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the one about my heart nearly exploding.
May 10, 2011

If you know Cody then you’ll know that he is the very strong, very silent type. He doesn’t show much emotion, especially strong emotions.

There have only been two times in our ten year marriage that Cody has been unable to control what he’s feeling on the inside from showing on the outside. The first time was December 14, 2004 and the second time was May 4, 2011.

The look on Cody’s face when he first saw his new babies was so wonderful that for a split second I convinced myself that we have to do this again.

in daddy's arms

Then my brain caught up with my emotions and reminded my emotions that my parts hadn’t even been sewn up yet so I should probably back off the family planning for the moment.

I was so emotionally absent when Addie was born. I never felt that fierce loyal bond that women talked about, part of me was convinced they were all lying. I saw how in love Cody was and wondered what was wrong with me.

But this time? I can’t get enough of this little girl. There have been several occasions where I am just absolutely sure my heart is going to explode with all the happiness and love that is surrounding me. I have been happy before, I have been in love before, but not like this.

happy.

This is overpowering, all encompassing.

Maybe it’s because I had to wait so long for her.

Maybe it’s because I had to go through so much to get her here.

Maybe it’s because Addie is holding her next to me singing “You are my baby siiiiister.”

addie and miss vivi.

I start to feel guilty that Addie was robbed of her mom for the first several months of her life. But Vivi will never have my undivided attention for the first six years of her life. Both little girls are already so different, and I suppose God knew what He was doing when He sent them to me in the season He did.

I woke up to Addie and Cody snuzzling over Vivi in bed next to me. The sun coming up behind them.

It’s all too wonderful to take in. Her smells. Her sounds. Her warmth.

There have been difficulties. There will probably be more. (and believe me, we’ll discuss.)

But it’s safe to say I’ve never been happier.

apparently my belly is a happy place to be.

Related posts:

  1. meet vivienne, the baby formerly known as mozzi.
  2. distance sometimes makes the heart even more distant. if you let it.
  3. mother’s day milk.
  4. i heart this stupid state.
  5. moosh two point oh…

Comments off.

By Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] on 05.10.11 10:09 pm | Permalink

*sigh*

thatisall.

By whoorl on 05.10.11 10:09 pm | Permalink

AHHHHHHH, she is so beautiful! So happy for you!

By Karen Sugarpants on 05.10.11 10:10 pm | Permalink

You make beautiful babies, my friend. I am so happy for you. So happy. xoxoxo

By Danielle ExtraordinaryMommy on 05.10.11 10:10 pm | Permalink

This is exquisite…. your presence… your emotion – your raw motherhood. I’m proud of you, I’m delighted for you – I’m in awe of you. Much love my friend – to all of you.

By Pgoodness on 05.10.11 10:10 pm | Permalink

My heart is nearly exploding for you guys. :)

By Ann Kroeker on 05.10.11 10:11 pm | Permalink

Bask in the beauty, love, happiness…

By Issa on 05.10.11 10:12 pm | Permalink

I adore this for you. Every second of it. You deserve everything and your babies do too. I love seeing you so happy.

Don’t regret what you can’t change babe. Just focus on now. On both of those amazing girls.

Ps. Vivi is killing my uterus right now. ;)

By Sarah on 05.10.11 10:13 pm | Permalink

I am blissing on your happiness and maybe a lil bit teary (in the best possible way) reading this. SO HAPPY FOR YOUR HAPPY.

<3

By Just Shireen on 05.10.11 10:13 pm | Permalink

Well, now I’m crying. I am so so happy for you. For all of you. So happy for you that apparently my tear ducts burst.

By Kat on 05.10.11 10:13 pm | Permalink

Big fat hugs and kisses!!!

By Lotus / Sarcastic Mom on 05.10.11 10:14 pm | Permalink

Can I just tell you that I love the word “snuzzling” so much now? And that last photo is an amazing capture and a total gift to have.

I’m so so happy for you. Have I mentioned that yet? ;)

By Heather on 05.10.11 10:15 pm | Permalink

She is just precious and you can tell Addie is in love. And you too! Congratulations! Xxoo
Ps – I’ll teach her how to say “y’all” in my best southern accent! :)

By sam temptingsam on 05.10.11 10:16 pm | Permalink

Gah!!! I can’t wait to come see you!!! I am so unbelievably happy for you guys.
S xo

By Angela England on 05.10.11 10:16 pm | Permalink

I often think that part of what makes my love so strong for my children is seeing the love and amazement they have for eachother. It sweetens everything one notch more.

