Vivienne made a very dramatic entrance into this world, apparently it wasn’t in her plans to be four days late and she made sure we all knew that she was not happy with the delay.

one week

Vivi has had to return to the hospital every day this week for one test or another.

Today’s being an x-ray.

There’s something about your baby’s tiny body being held down by a stranger on a giant cold table while you watch from behind a leaded wall. And that something is not wonderful.

She has four doctors appointments with three different doctors in the next week, one of them a specialist whose office is almost an hour away from my house.

Something is wrong with her but no one knows quite what it is yet. Pardon me for not going into details, I’m very tender on the topic at the moment.

playing on daddy.

This wasn’t how I pictured things. It’s very exhausting. It’s kind of scary. It’s also very hard because I can’t fix it.

My milk production still hasn’t kicked in, I have a very dedicated doctor and lactation consultant and together we’re doing everything possible to make it work. Even Vivi’s doctor said most women quit by now, especially under these circumstances, and that I am making a heroic effort with everything I’m doing to make breastfeeding possible.

That made me feel better.

But spending half your day in doctor’s offices and hospitals is not relaxing and makes this whole milk making business tricky.

But I’ll keep going.

Because she’s so very worth it.

one week

Comments

  1. I’m sorry things are starting out so roughly, I hope the docs can get things figured out quickly. And I hope your milk kicks in! She’s absolutely precious!

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My heart is with you.

  3. Prayers for you and your family. Hang in there – you’re a great mama!

  4. my heart is breaking that you’re having trouble with your sweet girl. I hope it’s nothing too serious. I’ll say a big prayer tonight that vivi stays well!

    You, my dear, are a rockstar mama!

  5. I’m so sorry honey. Wishing your family well.

  6. Best wishes. I hope you find an answer and successful treatment soon. I love that smiley picture!

  7. Sending prayers and hugs! Vivi is beautiful.

  8. Sending love. I was a mystery to the doctors after I was born 2 weeks late (twins are supposed to be 38 wks and we went the full 40) and still wasn’t “fully cooked” while my twin was. I hope this turns out to just be a small speed bump in Vivienne’s life like it was for me. Hang in there! Stay positive, xoxo

  9. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. She is absolutely gorgeous!

  10. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!

    It was agony waiting and worrying when Jackson was born and the doctor’s told us he might have kidney disease. I was a mess for those first weeks.
    And when Susan’s first, Julia, was born, she had three different specialists and spent her first few months going back and forth into the city to go to Children’s Hospital.
    But now, they are both healthy — sure one has odd shaped and larger than usual kidneys and the other has a hole in her heart — but they are running around healthy. (Well – if you don’t count all of Jackson’s other diagnosis!)

    SO, I am hoping and praying it will also be the case with Vivi — that these terribly painful early days will fade into history as she grows up healthy in her own Vivi-way! :)

  11. PS — Sue has to take meds to get enough milk. Perhaps you are already doing that, but just in case you were worried about doing it. I know Sue felt concerned taking medication for it. But it totally worked!

  12. I really hope you’re all okay. (Hugs)

  13. So sorry Casey. I pray that you get some answers soon and they are good ones. Noah had to have his surgery last week, the one I’ve been dreading since he was born, but it turned out alright. Thankfully.
    We wish that it could be us instead of them.

  14. Michelle says:

    Praying.

  15. Whatever is going on with your precious baby I hope it is nothing serious and the doctors figure it out very soon! I will definitely pray for all of that and for MILK lots and lots of milk. You are doing amazingly well Casey especially under so much stress. You just keep on keeping on girl! You baby is so beautiful like her Mama and bis sis! Little Vivi has a large fan base already so many well wishers and people praying for her and your whole family!!

  16. Keep up the breastfeeding as long as you can- your future self will thank you. Don’t forget you’re loved. You have a beautiful daughter (two of them, in fact!).

  17. I am so sorry you have to go through this after all that have already gone through. When my son was born, they detected a heart defect and he spent time seeing many specialist and being strapped down to a board for x-rays and it was terrifying and heartbreaking. He did outgrow it, thank heavens and is a healthy teenager now. I will pray for you and your family, of course.

  18. Shannon says:

    Being a mom is a heroic effort! Make sure you take care of yourself first – keep a close eye on the post-partum depression. We are all praying for you and your little beauty.

  19. Really very sorry to hear this. Obviously lots of thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family. Hope you find answers soon.

