Hey look at me! Talking about my cats again! Pretty soon I’m just going to go into a complete cat lady montage wearing a bedazzled cat sweatshirt with attached collar to the tune of “You Light Up my Life” as I gaze longingly into their eyes (well, eye) Only it has to be the Debbie Boone version of “You Light Up My Life” the LeAnn Rimes version is way too normal for what’s going on up in here.
You know what I forgot about owning cats and a piano at the same time?
They will jump up on the keys in the middle of the night and walk across them, but instead of being level headed and thinking “Whoops! Forgot to close the piano keys and those pesky cats are at it again!” you think “A MURDERER GOT INTO THE HOUSE AND IS PLAYING THEIR OWN HORROR MURDER MUSIC WITH THEIR RUSTY HOOK BEFORE THEY MURDER ME IN MY BED AND I THINK THERE WAS A LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT THIS OR IF NOT MAYBE I’M GOING TO BE THE SUBJECT OF ONE…”THE PIANO PRELUDE KILLER”…OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND KIRSTEN DUNST WILL PLAY ME BECAUSE SHE HASN’T BEEN IN A GOOD MOVIE FOR A WHILE SO LIFETIME SPECIALS MUST BE NEXT FOR HER.”
You know, or something like that.
I also found two entirely new ways to feel like the absolute filthiest person you know.
A) Purchase a large dark multicolored wool rug and watch as your formerly clean house becomes littered with tiny little wool rug threads that stick to everything and look like you hate vacuuming or performing any sort of regular house maintenance at all. Attempt to blame said rug when you see company’s eyes shift downwards towards your fiber covered floor and see the obvious look of judgement when they assume you are attempting to pass of copious amounts of cat hair and filth as “rug fibers.”
I SWEAR IT’S THE RUG.
B) Adopt two cats from the Human Society only to discover that one of them has a tapeworm a week later (Hint, it’s not Wink.) The levels of disgusting range from “OH HI CAT WITH A GIANT PARASITIC WORM INSIDE OF YOU.” to frantic cleaning and decontaminating every surface ever touched by said cat, which is convenient given that the rug already has you working overtime with vacuum in hand.
Whoever said animals were easier than kids is A TOTAL LIAR.
Poor girl that sat next to me at church asked me some question and I responded with “I spent the morning cleaning up tapeworm segments from my cat.”
Parasites, rug confetti and gorilla paw cats.
It’s how we roll these days.