Each experience is a unique blessing and all to it’s own. No two are the same no matter how many you have!!

Angela <

By Lisa on 05.10.11 10:17 pm | Permalink

And they say that newborns don’t smile. That is so NOT gas! :) She is absolutely precious! Congrats!

By To Kiss the Cook on 05.10.11 10:18 pm | Permalink

Oh Casey. Way to make a girl tear up. It’s the best kind of strange to be out-of-body happy for someone else like this but here we are. Blissed out for you and that family of yours. It’s beautiful.

By Ali on 05.10.11 10:19 pm | Permalink

There is nothing more gratifying than giving your child a sibling. And you will never be happier in your life than the first time you see them laugh together. Sending so many well wishes and lots of baby hugs and kisses your way.

By Sherry Carr-Smith on 05.10.11 10:22 pm | Permalink

I’m so very happy for you. And I firmly believe that God gives you the kid you need at the moment you get them. Also? that photo at the end makes me giggle out loud each time I look at it. Thanks for sharing your girls with us.

By Jamie on 05.10.11 10:22 pm | Permalink

<3

By Susan Elling Alberda on 05.10.11 10:26 pm | Permalink

Oh honey, you have earned this. Enjoy this. You and your beautiful girls and your wonderful husband, soak this in. *This* is what will be imprinted on your heart and in your mind for the rest of all time. So, so happy for you.

By Kimberly on 05.10.11 10:26 pm | Permalink

You just gave me that little piece of hope I so desperately needed today. Thank you.

By merrymishaps on 05.10.11 10:27 pm | Permalink

Your girls are beautiful. I’m so happy for you. Congratulations!

By Rachel - A Southern Fairytale on 05.10.11 10:27 pm | Permalink

sniffling — tears

just damn.

I could not possibly be happier for you or sappier.

<3

By Katie on 05.10.11 10:27 pm | Permalink

Good gravy this makes my heart sing.

By Deanna on 05.10.11 10:28 pm | Permalink

Did I tell you or did I tell you??? <3 you all…

By Marie Green on 05.10.11 10:34 pm | Permalink

Even though I my work allows me to see birth OFTEN, I STILL cannot believe that an entire human baby can fit in a woman’s body. I mean, looking at her all curled up like that HELPS, but she still seems much too big to fit in there. HOW DOES IT WORK???

That’s a gorgeous photo by the way. And I’m so happy for you… so so happy!

By Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) on 05.10.11 10:37 pm | Permalink

My heart is bursting for you my friend!!

For those of us who endured terrible postpartum with our firstborns, having our second babies is such an incredible opportunity to feel all the joy with much less of the fears and tears!!!

By Colleen on 05.10.11 10:37 pm | Permalink

I get all choked up every single time I see a picture of Vivi. All teary eyed. sigh. love.

By Adventures In Babywearing on 05.10.11 10:39 pm | Permalink

I know it I know it I know just it.

I am bursting for you now, too.

Steph

By Jessica R. on 05.10.11 10:42 pm | Permalink

The first child… is the first child. But that second one? There’s just something different… Maybe it’s being free of that terror that comes with being a first time parent… maybe it’s knowing how fleeting those first few months are.
I know how you feel. My heart exploded early for that second one too.
So happy to see you so happy… struggles or not.

By Malia on 05.10.11 10:44 pm | Permalink

That last picture made me break out into a very large grin!

I’m happy for you, friend. So HAPPY!!!

By Jana on 05.10.11 10:54 pm | Permalink

I am so happy for you! Your girls are both beautiful and so lucky to have you.

By Nanette on 05.10.11 10:58 pm | Permalink

*swoon*

Congrats again to you and your beautiful family!

By Barb @ getupandplay on 05.10.11 11:10 pm | Permalink

I’m dying over that last one of her smiling. What a sweetheart. I’m glad it’s going well for you and I pray the hard parts get easier soon.