  20. Sunshine says:

    You are a fantastic mother. Praying hard. xo

  21. I’m so sorry Casey. I hope that you can get answers soon. xoxo

  22. Prayers for you and your sweet family.

  23. Thinking of you and your sweet family and wanted you to know there are many prayers coming your way!!! She is absolutely beautiful and makes my heart melt looking at her pictures…I can just imagine how you feel looking at her in person!!

  24. You made it through law school. You made it through living in a roach motel with a puking kid. You made it through puking your own guts out until your face exploded. You’ll make it through this as well.

  25. She is absolutely beautiful! You take amazing pictures.
    I am sorry you have a health issue to deal with with your perfect little baby. My third child had issues and I understand how hard that is. I will be sending good thoughts your way and hoping everything turns out fine. Try to stay positive until you know what is going on. Love and strength is headed your way.

  26. All of my thoughts, support, and love out to you guys right now. If you’re downtown and want some company while you wait one day, let me know and I’ll find my way there. :)
    xoxo.

  27. Praying for your sweet girl…

  28. Sending lots and lots of love and prayers that everything turns out Vivitastic in every way!!!

    She is precious, she is beautiful, she is infinitely loved….by all!!!

  29. Gretchen says:

    Great big pink puffy hearts (the floating, glittery kind) to you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  30. Sending you lots of love and prayers to you and your sweet family! She’s such a little doll!!! XOXOXOXO

  31. oh, casey, I’m sorry. I hope the specialists find something out, so theres an answer, but nothing awful or life changing. if you have any questions you can email me…I’m a peds nurse and have spent my whole career in peds and picu. god bless!

  32. She is precious. I hope you get answers.

    On the breastfeeding… keep trying. Our neo doc told me that if I wasn’t successful by the time the twins were out of the NICU, we probably never would be. I kept pumping and pumping, and guess what? We made it 10 months.

  33. Love and best wishes and prayers for Vivienne, you and your whole family.

    Lynn

  34. Jenn Bo says:

    Casey – You and Vivi will be in my thoughts. I am certain the stress of the unknown is not helping the milk production process and your heroic efforts MUST pay off in the end. Most important, what a beautiful baby!

  35. thinking of you and sweet little Vivi. xoxo

  36. Sending you lots of prayers and hugs.

  37. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you. I hope everything is okay.

  38. Colleen says:

    Hugs, thoughts, prayers coming to you and your sweet baby

  39. Susan A says:

    Vivi looks soo beautiful. Your pictures are WONDERFUL. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It will be ok. ((((HUGS))))

  40. Praying for your family and Vivi. Praying everything will be ok.

  41. Heather says:

    Praying for you and your family. Stay strong. God is in control.

    I can do All things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13

  42. Amy in StL says:

    Wow, I’ve had friends that have newborns that have issues and it’s so hard until you know what it is. All the guessing and tesging – ugh! But they will figure it out and then you’ll have a course of action and I know you’re strong enough to stick it out. It never ceases to amaze me how strong moms can be.

  43. Sending you strength to get through to find out exactly what it is to help Vivi.

  44. I’m sorry :(. They thought my daughter might have had hip dysplasia, and I know what you mean about the holding down — on a cold hard table, too! — for the x-rays.

    She’s perfectly perfect, even if they discover something is wrong. And on top of it she’s gorgeous. Sending love.

  45. i was never able to breastfeed my first…but i did pump for him for 12 months…then i successfully bf’d the next two for 9 months and 13 months…so do what you feel you need to do for her and take good care of yourself…grace, peace, and strength to you…

  46. Trisha Vargas says:

    Sending prayers your way Casey! Hoping you get answers soon and that Vivi stays well!

  47. I’ve been so out of the loop, I had no idea. If you need company on a long ride to the doc or just someone to take Addie to paint things pink, let me know.

    We are all rooting for you both. x

  48. Oh Casey, I’m so sorry that there are questions that don’t have answers right now. I know how frustrating that can be for the mama who just wants to fix it. Praying that everything will be okay with Vivi.

    And way to go with trying – I know it’s so important to you, so I hope the milk starts flowing freely (though not *too* freely) soon!

  49. Kids are complicated.
    Mine was early instead of late, but she wasn’t happy about it either. 7 months and lots of specialists later, we’re finally learning that she just wants to do things her own way, even if they’re not the way typical kids do them. She’s just special like that.

    Wishing you and your precious vivi (and the rest of your family!) the very best.

  50. Thinking about you and sweet Miss Vivi!!! I’m always around if you need ANYTHING! XOXO

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