Today Katy Perry asked me if I felt paper thin, like a house of cards, one blow from caving in.

Thanks for asking Katy, but no, I feel the complete antithesis of paper thin.

Round, robust, thick and sturdy are a few adjectives that come to mind.

We walked around the mall yesterday and I shocked myself every time I realized the reflection of that comically large pregnant woman was in fact, me.

Today is my “official” due date, and while I’m still on the outs with the word “due” I feel it’s better than using the word “expire” or “lapse.”

However I have decided that every day that passes by after today will be considered a month. Tomorrow? I’ll be 11 months pregnant. If I do go two weeks past? Say hello to Casey, 24 months pregnant.

I’m very happy that I make such a hospitable environment for babies, my only fear is the “I” word. Induction. It was brought up at my last appointment. As soon as he started into the “I” discussion I began to move my head back and forth in a very adamant “no” wondering when he’d figure out that my fervent head shaking meant “NO INDUCTION!” not “check out how bouncy my hair is with this new shampoo I’ve been using!

Ah yes, then there’s all of the advice.

  • Chew fresh basil! (ew.)
  • Cold plain yogurt! (where?)
  • Hot baths! (nightly! but, still pregnant.)
  • Mini trampoline! (I have a balance ball! Bounce bounce bounce everyday. See also: still pregnant!)
  • SEX! (PFFT.)
  • Spicy food! (It hurts going in, staying in and coming out, no thank you.)
  • Eggplant! (Delicious! But, still pregnant.)
  • Red raspberry leaf tea! (Tastes like artichokes! Still pregnant.)
  • Chiropractor! (Love mine, however, still pregnant.)
  • Castor oil! (Sweet love almighty no.)
  • Evening primrose! (I’m still not sure where people are telling me to stick them.)
  • Cold stone cupcakes! (MMM! Still pregnant!)
  • Pedicures! (Every two weeks! STILL PREGNANT!)
  • Acupuncture! (So I’m trying this one this week.)
  • Acupressure! (See: If acupuncture doesn’t work.)
  • LUSH sex bomb! (I smelled good! Pregnant!)
  • Walk! (SO. MUCH. PREGNANT. WALKING.)
  • Pennyroyal! (Googled=TOXIC!)

All of this silliness has simply led me to realize that this kid will make its appearance when it’s darn good and ready.

But there’s still this anticipation and uncertainty which is both wonderful and stifling all at once. Let’s go see a movie tomorrow! You know, assuming I don’t birth a human. What’s for dinner? Bean soup! You know, unless I can’t make it because I’m birthing a human. What are you doing next Thursday? No idea! But I could be birthing a human!

Cody acknowledged today the whole surprise element is probably killing my spirit unicorns slowly. I just don’t do surprises well! At all! And this! ALL SURPRISE! But I am still happy. Still enjoying my daily kiwi, naps and baths. And like someone said on twitter “I’ve never seen one stay in.”

So there’s that.

SO WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THIS WEEK? May I live vicariously through them?

Comments

  1. My BFF is coming for her annual visit on Friday & I’m so excited just to get to be with her & hang out without any kiddos hanging or distracting us. :)

  2. “Spirit unicorns” made me giggle so much while I was nursing my daughter that she pulled off and gave me a look like, “Get off the iPhone and Feed Me!” haha :)

  3. Nothing worked for me, either.

    Know what I’m going to do this week? NOT have a baby! So there! I hope I’m the only one…

  4. You look gorgeous. Mozzi will choose her birthday. I can’t wait to meet her- and I’m sure you feel the same way!

  5. What am I doing this week? Oh just checking my computer obsessively to find out of Mozzi has made her appearance yet. You know, the usual.

    That and cleaning out my closet. It’s a big week around here.

  6. Just a few more thoughts on how to get Mozzi out. Jumping jacks, a jog, or maybe jump roping for a few minutes. I am sure a few big jumps on a trampoline would make her pop right out. Only kidding. I am with you, baby comes out when they are ready. Good luck! I hope she comes soon!

  7. Wishing you a “Happy Mothers Day” twice!

  8. This week, I’m planning my baby’s first birthday party. A year from now, you will be too. :)

  9. Whitney says:

    I understand your “Pfft!” regarding the sex suggestion, but for what it’s worth, I went into labor 2 hours after having some alone time with the hubby, which happened to be 4 hours before my scheduled induction. It might be worth an awkward, vaguely uncomfortable, but very rewarding attempt!

  10. “Never seen one stay in.”

    That cracked me up!

    My mom swears that if you rearrange your living room, you’ll be in labor within 24 hours. Worked for her. Twice!

  11. I had to do a double take a few times too during the last few days of my last pregnancy. It really IS amazing that our bodies can do that! You look great – hang in there Momma!!

  12. My cousin’s baby wasn’t to be due for another 3 weeks, but was born yesterday, on your “due” date. He’s a beautiful 7 lb healthy baby boy. I’m so excited that I’m now an “aunt” (cousin really but I feel like an aunt). I cant wait to hear the good news of Mozzi’s birthday. I’m crossing my fingers and toes for you!
    Lots of Love!
    ~A

  13. My plan this week is to vicariously live through you, if you do indeed both a human this week. If you just stay pregnant this week then…not do much and my plan well simply be to get rid of this flu big I seem to have. So living vicariously through me doesn’t found like that much fun… But you’re welcome to do so.

    Amy Reply:

    gah! Birth a human…not both. Effing droid.

  14. how about having your ob strip your membranes?

  15. I like that, “I’ve never seen one stay in”, much better and more promising than “they don’t drop till they’re ripe”, which might be true but who knows how long that might take.

    Be careful with the laxative type inductors, they could make you really sick.

    There’s no point stressing Casey, just try to take it easy and relax, soon as you do that baby will arrive of course.

  16. Cant wait to see pictures! she will come out when she is good and ready (much like a pre pre pre teen)
    Sending you lots of love from the holy land

  17. Today’s plans: go back to my (interrupted by stupid phone call) nap. Lunch. Take daughter to follow-up appointment. Grocery shopping.

    Of course, those last two depend on whether my unreliable semi-ex (we’ve been separated 2 years but haven’t divorced yet) manages to get my car’s radiator replaced in time – otherwise it’s back to bumming rides from my sister, which would be inconvenient at the least.

  18. How glorious you look. I’ve read or heard about three babies today. Maybe it’s your turn…I know it’s kind of making me wish it was my turn.

  19. khrystena says:

    I was told when pregnant with my daughter that having a wax anywhere from the hips down is known to bring on contractions… a leg wax wouldn’t be so bad would it?

  20. I LOVE pregnancy sex, best sex EVER! But during my bedrest I’m not allowed, Grrr, so once I hit 37 weeks we have to balance having sex as often as we can, without getting the baby to come out so we can enjoy it a day or two more! The rest I don’t even bother trying!