If you know Cody then you’ll know that he is the very strong, very silent type. He doesn’t show much emotion, especially strong emotions.

There have only been two times in our ten year marriage that Cody has been unable to control what he’s feeling on the inside from showing on the outside. The first time was December 14, 2004 and the second time was May 4, 2011.

The look on Cody’s face when he first saw his new babies was so wonderful that for a split second I convinced myself that we have to do this again.

in daddy's arms

Then my brain caught up with my emotions and reminded my emotions that my parts hadn’t even been sewn up yet so I should probably back off the family planning for the moment.

I was so emotionally absent when Addie was born. I never felt that fierce loyal bond that women talked about, part of me was convinced they were all lying. I saw how in love Cody was and wondered what was wrong with me.

But this time? I can’t get enough of this little girl. There have been several occasions where I am just absolutely sure my heart is going to explode with all the happiness and love that is surrounding me. I have been happy before, I have been in love before, but not like this.

happy.

This is overpowering, all encompassing.

Maybe it’s because I had to wait so long for her.

Maybe it’s because I had to go through so much to get her here.

Maybe it’s because Addie is holding her next to me singing “You are my baby siiiiister.”

addie and miss vivi.

I start to feel guilty that Addie was robbed of her mom for the first several months of her life. But Vivi will never have my undivided attention for the first six years of her life. Both little girls are already so different, and I suppose God knew what He was doing when He sent them to me in the season He did.

I woke up to Addie and Cody snuzzling over Vivi in bed next to me. The sun coming up behind them.

It’s all too wonderful to take in. Her smells. Her sounds. Her warmth.

There have been difficulties. There will probably be more. (and believe me, we’ll discuss.)

But it’s safe to say I’ve never been happier.

apparently my belly is a happy place to be.

Comments

  1. Posts like this make me squee! I’m soooooooo very happy for you! You’ve put a smile on my face already today! And I’ve only had ONE CUP OF COFFEE.

  2. You give me hope, Casey.

    Congratulations on making it in every single way :)

  3. I’m so happy for you and your little family Casey! That last photo is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen :)

  4. I’m am so so so so so so so happy for you. SO happy. This was the same experience I had with my second, and it’s amazing to have the chance to feel what it’s like to be blissfully in love and happy when you have an infant, as opposed to the opposite, which you and I have both unfortunately experienced. Yay you!

  5. Tiffany says:

    Aw that just made me tear up. So love that last pic and am so happy for yall!

  6. Breathtaking

  7. I think my heart is going to burst right out of my chest! So happy for you!

  8. Jessica V. says:

    This is great! My boys are 6 years apart in age. I had severe post-partum depression with the first one, but felt much more at peace with the second one as well. I do have guilt about being so “out of sorts” with the first one, but I thank you for making the point that he got 6 years of my undivided attention though! This makes me feel better. And I LOVE watching them together. My 7 month old looks at my 6 year old like “this boy is AMAZING!” and laughs. I am glad that you are happy.

  9. Ohh, what a precious post and what a precious, amazing family!

    I felt very absent the first 3 months after my daughter was born and to this day still feel badly that I wasn’t the adoring mommy I could have been. My girl is going to be 4 years old in June and she is a very happy,loving little girl so I’m okay with what I couldn’t give then but can absolutely give now until the end of time.

  10. Casey, I am so, so, SO happy for you. Congratulations again…she is beautiful.

  11. Pretty sure that last picture squeezed a big follicle right out of my left ovary.

    Thanks for posting this. Gave me a glimmer of hope that I might not have PPD if I were to have another one.

  12. Mmmm, this makes me happy. I’m halfway through my second pregnancy and this post reminded me of the overwhelming love I learned about with my first. I was terrified of babies for that whole pregnancy, but watching the updates on your little one this time around has me looking forward to meeting the little squirmer I’ve got inside. Thanks for getting me excited about becoming a mother of two!

  13. I don’t even “know” you and I just want to cry for the happiness that you have found. It also makes my uterus ache for another baby! There is simply nothing in the world like the love a mother has for her children… my baby girl makes my heart want to explode every. single. day. So happy for you and your beautiful family. :)

  14. HeidiLee says:

    oh loverly, just loverly….

  15. So happy for you and your family!

  16. Susan A says:

    So beautiful!! I am sooo happy for you and your family!!

