If you know Cody then you’ll know that he is the very strong, very silent type. He doesn’t show much emotion, especially strong emotions.
There have only been two times in our ten year marriage that Cody has been unable to control what he’s feeling on the inside from showing on the outside. The first time was December 14, 2004 and the second time was May 4, 2011.
The look on Cody’s face when he first saw his new babies was so wonderful that for a split second I convinced myself that we have to do this again.
Then my brain caught up with my emotions and reminded my emotions that my parts hadn’t even been sewn up yet so I should probably back off the family planning for the moment.
I was so emotionally absent when Addie was born. I never felt that fierce loyal bond that women talked about, part of me was convinced they were all lying. I saw how in love Cody was and wondered what was wrong with me.
But this time? I can’t get enough of this little girl. There have been several occasions where I am just absolutely sure my heart is going to explode with all the happiness and love that is surrounding me. I have been happy before, I have been in love before, but not like this.
This is overpowering, all encompassing.
Maybe it’s because I had to wait so long for her.
Maybe it’s because I had to go through so much to get her here.
Maybe it’s because Addie is holding her next to me singing “You are my baby siiiiister.”
I start to feel guilty that Addie was robbed of her mom for the first several months of her life. But Vivi will never have my undivided attention for the first six years of her life. Both little girls are already so different, and I suppose God knew what He was doing when He sent them to me in the season He did.
I woke up to Addie and Cody snuzzling over Vivi in bed next to me. The sun coming up behind them.
It’s all too wonderful to take in. Her smells. Her sounds. Her warmth.
There have been difficulties. There will probably be more. (and believe me, we’ll discuss.)
But it’s safe to say I’ve never been happier.