Vivienne made a very dramatic entrance into this world, apparently it wasn’t in her plans to be four days late and she made sure we all knew that she was not happy with the delay.

one week

Vivi has had to return to the hospital every day this week for one test or another.

Today’s being an x-ray.

There’s something about your baby’s tiny body being held down by a stranger on a giant cold table while you watch from behind a leaded wall. And that something is not wonderful.

She has four doctors appointments with three different doctors in the next week, one of them a specialist whose office is almost an hour away from my house.

Something is wrong with her but no one knows quite what it is yet. Pardon me for not going into details, I’m very tender on the topic at the moment.

playing on daddy.

This wasn’t how I pictured things. It’s very exhausting. It’s kind of scary. It’s also very hard because I can’t fix it.

My milk production still hasn’t kicked in, I have a very dedicated doctor and lactation consultant and together we’re doing everything possible to make it work. Even Vivi’s doctor said most women quit by now, especially under these circumstances, and that I am making a heroic effort with everything I’m doing to make breastfeeding possible.

That made me feel better.

But spending half your day in doctor’s offices and hospitals is not relaxing and makes this whole milk making business tricky.

But I’ll keep going.

Because she’s so very worth it.

one week

Comments

  1. I hope you find out what it is soon.

    She’s so absolutely precious :)

  2. Sending love and prayers. She is so absolutely beautiful. All will be well.

  3. I went through something similar with my 2nd, but it was after 7 days of perfect bliss. I don’t know how we managed to get through, something tells me it was the precious little baby we were holding.

    Praying for her and you all and sending lots of virtual love.

  4. Oh, Casey, she is absolutely beautiful. I hope that everything turns out to be just fine with your little sweetie. Praying for your family!

  5. Oh, Casey. I am sorry. Praying they find out whats going on. She is so gorgeous. XOXO

  6. She is just beautiful. I’m so sorry you are having to go through all of this. And yes, you are a hero for continuing to try to give her everything you can, including breastmilk. Good job Mom!

  7. Ohmygosh … I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve been there and know what a rollercoaster it is. Please know that you and Vivi and your entire family are in my prayers. Please let me know if I can do anything to help or answer any questions. God bless!

  8. habanerogal says:

    She is so beautiful and kudos for sticking it out with the breastfeeding. Thinking positive thoughts for you all.

  9. She is beautiful. I am so sorry that there is something wrong. We thought my son Louis had craniosynostosis (he didn’t) and it pushed me over the edge into major depression. I am still working on getting it under control. I hope every thing is ok and will be thinking about you

  10. She is so worth it and so are you. Sending lots of healthy vibes for Vivi and milk vibes for you!

  11. mrshiggison says:

    Strength & love for your little miracle girl.

  12. ohh casey, she is so beautiful! I know you guys get some answers soon!

  13. I pray they find out what is wrong soon, and that it is nothing serious. You are giving it a heroic effort to nurse. You are inspiring. She is just too precious.

  14. Good gracious she’s beautiful. I just have to add my two cents here and say if the breastfeeding doesn’t go as planned DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND feel badly about it or torture yourself to get it where you think it should be. When you are in the thick of it, it’s easy to forget that you just need to love your baby. That’s all that matters.

  15. The emotions are so raw. I know those feeling well. Prayers are with you, and I hope you find answers soon. And as a wise old woman who often pops into my head during times such as those says: “This too shall pass.”

  16. Oof. Don’t really know what to say except that it sounds horribly stressful and upsetting, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Hoping this is something that will pass quickly. xoxo

  17. She is absolutely beautiful. I’m sorry that y’all are struggling, and I hope that it’s all settled soon. We’ll all be waiting with open (virtual) arms when you’re ready to talk.

  18. Oh, Casey. Sending many prayers and much love your way – holding your hand from afar.
    xoxo

  19. Tons of hugs Casey.

  20. So sorry that there’s something wrong and you don’t have answers yet. Kudos to you for being a great mom, though. She is absolutely adorable.

  21. I can completely relate to where you are at right. That is how things were with our second daughter, only we were already dealing with heavy medical issues with our older daughter. Praying for strength for all of your family.

  22. I don’t know HOW you get such amazing pictures. That 2nd picture is unbelievably precious. I really am struggling to find words to describe it, so I won’t try any more.
    Great job on the bfing. I am an ardent breastfeeder and supporter of it but at some point if it ain’t happening, and you need one less thing making you crazy, IT IS OK. I am praying for you & Cody & the girls as you all go through this.
    Whatever it is, she is perfect. She is just how God made her to be.

  23. I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this. My step-daughter’s daughter (I’m WAY to young to be a grandma) was born at the end of January. She spent a month at Community North, went home for 4 days, then went to spend the next month at Riley. It’s been a grueling few months for everyone, but the baby is a fighter! My heart and prayers go out to you!

  24. Sending you more love + prayers.

  25. mommabird2345 says:

    She is too adorable. You, Vivi, and your family are in my prayers.

  26. Kathy K says:

    She is beautiful and precious. I hope that you will get answers that give you and Cody peace soon. In the mean time just love her and do what you can for the breastfeeding. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your adorable family.

