I am very happy. (So is Vivi.)

happy vivi.

And for the first time in a very long time I am not listening and waiting for the other shoe drop.

It feels so good.

If I could give you all a hit of how good I feel right now? You’d beg me to be your dealer.

When I look in the mirror I see happy. When I see pictures of myself, I see happy.

I look good happy, even if no one else sees it. *I* see it.

I don’t see the constant ponytail and 11 week postpartum belly.

I know I weigh 40 pounds more than when I got married and that I only fit in clothes that are generously sized, elastic and machine washable.

But none of this really matters to me right now.

I see this time in my life where everything is so wonderful.

This is real happy. Not worldly happy, material happy or chemically altered happy.

Just, happy. Content. Thankful. Blessed.

I get to spend my days with my arms full of warm snuggly baby, something I waited nearly six years for.

I am going to be able to look back at pictures from this time in my life and know that for however long this lasts the people around me got all the best parts of me, especially my littles.

Brooke and Parker's Wedding.

I know my depression is somewhere up there in my brain. I know it will be back someday.

But for the first time in ten years I don’t fear it.

Comments

  1. I’m so happy that you’re happy.

  2. You exude beauty right now (you always have, really, but right now it’s nearly blinding). I am so happy for you and your family.

  3. mommabird2345 says:

    Yay for being happy! You deserve it.

  4. This post makes me SO VERY HAPPY. I just want to squeeze you in a giant happy hug. :)

  5. I’m so happy for you! I pray that this feeling does not go away!

    Suzie

  6. Gonna cry happy for you dear. It’s so very lovely.

  7. that is inCREDIBLY beautiful. You give me hope. That pure happiness is possible even with recurring depression. Right now I’m in chemically altered good mood, which is fine for now.

    and trust me, we can tell you’re happy and it looks SO good on you.

  8. I’m so thrilled for you!!! And I love these beautiful pictures of your beautiful girls! (Plural! Hooray!)

  9. So. Happy!

  10. Michelle says:

    I’m so happy for you. For the memories you’re making and the memories you will have of this time.

    And Vivi so reminds me of pics of Cody in that photo at the top. I’m not sure if it’s her eyes or smile. :)

  11. THIS

  12. Loves! You deserve this amazing moment! You are an inspiration to those of us who do still fear the bad days.

  13. I am a large fan of happy. And elastic. I’m so glad you are happy.

  14. This post makes me happy too! How lovely for you and the family. ((hugs))

  15. Yay!!! I’m so glad for you, Casey. I hope to be in the same (happy) place sometime soon.

  16. No fair making me teary eyed this early on a Saturday. :-) So glad for you, Casey. You deserve every bit of happy you get.

  17. That’s lovely Casey! :)
    I pray you would stay so happy forever!

  18. Beautiful. That gives me hope. :)

  19. So Happy for you!!

  20. ah. this makes me happy too. very much so.

  21. This post made ME so happy. So happy for you.

  22. What a great picture of you & Addie.

    So happy that you are happy-I love when I feel like that. I can’t wait to see you.

  23. Miss you terribly. xo

  24. I feel you. Casey Mullins, you exude beauty & happiness through your photos & your words & your babies & your very pores. I just love ya. So damn excited about seeing your pretty face. And I might burst with adoration over sweet lil’ Vivi but I promise I won’t eat her.

  25. YAY for you. :)

  26. TEARS! This brings me such joy. So much that it makes my heart hurt.

  27. HeidiLee says:

    Joy, joy, joy!

  28. Yaaaaaaaaaay!

  29. This post gave me goosebumps and tears and smiles all at the same time. I think you’re wonderful. I love how happy you are right now. I wish that you could bottle it up and save some for a rainy day (and share some with me, perhaps?)!! Relish every moment of it, Casey!

  30. Ok, seriously, your baby is KILLING me with her cuteness. I mean babies are beautiful but OMG.

    I’ve been a Moosh fan for a very long time and I am so, so enjoying reading about your happiness.

  31. SO SO SO happy for you! Snuggle that baby tight! My baby is 5-1/2 and going to kindergarten. You already know how fast it goes, so I won’t tell you that! ENJOY!!!

  32. J from Ireland says:

    I can feel it. Your happines is adorable. So very happy for you dear.

  33. Love this post. So HAPPY for you!

  34. Hugs to you from an understanding mom. I went through PPD after I had my boys, and while my depression isn’t recurring, I do suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I completely understand the fear of when it might return. So glad to hear you aren’t afraid anymore. I was actually just inspired to finally blog about my experience. I started yesterday with my pregnancy and birth story, but I haven’t gotten into the really difficult stuff yet. It feels good to share it and hopefully give support to others.

  35. April G. says:

    How wonderful, Casey. I’m so happy for you!

  36. Newborn Motherhood agrees with you, my friend xoxo

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