By Calleah on 05.10.11 11:10 pm | Permalink

Ahh, crying happy tears for you. This is amazing to me. :)

By Jen L. on 05.10.11 11:15 pm | Permalink

Perfect. I am so, so glad this is happening for YOU! Great big happy tears. What a lucky bunch you are!

By lissa on 05.10.11 11:21 pm | Permalink

you are killing me here. beautifully perfect. :)

By Loukia on 05.10.11 11:32 pm | Permalink

Oh, my goodness. She is so darling, so beautiful. You are a glowing, beautiful mom, too. And having two children is the most wonderful thing, especially when you see them interacting. Your heart will be bursting with love for a very, very long time. Enjoy and cherish every single moment! Congrats again. xoxo

By molly on 05.10.11 11:36 pm | Permalink

She is beautiful. Don’t worry about the past now. For you hold your future in your hands =)

Congratulations. She is a sweetheart!

By Untypically Jia on 05.10.11 11:41 pm | Permalink

I’m saving this post in my hope file. This post will be where I come on darker days to remind myself that there are beautiful things in life.

?

Untypically Jia Reply:
May 10th, 2011 at 11:42 pm

That question mark is supposed to be a heart. LOL.

By Elaine on 05.10.11 11:42 pm | Permalink

Oh my goodness! How did you get her to smile already!?!? HA! :D

I can “hear” the happy in this post. Congratulations! She is amazing.

By Sarah @ TM2TS on 05.10.11 11:49 pm | Permalink

My husband is telling me to go rent a baby because the pictures are making me want another! Thankfully, I have a friend nearby who’s due in 33 weeks, so I can “rent” her baby ;)

Congratulations again on the beauty that is Vivi.

I’m so glad that you’re able to enjoy this post-partum period more than you were before. After all that you went through, you deserve that!

By Sara Sophia on 05.10.11 11:55 pm | Permalink

Best. post. ever.

i want to read this again tomorrow.

and the next day.

I am so, so happy for you.

LOVELOVELOVE,
Sara Sophia

By Damaris @Kitchen Corners on 05.11.11 12:07 am | Permalink

You take the words right out of my mouth. My experience was exactly the same. I’ve only seen my husband cry when our children were born and the same feeling of being so overcome with happiness only happened with my second child, not so much with the first. And the guilty, yep I felt that same guilt. I love that we have the exact same experience because that means that there are certainly many others who have had the same experience, and for that I am thankful, and because of that the guilt diminishes ten-fold. I wish we talked about these things more. I’m sure glad you do. Keep it coming.

By Dawn Camp on 05.11.11 12:09 am | Permalink

I think I just fell in love with her, too. Congratulations!!

By t4denali on 05.11.11 12:36 am | Permalink

Your love can be felt all the way up in Alaska. Keep shining!(we need a little more warmed up here)

By Gemini-Girl on 05.11.11 2:12 am | Permalink

my girls were robbed of me too for the first year of their lives. I truly pray that when the time comes (if it does) that i have another, that I will be bale to breathe them in the way a mother is “supposed” to.

By Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy on 05.11.11 3:43 am | Permalink

You know that high pitched voice, scrunchy nose thing people do when they’re looking at babies? Totally did it over that last picture. So sweet.

By jen on 05.11.11 6:52 am | Permalink

Ive been reading your blog since you did fashion shows of Moosh’s closet and have grown up with you. Back then i was dating my current husband with no thoughts of kids and now i am married, house hunting and dealing with infertility myself. Reading this post makes me so happy for our future because even though it may take a while, there is a reason, and it will be worth it.

Your blog is one of my favorites and i am truly SO happy for you and your family. Your girls are just gorgeous and you are so honest (and gorgeous too!). I may not comment often but i had to let you know how much i love your family and reading through your journey. Congrats once again!! oxo

By Sarah the Bear on 05.11.11 8:04 am | Permalink

ZOMG that last picture is definitively too much.

I die, I die.

By Liz on 05.11.11 8:27 am | Permalink

Posts like this make me squee! I’m soooooooo very happy for you! You’ve put a smile on my face already today! And I’ve only had ONE CUP OF COFFEE.

By Heir to Blair on 05.11.11 8:39 am | Permalink

You give me hope, Casey.

