Today Katy Perry asked me if I felt paper thin, like a house of cards, one blow from caving in.
Thanks for asking Katy, but no, I feel the complete antithesis of paper thin.
Round, robust, thick and sturdy are a few adjectives that come to mind.
We walked around the mall yesterday and I shocked myself every time I realized the reflection of that comically large pregnant woman was in fact, me.
Today is my “official” due date, and while I’m still on the outs with the word “due” I feel it’s better than using the word “expire” or “lapse.”
However I have decided that every day that passes by after today will be considered a month. Tomorrow? I’ll be 11 months pregnant. If I do go two weeks past? Say hello to Casey, 24 months pregnant.
I’m very happy that I make such a hospitable environment for babies, my only fear is the “I” word. Induction. It was brought up at my last appointment. As soon as he started into the “I” discussion I began to move my head back and forth in a very adamant “no” wondering when he’d figure out that my fervent head shaking meant “NO INDUCTION!” not “check out how bouncy my hair is with this new shampoo I’ve been using!”
Ah yes, then there’s all of the advice.
- Chew fresh basil! (ew.)
- Cold plain yogurt! (where?)
- Hot baths! (nightly! but, still pregnant.)
- Mini trampoline! (I have a balance ball! Bounce bounce bounce everyday. See also: still pregnant!)
- SEX! (PFFT.)
- Spicy food! (It hurts going in, staying in and coming out, no thank you.)
- Eggplant! (Delicious! But, still pregnant.)
- Red raspberry leaf tea! (Tastes like artichokes! Still pregnant.)
- Chiropractor! (Love mine, however, still pregnant.)
- Castor oil! (Sweet love almighty no.)
- Evening primrose! (I’m still not sure where people are telling me to stick them.)
- Cold stone cupcakes! (MMM! Still pregnant!)
- Pedicures! (Every two weeks! STILL PREGNANT!)
- Acupuncture! (So I’m trying this one this week.)
- Acupressure! (See: If acupuncture doesn’t work.)
- LUSH sex bomb! (I smelled good! Pregnant!)
- Walk! (SO. MUCH. PREGNANT. WALKING.)
- Pennyroyal! (Googled=TOXIC!)
All of this silliness has simply led me to realize that this kid will make its appearance when it’s darn good and ready.
But there’s still this anticipation and uncertainty which is both wonderful and stifling all at once. Let’s go see a movie tomorrow! You know, assuming I don’t birth a human. What’s for dinner? Bean soup! You know, unless I can’t make it because I’m birthing a human. What are you doing next Thursday? No idea! But I could be birthing a human!
Cody acknowledged today the whole surprise element is probably killing my spirit unicorns slowly. I just don’t do surprises well! At all! And this! ALL SURPRISE! But I am still happy. Still enjoying my daily kiwi, naps and baths. And like someone said on twitter “I’ve never seen one stay in.”
So there’s that.
SO WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THIS WEEK? May I live vicariously through them?