It’s like juggling. (I mean, not really because I can’t juggle.)
Maybe it’s like that Simon game, did you ever play that?
It had four different colored lights and sounds and it would give you a pattern, you’d have to follow the pattern back and every time you successfully did it would add a new light and sound to the pattern. You’d have it in your head, the little rhythm, the sounds, the lights. Beep beep boop beep bop boom boom beep!
But then something would happen, the phone would ring, someone would knock at the door, or you’d hear a big ‘thud’ from upstairs.
You’d miss the newest light – so you’d guess.
Beep beep boop beep bop boom boom beep – - boop?
You’d get it right! Phew. Game saved.
But then something else would happen, but not only would you miss the next light, you lost the pattern
Beep beep boop beep bop – - – boom? Boop? Beep?
Panic sets in.
Suddenly you don’t even remember how the pattern started, what color comes after green or if boop goes with red or yellow.
Either you get the answer wrong or you take to long to answer and you hear a grating “BRRRRRG” sound.
You were so close to finishing, getting your highest score ever, and now you’re back to where you started with nothing to show for it but frazzled nerves and sweaty palms.
Something distracted me. The weather? Too many responsibilities? Looming deadlines? Unreachable goals? Inevitable failure? Chemical imbalance? Intimidation? Self esteem?
I’ve forgotten what comes next.
It’s sitting like a lump in my throat. It’s evident in my sweaty and shaky hands. It’s impossible to ignore my heavy pulse.
I’m not gone yet.
I’m employing every emergency tactic I can think of and I’m desperately trying to remember what comes next before it all times out.