So, that funk I am in, how’s that working out for me?
As long as I remember to breathe deeply and keep moving forward.
At first all I wanted to do was sleep. SLEEEEP. Then I couldn’t sleep at all, which is TERRIBLE because you’re left thinking your own thoughts all alone in bed and oftentimes those thoughts aren’t the nicest ones you could be thinking.
Then there was the whole my period being a week late thing. Which, GRRARGFLBLE and also &*$%#. There are several people who are currently pregnant who were also pregnant when I was pregnant with Vivi, which BLESS YOUR HEARTS I AM NOT THERE YET. Perhaps I’m more susceptible to the mind numbing life force that is a toddler or perhaps I missed some maternal gene somewhere, but I cannot even FATHOM being pregnant right now. Wasn’t I just pregnant, like last month? Oy.
Needless to say my period being a week late didn’t help in the whole mental game of being me.
I guess you could say I’m in the thick of a depression hangover, there’s still an awful lot of anxiety and self loathing, but I am functioning at a much higher level than I was a week ago. I also haven’t cried as much, which is saying something. I’m also back to “Eh, it’s not that bad!” which may be the quickest I’ve ever rebounded from the depths, hooray for properly working medication.
I’ve had this overwhelming sense lately that the world is really, really good. That we’re slowly finding ways around judgment and hate, using beauty to spread messages rather than scare tactics or snide remarks. The latest Macklemore video is proof of that. I have so much hope in the generation we’re raising right now. A little toy just showed up at my door, a Princess Sofia amulet that said “A princess can do anything a prince can do.” A prince can also do anything a princess can do. (I mean, if you’re super cynical and want to get down to “A prince can’t give birth and a princess can’t pee as well standing up” clearly you’re on the wrong blog.)
This post by my friend Ami kind of sums up how I feel about everything right now, what if I’m not doing enough? What if I could be doing more? What if I’m screwing my children out of some promising future because of present circumstances? It’s a good one, I’ll tell you that.
I know, I just became rambly, sorry Vivi. Quit with the judgmental stares.
Hope you’re all doing well out there.