I used to get offended a lot.

A lot.

Remind me to tell you about the time I walked out of church because I was so offended.

Nobody can know everything about everyone’s situation.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton

There are too many people and too many situations to understand them all.

Someone is going to say something at some point that is going to ignite that little fire inside you. You are going to want to fire back. I’m going to ask you not to do that. I’m going to ask that when you find yourself offended? Take a deep breath and count to ten.

Cheesy I know, but it totally works.

Depending on the situation find out as much about the person as you can (without gossiping.)

I hate to break it to you but there are some people out there who have led charmed lives and are incapable of understanding the emotional complexities of difficult situations. However it’s not painful to admit that some people are just jerks looking for a fight.

Then there are the people in the middle. This is where I fall. I say stupid stuff sometimes. I try not to say as much stupid stuff as often. Sometimes I fail. But I apologize. And I genuinely mean my apologies. And I change.

Sometimes people don’t know they’re being offensive until someone gently corrects them.

Gently. Privately.

Assertively correct someone with a sprinkle of insult and fury yourself?

That person isn’t going to change. They’re just going to be convinced that you’re the offensive jerk.

and they cycle continues.

It is very, very easy not to be offended by a book. You just have to shut it.
Salman Rushdie

It is very, very easy not to be offended by the Internet. You just have to click the little x.

It is very, very easy not to be offended by a TV show. You just have to turn it off.

Being offended is a choice.

Feeling offended is involuntary.

What you choose to do with that feeling is voluntary.

You’re not going to agree with everything everyone says every time. And not everyone is going to agree with you. That would be very boring.

But we can all make our disagreements much more civil.

Besides, when you’re the civil one it makes it a lot easier to weed out who the true turds are.

And true turds are rare.

Don’t be a turd.


You can be understanding and accepting without condoning.

Speak softly and carry a big stick. Preferably a pretty one you found on Pinterest or Etsy.

Comments

  1. Excellent pie chart! I feel ya here. Thank you for posting!

  2. ::applause::

  3. BRILLIANT. that is all :)

  4. This is a much needed reminder.

  5. I don’t think I tell you how much I love you often enough.

  6. I agree wholeheartedly. In my experience, a person chooses to be offended. Unfortunately in my life a lot of people make this choice. :/

    I seem to have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth a LOT but my intentions… oh my intentions! They are always well-meaning. So, I try to remember the intentions thing, and also try to remember those choosey easily offended people, and then go about my life.

    For the record, I am very very hard to offend. I think some things hurt me more than offend me, from traumatic things in my life that I haven’t gotten over just yet. We all have that. We all have FEELINGS! And intentions. Those intentions.

    Steph

  7. You are awesome – just that

  8. I came here expecting to be offended, and I wasn’t.

    This upsets me greatly.

  9. “They’re YOUR feelings, quit forcing them on the rest of the world.” — my mom

    I am rarely offended, so I tend to have little patience for those who are, but I always try to empathize with them. It just seems very sad to me, because it seems like, in looking for things to get offended about, they could be missing out on so much goodness.

  10. Preach it, yo.

  11. A-to-the-freaking-men.

    Seriously.

  12. Lisa Cunningham says:

    “There’s too many people and…” is incorrect grammar. I am not offended. I just prefer proper grammar in published materials.

  13. I have honestly never thought of it that way. I feel like I get offended super easily, I also forgive super easily so it’s rarely an actual problem. But my feelings get hurt often, and rarely are they meant to be. But you’re right, it is my choice to get upset about it, and its my choice to not address it so the person can understand WHY that upset me.

    I will try to be better about this! =)

  14. Amen, sister. Amen.

  15. This is so awesome. SO AWESOME. That is all.

  16. Excellent!

  17. Word.

  18. YES. Especially the part about sometimes saying stupid stuff. I SO do that, and I always feel awful.

  19. mrshiggison says:

    So wise…the difference between being and feeling.
    I am a constant work in progress with this topic, this will help:)

  20. O M G this is SO TRUE!!!! I love this!!!

  21. I love that turn sign. LOVE IT!

  22. Thank you. I needed that. Most excellent advice. Now I want pie….

  23. I have been struggling with this lately. I mean like really really a lot.

    I get offended so easily and then get defensive about the offense and then suddenly I am a volcano of hot lava erupting all over the person that was offended me.

    Then I become the butthead. I don’t really know how to change it. I know I need to change but I’ve always been aggressive and I’ve always been defensive.

    Ugh, such BIG problems I have.

  24. Well said.

  25. Murasaki Shikibu says:

    Finally…someone with some sanity. :)

  26. aaaaaaahahaha: GO LAY IN THE YARD
    (i am so using that. mind?)

    sam {temptingsam} Reply:

    @hello haha narf, I’m gonna use it to. With my kids. HAHA

  27. Love this!

  28. Beautifully said. I talk a lot so naturally say things I shouldn’t. When I sincerly apologize and it’s not accepted, I get offended! ;) I like you visuals, too.

  29. Hmm. (Sorry, very self-centered comment ahead…) I’m glad you wrote this. I find, in my experience, that it is the most abrasive and in-year-face people who are easily offended. Like the ones who view themselves as sassy and outspoken and straight-forward and opinionated but are, actually, just kind of rude. You know those? Do not step on their toes. I am generally very slow to react when I feel offended because I have a lot of practice being slow to react. I do get my feelings hurt, however. Even when I don’t speak up. I often react when I am hurt with stinging, obvious tears, even in public. And every once in awhile I slip up and say something, because I am a flawed human being. Which sucks. But is part of life. I am always very sorry. I honestly wish I could put more of myself out there without worrying that someone else will be offended or hurt. But I just don’t have the energy to deal with it.

  30. I could not love you more than I do RIGHT now.

  31. *Stands up and begins slow clap*

    I love you. Beautifully said, my friend.

  32. Atta girl. I live in Utah so this one’s a biggie for many folks. I’m navigating the waters better… and so are my friends. Nice post.

  33. I love love love this!

  34. love it!

  35. I don’t even pay attention to people who are against gay marriage anymore. I don’t even try to change their minds. In my state, my friends and family have the right to get married. I will celebrate each and every one of those weddings with glee, and rejoice as the rest of the country gets with the program!

    Love you lady.

  36. You’re totally my hero, Casey. You say everything I want to say only with better flow. And properly spell checked.