moosh in indy.

I feel it important to impart all of the wisdom I procured over the most intense eight weeks of my life.

The eight weeks I spent trying to establish anything resembling a milk supply.

There’s a lot I need to type out here so I’ll try to make it as easy to read/scan as possible.

Before Vivi was born I read “The Nursing Mother’s Companion” by Kathleen Huggins and “The Breastfeeding Book” by Dr. Sears. From my limited experience with Addie I knew to have Lansinoh on hand and to use it with reckless abandon.

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Dearest Addie,

By the time most people read this you will already be settling into your first day of first grade. It will be the first day you take the bus to and from school. The first day you eat lunch by yourself in a cafeteria. The first day you are gone all day at school.

I’ve been telling less of your stories on this blog because you’re old enough to tell your own now. And you’re certainly at an age that lends well to unanswerable questions. (No, I still don’t know how mermaids go to the bathroom.)

Many people have asked how you have taken to being a big sister. If there has been jealousy or if you have reverted to acting like a baby yourself. It amazes me every time I answer “Nope, Vivi is the best toy I could have ever brought home for Addie.” You have taken to being a big sister better that I ever took to being your mom. Aside from having to tell you 47 times an hour to get your face out of your sisters face and quit kissing her when she’s trying to eat and STOP THAT YOUR HAIR IS IN HER MOUTH, you are officially the best big sister ever.

It’s hard to be a person, but you’re doing a good job. You are kind, you are compassionate, you are curious, you are funny and my heavens, you are beautiful. If I accomplish nothing more in this life than assuring you girls that you are worth every bit of love and goodness this world has to offer and to stay as forgiving, confident, self assured and accepting as you are at this moment today?

I will have done my job well.

I do not fear you going to school or growing up.

I fear you never realizing how much you are capable of by simply being yourself.

Kindness matters, clothes don’t. Honesty means more than money and virtue cannot be bought.

Humility is admirable and owning up to your mistakes is a must.

Gossip hurts, love heals and giving up isn’t an option.

And most of all?

No one will ever love you more than I do.

xoxo, mama.

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So maybe you heard about what happened at the Indiana State Fair tonight (last night.)

Many of you thought of me when you heard the news.

Long story short, a concert stage collapsed from severe weather killing at least four and injuring dozens if not hundreds of others.

I found out about it through twitter.

Same place I found out about Osama, Obama and Michael Jackson.

Some people take to tweeting and retweeting to spread the news. Or get news. Or get attention. Or work through their own emotions. Everyone is so different in the face of tragedy.

I have no real ties to what happened tonight (at least none that I know of) aside from the fact that I love this city, I love the Indiana State Fair and I was at that very venue this time two years ago when a miracle happened.

So maybe those are real ties.

I sort of feel like someone hurt my dog. Something I love so much has been damaged.

I never know how to react when stuff like this happens. Just like I didn’t know what to do or how to feel when a gunman went into the mall that I grew up with and later worked in and shot innocent people.

I can’t make any of it about me. My world will go on tomorrow.

But it has changed for so many people.

Death.

I’m not sure how to handle such a thing, aside from prayers. Those I am very good at.

I am also very good at eating my emotions.

That pint of peanut butter and chocolate Häagen-Dazs never stood a chance once I saw what had happened.

It was gone in under 15 minutes.

Indiana is an amazing state. Full of amazing people.

This state has welcomed me and taken such good care of me. I hope I have made it proud.

It is my home.

It holds my heart.

And right now a lot of hearts are hurting here.

But I know we’ll take care of each other.

It’s what we do.

Addie, Vivi and I spent the morning playing with some new toys courtesy of Infantino.

Addie’s favorite were the foot rattles.

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Babble babble blabble…

The Stereotype of Bottlefeeding Moms. (This one’s pretty good if I do say so myself.)

So You Took Your Baby to BlogHer? How’s that working out for you? (Answer, not for sissies but fun!)

Please do not kiss my baby complete stranger. (I’ve started just kissing the strangers back.)

Keeping your baby out late (not to be confused with having a baby in a bar.) (Ah, judgement!)

In which we band together and discuss nipple flow. (Verdict, level 1 it is!)