  27. Congratulations on your new addition – she’s perfect! I hate to hear that you guys are off to a rough start and will definitely be praying that everything works out soon.

    I’m a new follower, btw. Love your blog!

  28. She’s beautiful. You’ll get through this and figure it out. Many thoughts and prayers to all of you.

  29. I am sending lots of love, milk vibes and prayers for answers you all.

  30. Oh, darling, that really sucks. I’m sorry your baby (and you) have to go through all of this right now. Hang in there. And I think your efforts to nurse her are heroic too. Sending you healthy, milky vibes…

  31. My sister welcomed a her son with that sort of situation and was so hard, but with a good outcome. Prayers, hugs and love to you and yours.
    Ps. She is gorgeous and go you for the commitment to it!

  32. Vivi is gorgeous and magic and so is her mom. As with all things magical, there’s always a bit where it’s sort of scary… and then you get to the oooh’s and aaaaahhhh’s part and see the awesome. Plus, there is usually glitter involved, which Addie will like. (love you and thinking of you)

  33. Casey, if there is literally any way I can help (or my husband), do not hesitate to let me know. Love to you guys, always.

  34. Shannon says:

    I’m sure everything will be just fine with your precious little miracle… hang in there and keep squeezin’ those boobs till you get something!!

    When you feel up to it, it may be beneficial to describe a little of what is going on… I know you’ve probably done a ton of googling, but sometimes the Mommies that read your blog are the best Google of all! We may be able to help :) Just a thought…

    stay strong!!

  35. melissa says:

    Oh my isn’t she beautiful!!!! Thoughts & prayers going out that everything works out just fine.

  36. Just know I am praying for you and that beautiful baby.

  37. Elizabeth says:

    I have never commented before but I wanted to express my compassion for what is going on in your life.

    New babies and new baby emotions are HARD. Allow yourself time, space and peace to deal with a new baby on top of this stuff. Be patient and loving with yourself.

    I had to watch my 3 day old receive an ultrasound. It sucked. You’re right about that.

    Vivi is damn stickin cute. When it gets rough, curl up with her and smell her head.

    I would never tell you what to do about breastfeeding. I know alot of people who have strong feelings about it. I breastfeed my first forever, my second about half that and my third not at all. They are all awesome kids. Just saying…don’t beat yourself up over it.

  38. Sending lots of virtual hugs and prayers to you and “figure this out already” juju to your doctors. You’re doing a great job, Casey. You are doing a GREAT job. Wishing the best for you.

  39. Oh Casey, I am sending my love and hugs to you all. Hang in there. Everything will be okay.

  40. I hope everything’s okay with little miss Vivi, but don’t worry yourself silly right now. Trust in God, breathe, and enjoy her sweet little face. Prayers are with you and your family!

  41. She is beautiful. You did an amazing job. You were sent this baby because you are an amazing mommy. You can handle whatever is “wrong”. I will send lots of good thoughts and prayers your way.
    If you have any questions about the med tests, etc — send me an email and if I don’t know the answer I can find out for you.
    Sending lots of hugs. And remember you are an AMAZING mommy. That’s why you were blessed with an amazing little girls.

    Hugs,
    K

  42. I’m so sorry the cutie is sick. That is hard to deal with when all you want is to sleep and bond. Also, as I know all too well, the milk thing is very frustrating. Keep doing what you’re doing, bit don’t kill yourself doing it. My body didn’t cooperate with either of my boys, and I’m still depressed over it.

    My thoughts are with you.

  43. so sorry to hear vivi is having to have so many test done… im sure its so so scary… and abt milk production :( thats so difficult. I had that same issue too and my son was starving the 1st two weeks of his life.. screamed for hours because of it :( – I think Ive mentioned it on here before tho so I wont say any more, but lets just say letting go of nursing him was so extremely hard… emotional and depressing all at the same time… but im so thankful for the peace that came once he got a full feeding.. and no longer screamed with hunger. Bottle or breast… whats most important is that our babies are loved, nurtured and cared for.

  44. She is tiny and precious! I hope that everything turns out okay.

    As far as nursing goes have you tried fenugreek. It is an herbal supplement that helps with lactation. It works, but makes you smell like maple syrup…I used it and it worked for me. Just a thought. You can get it at whole foods.

  45. Oh honey. Right there with you in spirit. Let me know of there’s anything I can do.

    She is absolutely perfect.

    Xoxo

  46. Sending happy thoughts

  47. she IS perfect. and you’ll figure out all that other stuff soon enough. thinking of you as you venture through these unknowns.
    xoxo.

  48. Sending prayers and love. She is gorgeous!

  49. Thinking of you and that gorgeous little girl.

  50. Such a wonderful photographer you are!

    My Chickadee has issues. They didn’t know what it was for a while. The things that made it livable for me were celebrating her tiny victories, including her in our life 100% and remaining as plugged in as I could to ‘real’ life.

    You’ll find your way. Rileys is amazing. So is what used to be Clarian North. Pediatric Specialists are an awesome bunch, I’ll tell you that. Even if they don’t have an answer, suck up the connection.

    Because they’ll understand like nobody else.

    xo

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  1. [...] week and a half ago I wrote about something being wrong with Vivi and so many of you came out to support us through the scary unknown that is a sick baby. I just [...]