I’m trying to be more naked — in the gym locker room at least.

30 years.

While I perfected the get-dressed-under-the-towel routine in high school, there’s no reason for me to still be doing it at 31.

Especially when I’m alone in the locker room.

It’s when I’m alone in the locker room that I’ve been testing out the whole naked thing, what’s the big deal? Being naked is fine!

The big deal is I tried the “I thought I was by myself” naked thing today only to turn around topless and face to face with a woman from church.

“HI THERE. HERE’S MY BOOBS. BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D BE SEEING THOSE!”

The thing is, she didn’t care. She’s not going to run off and tell everyone else that my left boob is noticeably bigger than my right or that I failed to groom a few dark hairs growing around my bellybutton.

In fact I’d like Addie to be around the ladies locker room a little bit more, so she can see what regular bodies look like more often rather than seeing the ones in various magazines and catalogs around my house where everyone is smooth and no one has varicose veins or foldy bits on their midsection.

Eventually 98% of us are going to end up a little softer, rounder, more dimpled and more textured in our older years. Seeing it our younger years lets us know what’s ahead, and there’s nothing wrong with what’s ahead as long as we’re happy and healthy.

I’ve had terrible body image issues throughout my entire life, I had C cups in 7th grade while both my mom and my sister have always been twee and petite. If you know me for real you’ll know I’m not a hulking human being by any means, but in my house growing up (and even to this day) I feel enormous next to my mom and sister.

My mom has always taken pretty good care of herself, but not to the extremes that I have had to go to in order to stay fitting in my pants, she comes from stupid good genetics and there’s times I curse the fact that I didn’t get more of them. I keep telling myself that one day the fact that I have never stepped toe in a tanning bed or spent much time in the sun will pay off — but until then I’m left feeling incredibly average, round, and soft, which is fine.

I just have to constantly remind myself that I’m perfect just the way I am.

Lopsided tatas and all.

 

Comments

  1. I still feel awkward with others seeing my body. I do my best to exercise and eat generally well. Ive never smoked and don’t drink to excess. I try to set a good example for my 8 year old daughter. I’m also 5’9″ and not super thin….but I’m healthy. Hopefully she grows up knowing healthy is better than skinny.

    Casey Reply:

    @Megan, That’s all we can really do. I think the most important thing to remember at our daughter’s age is that they think we are invincible, beautiful and flawless.

  2. WHOA! I see YOUR smile in the first pic when your mom was in her 30′s. All of you in the family… mothers, daughters, granddaughters are simply gorgeous.

    Casey Reply:

    @OHmommy, That’s probably my favorite picture of my mom, there’s nothing posed about it.

  3. I feel your pain about being a size C in 7th grade, in fact, I had hit that prior to the end of 6th grade! But where you are the “enormous” one in comparison to your mother, I am tiny! My mother has size F and my grandma like H or Double Fs. It’s CRAZY! (They’re also tall & bigger ladies so it works for them…shorty genes right here!) ;-)
    Also, just an observation: is your mom rocking the same bikini at age 62 as she was age 42?!? :-D

    Casey Reply:

    @Vicki, She is. The elastic was a little worn out so it was an exciting adventure every time she wore it. :)

  4. I am still very uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t like being naked in front of anyone (including myself). Growing up, nudity, sexuality, etc. were very much frowned upon in my family. You didn’t talk about it. You didn’t let anyone see you naked. That still resonates in my head today.

    I do think it is awesome that you are teaching your girls that their body isn’t something they should be ashamed of. Yes, you teach them modesty, but being proud of your body and being modest go very much together.

    I think you are an awesome mom and I miss you.

    Casey Reply:

    @Anjala, Funny how much our childhood experiences influence everything in our older years, no matter what we look like.

  5. I still struggle being naked in front of my husband.

    I’ve never been tiny and have a very beautiful, thinner, younger sister which has always lead to me feeling chunky and clumsy beside her, However – when I told my sister how I felt her response wasn’t smugness but shock – she exclaimed how can I feel clumsy around her, she always feels stupid around me as I was always the “clever” one

    Just recently I’ve begun to really understand that body image and confidence is something every person as at one time or another has struggled with on some level – and is actually something I recently wrote about for my own blog (don’t read if you offended by fat people http://www.weirdbutinagoodway.co.uk/blog/2013/07/17/being-brave-my-body/)

    -

    Casey Reply:

    @Steph, Love. Thank you for sharing. I shared it a few places, more women need women like you on their radar.

    Also, let’s discuss how amazing your photography is, because damn.

    Steph Reply:

    @Casey, Thank you :)

  6. As someone who spent a fair amount of time feeling your tatas in public yesterday, I can say I’m a fan.

    Also, if you want Addie around locker room nakedness more often: swim lessons. I spent 13 years running around naked in front of 30 other girls.

    I also MAY have run up and down the school halls before school started, singing Tubthumping. While naked. *ahem*

  7. My mom and my sister a tiny also. It’s amazing how growing up in that environment sticks in you head.

  8. If you want to be around more locker room nudity, I suggest practicing Bikram yoga. I’ve never been comfortable being naked in “public”, but within a 10 day Groupon class period, I went from changing in a stall to stripping down completely in the open room. I’ve never seen so many naked women before in my life!…just standing around chatting too! It was…beautiful? :)

  9. I love this – thank you, Casey.

  10. I love that she’s wearing the same swimsuit in the last 2 pictures.

    I wish the same for my daughter…and myself. Acceptance and love.