Addie was still crying as I tucked her in tonight, she didn’t do what I had asked and ended up missing out on 15 minutes of iPad time before bed.
Parenting this child is taking all I have.
Her heart is so huge and her spirit so loving that keeping her on the right track without breaking her is a daily challenge.
I could tell something was off yesterday, and after asking a few questions she broke down into heartbreaking sobs. She misses her daddy. She wishes we could all spend all of our time together as a family. She wants to be with Vivi more than she wants to be at summer camp swimming and playing with friends.
They were the kind of sobs that make you feel terrible as a parent, yet so glad that your child is willing to talk to you about what’s hurting them.
I’ve been praying overtime, asking for all the help I can get to raise this child into the best human she can be.
As I kissed her goodnight I whispered “Do you know what goes on in my head when I think about you? I think about how magnificent you are, how much you love us, how amazing you are as a big sister, how well you take care of others — I don’t ever dwell on the things you’ve done wrong. When I think about you my heart gets so big it feels like it may explode.”
I am so proud of her.
Tonight a little boy was trapped at the top of a big slide, too scared to go down alone. Without even being asked, Addie had him sit in her lap and rode down with him.
I hate that I sometimes have to do things that make me a bad mom in her eyes, if only to make sure I’m the right mom she needs to grow into a good kid.
We all feels this way, right?