I can only assume that when you lose someone close to you, it’s pretty common to be blindsided by sadness on occasion.
I’m happy she’s there, I really am. But I miss her so much.
While I was in Utah I considered taking Vivi to her headstone but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. All that headstone marks is where her body is. The part I loved most, her spirit, is up in heaven and very much alive in my little baby who is named after her. Before she passed, I always stopped at a 24 hour Mexican place in downtown Salt Lake on my way to her house. I always ordered Cheryl a burrito with beans and rice, I always got the tacos. I would drive it up to her, smother her burrito in hot sauce, cut it into little pieces, she’d pop open a caffeine free diet Dr. Pepper, and we’d talk for hours about everything.
I stopped at our Mexican place one afternoon two weeks ago. It was my first time ordering just the tacos. It was also my first time turning left out of the drive-thru, not right.
None of it felt right and the tacos tasted funny.
I know I’ll see her again, but sometimes I want to be selfish and have her back here with me so my tacos taste better and I don’t have to cry when I look at my phone.