Congratulations on making it in every single way :)

By lauryn on 05.11.11 8:49 am | Permalink

I’m so happy for you and your little family Casey! That last photo is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen :)

By Katherine @ Postpartum Progress on 05.11.11 8:59 am | Permalink

I’m am so so so so so so so happy for you. SO happy. This was the same experience I had with my second, and it’s amazing to have the chance to feel what it’s like to be blissfully in love and happy when you have an infant, as opposed to the opposite, which you and I have both unfortunately experienced. Yay you!

By Tiffany on 05.11.11 9:01 am | Permalink

Aw that just made me tear up. So love that last pic and am so happy for yall!

By Megan on 05.11.11 9:08 am | Permalink

Breathtaking

By Jenny on 05.11.11 9:16 am | Permalink

I think my heart is going to burst right out of my chest! So happy for you!

By Jessica V. on 05.11.11 9:18 am | Permalink

This is great! My boys are 6 years apart in age. I had severe post-partum depression with the first one, but felt much more at peace with the second one as well. I do have guilt about being so “out of sorts” with the first one, but I thank you for making the point that he got 6 years of my undivided attention though! This makes me feel better. And I LOVE watching them together. My 7 month old looks at my 6 year old like “this boy is AMAZING!” and laughs. I am glad that you are happy.

By Nellie on 05.11.11 9:31 am | Permalink

Ohh, what a precious post and what a precious, amazing family!

I felt very absent the first 3 months after my daughter was born and to this day still feel badly that I wasn’t the adoring mommy I could have been. My girl is going to be 4 years old in June and she is a very happy,loving little girl so I’m okay with what I couldn’t give then but can absolutely give now until the end of time.

By Tara on 05.11.11 9:40 am | Permalink

Casey, I am so, so, SO happy for you. Congratulations again…she is beautiful.

By Melody on 05.11.11 10:18 am | Permalink

Pretty sure that last picture squeezed a big follicle right out of my left ovary.

Thanks for posting this. Gave me a glimmer of hope that I might not have PPD if I were to have another one.

By Larita on 05.11.11 10:55 am | Permalink

Mmmm, this makes me happy. I’m halfway through my second pregnancy and this post reminded me of the overwhelming love I learned about with my first. I was terrified of babies for that whole pregnancy, but watching the updates on your little one this time around has me looking forward to meeting the little squirmer I’ve got inside. Thanks for getting me excited about becoming a mother of two!

By Sara on 05.11.11 11:10 am | Permalink

I don’t even “know” you and I just want to cry for the happiness that you have found. It also makes my uterus ache for another baby! There is simply nothing in the world like the love a mother has for her children… my baby girl makes my heart want to explode every. single. day. So happy for you and your beautiful family. :)

By HeidiLee on 05.11.11 11:14 am | Permalink

oh loverly, just loverly….

By Kate on 05.11.11 11:27 am | Permalink

So happy for you and your family!

By Susan A on 05.11.11 11:45 am | Permalink

So beautiful!! I am sooo happy for you and your family!!

By Bellamomma on 05.11.11 1:10 pm | Permalink

My uterus just jumped & my heart stopped all at the same time on that last pic.

The face! The sweet gummy toothlessness! The teensy baby hands & arms! The cuteness of rohly pohly baby legs! The soft downy hair on head & on their little backs and arms! The fresh soft skin that no moisturizer can ever duplicate. *SIGH* I can almost smell the lavender baby wash through the computer. (Lavender or the yummy oatmeal vanilla smell that always made me want to eat my girls for breakfast?)

And the Daddy Face. Oh Sweet Baby Moses that will make you want to have another 12 babies with these men, won’t it?!? I have a photo of hubby holding Daughter1 for the first time & had the frame engraved for “Daddy & Sammi’s first snuggle”. Just looking at that photo will make my ovaries wake up & drop an egg on command!

Congratulations! She’s an adorable little bundle of love & baby poops!!!!! (Hey, I’m far enough out that even newborn baby poops are cute again LOL)

By LisaJ on 05.11.11 2:13 pm | Permalink

Casey, thank you SO much for saying this. I always feel guilty because I bonded with this little breath of Heaven so differently than with my older children.Thank you for making me feel less alone in this. You rock.

