we do live in the same city!!)

  21. From someone on the other side of her own bump that she got to bump up against you at Blissdom, let me just say, Amen sister! The sleeplessness, the cranky, the crazy sore nipples, but dang if it ain’t all a whole lot of nothing compared to the sweet sweet baby girl in my arms who smells so good they should bottle that stuff and there’d be no more reason for crack in the world.

    Love to you and your Mozzie.

    ~Lisa-Jo

  22. Oh I love this letter! I can’t wait to meet Mozzi!!

  23. I love this post. It’s hard to remember things like this when you are caught up in the moment. I know that when I hear my friends complain about their children and how difficult it is, it makes me a little crazy. I would love to be in their shoes. But I also know that if/when I become a mother, there will be days where I am tired and frustrated. I just hope that I can remember how long I waited for motherhood and how much I appreciate it.

  24. It will be worth it. I guarantee you :-)

  25. this post makes my heart smile.

    I am very eagerly awaiting the birth of your beautiful girl…so is Eddie :)

  26. So beautiful. So so so excited for you. Bloody nipples and all ;) It IS worth it. You’ll do fine getting back into it, I promise. xoxo

  27. My oldest daughter is 6.5 years older than my middle daughter. What I can tell you is that there is something so very, very sweet about all of those baby things that you said goodbye to so long ago (and like you, I wondered for many years if we’d ever have another shot). They’re a little bit sweeter and a little less scary. Enjoy!

  28. i’m so excited for that baby to get out here. so excited.

  29. what a fantastic post.
    sounds like it’s great knowing things second time around. here’s hoping all the GOOD completely outweighs the bad.
    you & cody worked hard for these moments. kudos to you for enjoying them!
    addie will be great, too.

  30. As a mom of 2, I can tell you it will be different…but some things will be the same. Some things will be easier…but others will leave you all “what the what?!”

    It’s going to be AWESOME!! Thanks for letting us share the experience with you. Can’t wait to meet Mozzi :):)

  31. Love. Love the letter and love you. so much.

  32. Came across your blog and Love it and Love this Post!! Thanks for keepin it real! :)

  33. This is my first visit to your blog. I love this post! Congrats on the new baby!