  17. Bellamomma says:

    My uterus just jumped & my heart stopped all at the same time on that last pic.

    The face! The sweet gummy toothlessness! The teensy baby hands & arms! The cuteness of rohly pohly baby legs! The soft downy hair on head & on their little backs and arms! The fresh soft skin that no moisturizer can ever duplicate. *SIGH* I can almost smell the lavender baby wash through the computer. (Lavender or the yummy oatmeal vanilla smell that always made me want to eat my girls for breakfast?)

    And the Daddy Face. Oh Sweet Baby Moses that will make you want to have another 12 babies with these men, won’t it?!? I have a photo of hubby holding Daughter1 for the first time & had the frame engraved for “Daddy & Sammi’s first snuggle”. Just looking at that photo will make my ovaries wake up & drop an egg on command!

    Congratulations! She’s an adorable little bundle of love & baby poops!!!!! (Hey, I’m far enough out that even newborn baby poops are cute again LOL)

  18. Casey, thank you SO much for saying this. I always feel guilty because I bonded with this little breath of Heaven so differently than with my older children.Thank you for making me feel less alone in this. You rock.

  19. She is beautiful. (They both are.)

    My first is adopted. So bonding with her was a process. My second was a miracle/surprise pregnancy. I was completely blown away by the immediate, intense, overwhelming, all consuming love I had for her instantly.

    I’m sad the my oldest didn’t get that immediate intensity. But I’m also sad my youngest didn’t get any time alone with me. I figure it all balances out in some way. They are both amazing girls in such different ways.

  20. I was going to make a wisecrack about calling my Doctor and seeing about having a Uterus installed – but she’s so lovely, Addie is so lovely and you, YOU are so lovely, I just couldn’t do it.

    Next time.

  21. Christina says:

    I still have 10 weeks to go. Seeing these pictures and reading your post makes me want this baby to get here in the next 5 minutes!!!
    The picture of her with that sleepy grin melts my heart and I hope is seared in my brain forever. What a happy place to go to on a rough day!

  22. So very happy for you

  23. There is something about the second baby… the first is special, obviously. But the second one, for me, was much more emotional from the very beginning of the pregnancy. I was more nervous, more excited, more paranoid of Things Going Wrong. I think because I didn’t really ‘get it’ the first time? At least not until Maggie got a little older. I didn’t know the true potential of how it would feel to one day get that first smile, hear the first giggle, see their personalities develop. But the second time around, YOU KNOW IT’S COMING! And it is so so very awesome to anticipate. Plus, just watching the Big Sister enjoy the Baby Sister and share in the fun changes everything.

    And that last picture should be illegal. My god.

  24. So, so, so, so, so happy for you.

  25. michelle says:

    congratulations to your family. she’s beautiful. may you have all the love you can handle and all the peace you need. God bless.

  26. Amy in StL says:

    Oh Casey, I’m so very happy for you. I’m glad that ya’ll are in a warm cocoon of love and sunshine right now. yay!

  27. She is so absolutely beautiful!! I kinda want one now!

  28. BOTH your sweet girls are so beautiful, and I’ve gone back to this post a dozen times since you posted it just to giggle and swoon at that last photo. What a gift Vivi is…you are blessed!

    And giiiirl…can we have the story behind your tattoo? ;)

    Much love from someone who needed a little hope and sunshine today. xoxoxo

    - A

  29. That last pic has to be one of the best things I’ve seen in forever. And that includes pics of *my* Vivi *g*

  30. Absolutely beautiful! Congratulations on the addition to your family. I only hope that some day I can experience the happiness you have being a mother.

  31. Mumagain says:

    I am so happy for you. I totally relate so I had to comment. I had a very rough time after my 3.5 yr old son was born and it took me months to bond with him. His sister, on the other hand, I melted over instantly, 7 months ago. I too felt that guilt over my son, but he has no recollection of it and is just beyond smitten with her and his new role of big brother.
    Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your adventures with us.

  32. these pictures are amzing!

    and your little girls too!!

  33. GORGEOUS! Love you and congrats!

  34. That last photo is just… no words.

  35. What a beautiful post. I’m so glad you are able to enjoy both your beautiful girls. Gorgeous photos as well.

  36. Warm and fuzzy! So warm. So fuzzy.

  37. I am so happy for you. She is delicious.

  38. congratulations!!! so precious