Good things can happen to those who fly (with babies.) (Both flights today? PERFECT!)

And over at CafeMom…

The Unspoken Truth of Antenatal Depression.

Peace of Mind Through the Perfectly Packed Diaper Bag.

And then there’s this…

So that’s probably only cute to me. But THE CHEEKS.

I’m so happy to be home.

I would hate for you to be left out of random pop culture references. You see, I’ve been left out in the dark on far too many pop culture jokes only I have never admitted such a thing until now. I’m the dork that played along as a group of young guys went face down on the dance floor at a wedding I attended back in June.

“PLANKING! HA HA HA! FUNNY! Because they look like, you know, A PLANK!”

Heaven forbid I admit that I had no idea what was going on.

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HI VIVI!

Big week. Lots of travel! Lots of firsts!

Like baby’s first time being carried by a celebrity! (or mom’s lady friend who cooks good, whatever.)

When Ree gets home and makes another ranch baby she’s going to be blaming you. Just warning you now. It’s all your fault for being so wonderful. In fact I could name you the baby that launched a thousand pregnancies at BlogHer ’11.

You have been SO. GOOD. this whole trip. Putting up with the time change, all the touching, the strangers, the smells, the sights, the sounds, the late nights and the sometimes questionable sleeping arrangements.

If you cared I’d buy you a pony. But your sister would just get jealous and we really don’t have room for two ponies. In going back over some of the photos I took this week I’m realizing while you may have been super good baby, you may have not been loved every moment baby.

Take this for example, baby’s first limo ride!

Whoa. Baby does not like traveling in gaudy style.

Then I kept leaving you alone to take pictures of the places you had been that you’ll never remember. Like Balboa Park!

And then there was the beach. You didn’t like the beach. In fact you disliked the beach so much you slept through our entire visit to the beach (as soon as you stopped crying about how much you hated the beach.)

Today we head back to Indiana, rumor is they missed us horribly. The weather in California is wonderful. But you and I? We belong back home. With these dorks.

We have a marvelous life you and me.

I’m glad we get to spend it together.

Thanks for being my baby, baby.

*clears throat* Hi. Hello. I’m Casey and I refuse to go to the bathroom in front of anyone over the age of four except for female nurses in a hospital setting.

Aside from Addie coming in after age four to have a little conversation with me, no one has ever seen me go to the bathroom except for female nurses in a hospital setting.

But Casey! Cody saw you birth a baby! Surely that’s not any different!

I’ve only birthed two babies in my 29 years and both times something marvelous and distracting came out in the form of a baby. I can assure you, never in my 29 years has something marvelous and distracting come out aside from humans.

You’ve been married ten years! You’ve gone camping! You’ve stayed in hotels! You’ve been in the hospital! You’ve been pregnant! YOU LIVED IN A ONE BEDROOM ONE BATHROOM APARTMENT!

You’re not going to get me on this one. I would rather die a slow horrible death from backed up poop and pinched in pee than go to the bathroom in front of my husband. PERIOD.

What about your close friends and family?

I’ll just say I’ve never seen a single one of my girlfriends naked. Sadly I am well aware of the ones who DO NOT SHUT THE DOOR ZOMG SHUT THE DOOR OR WE CANNOT STAY IN HOTEL ROOMS TOGETHER.

I have spent the last three days in a very small hotel room with my mom and only sister. We all shut the door. And keep our bits covered. If we can do it, you can do it.

I guess if you want a little backstory, if I ever wanted to become instantly unattracted to a boy in my younger years I would picture him taking a giant sweaty too much Mexican food pit stop. Attraction CURED! Not to mention, you may *think* you only have a #1 to attend to. But sometimes #2 can appear! OUT OF NOWHERE! Or there’s the dreaded #1.5 in the form of giant echoing farts against cold porcelain.

Even when I’m old and in diapers while Cody is still strong, able bodied and nimble, I will pay some young woman nurse good money to come in and change me. I’m sure Cody would offer, but honestly him paying the young nurse lady would be a much grander gesture of love and affection in our senior years.

So when did you first break the “potty in front of a loved one” barrier? WHO’S WITH ME?

Because with me is really the only place to be.

*shuts door on way out, you’re welcome.*