By Michelle Smiles on 05.11.11 2:33 pm | Permalink

She is beautiful. (They both are.)

My first is adopted. So bonding with her was a process. My second was a miracle/surprise pregnancy. I was completely blown away by the immediate, intense, overwhelming, all consuming love I had for her instantly.

I’m sad the my oldest didn’t get that immediate intensity. But I’m also sad my youngest didn’t get any time alone with me. I figure it all balances out in some way. They are both amazing girls in such different ways.

By lceel on 05.11.11 2:46 pm | Permalink

I was going to make a wisecrack about calling my Doctor and seeing about having a Uterus installed – but she’s so lovely, Addie is so lovely and you, YOU are so lovely, I just couldn’t do it.

Next time.

By Christina on 05.11.11 2:52 pm | Permalink

I still have 10 weeks to go. Seeing these pictures and reading your post makes me want this baby to get here in the next 5 minutes!!!
The picture of her with that sleepy grin melts my heart and I hope is seared in my brain forever. What a happy place to go to on a rough day!

By Paige on 05.11.11 3:04 pm | Permalink

So very happy for you

By Jen on 05.11.11 3:08 pm | Permalink

There is something about the second baby… the first is special, obviously. But the second one, for me, was much more emotional from the very beginning of the pregnancy. I was more nervous, more excited, more paranoid of Things Going Wrong. I think because I didn’t really ‘get it’ the first time? At least not until Maggie got a little older. I didn’t know the true potential of how it would feel to one day get that first smile, hear the first giggle, see their personalities develop. But the second time around, YOU KNOW IT’S COMING! And it is so so very awesome to anticipate. Plus, just watching the Big Sister enjoy the Baby Sister and share in the fun changes everything.

And that last picture should be illegal. My god.

By punkinmama on 05.11.11 3:30 pm | Permalink

So, so, so, so, so happy for you.

By michelle on 05.11.11 4:04 pm | Permalink

congratulations to your family. she’s beautiful. may you have all the love you can handle and all the peace you need. God bless.

By Amy in StL on 05.11.11 6:13 pm | Permalink

Oh Casey, I’m so very happy for you. I’m glad that ya’ll are in a warm cocoon of love and sunshine right now. yay!

By AmazingGreis on 05.11.11 9:15 pm | Permalink

She is so absolutely beautiful!! I kinda want one now!

By Amber @ AmourJoie on 05.11.11 10:47 pm | Permalink

BOTH your sweet girls are so beautiful, and I’ve gone back to this post a dozen times since you posted it just to giggle and swoon at that last photo. What a gift Vivi is…you are blessed!

And giiiirl…can we have the story behind your tattoo? ;)

Much love from someone who needed a little hope and sunshine today. xoxoxo

- A

By Neeroc on 05.11.11 11:13 pm | Permalink

That last pic has to be one of the best things I’ve seen in forever. And that includes pics of *my* Vivi *g*

By Melissa on 05.12.11 8:40 am | Permalink

Absolutely beautiful! Congratulations on the addition to your family. I only hope that some day I can experience the happiness you have being a mother.

By Mumagain on 05.12.11 10:19 am | Permalink

I am so happy for you. I totally relate so I had to comment. I had a very rough time after my 3.5 yr old son was born and it took me months to bond with him. His sister, on the other hand, I melted over instantly, 7 months ago. I too felt that guilt over my son, but he has no recollection of it and is just beyond smitten with her and his new role of big brother.
Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your adventures with us.

By mominrome on 05.12.11 11:53 am | Permalink

these pictures are amzing!

and your little girls too!!

By DrBabyMamaDrama on 05.12.11 9:54 pm | Permalink

GORGEOUS! Love you and congrats!

By Rachael on 05.13.11 12:56 am | Permalink

That last photo is just… no words.

By Penbleth on 05.13.11 9:51 am | Permalink

What a beautiful post. I’m so glad you are able to enjoy both your beautiful girls. Gorgeous photos as well.

By Lesalina on 05.13.11 4:46 pm | Permalink

Warm and fuzzy! So warm. So fuzzy.

By Briar on 05.13.11 8:48 pm | Permalink

I am so happy for you. She is delicious.

By sara on 05.14.11 6:41 am | Permalink

congratulations!!! so precious

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