We’re moving in four days. Not a single box packed. I took an epic nap of denial today. So there’s that.” -@oiler02

Christmas is less than a week away, which means I should be vibrating with holiday cheer and magic — but instead I’ve become incredibly familiar with the epic nap of denial.

Today I made the mistake of going to the grocery store sad, hungry and alone which means potato chips for breakfast with a Pop-Tart chaser.

Wink decided yesterday that what we really needed in place of nice Christmas dinner  and presents was a vet bill for $170.

Seems this is the fourth year in a row of the Christmastime glums, but each year has been marked by sadness for a different reason. Not sure what’s wrong this year, but three years ago I can clearly remember being so sad and pregnant that I took up permanent residence on the couch watching old Christmas movies. Meet Me in St. Louis is the one that sent me over the edge, Judy Garland singing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” was the nail in my proverbial coffin of holiday cheer.

I don’t dislike Christmas, in fact I rather enjoy a dozen different aspects of the holiday season — especially all the lights. I’ve convinced myself that my neighbors keep their lights up until April, not because they’re lazy — but because Christmas lights brighten up the oftentimes miserable landscape of Indiana in winter. I love playing Santa for my girls, I love the smell of our tree, I love seeing Vivi play with her little nativity and I love when Addie gets home and attends to every advent we’ve accumulated over the last several years.

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But there are other aspects that aren’t my favorite. The commercialism, the greediness, the gimme-gimme and the complete loss of the whole reason Christmas began.

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Being with my family and having our little traditions is what carries me through each year. Like Chinese food and  watching Elf on Christmas Eve (modified from my childhood tradition of crab legs, which I still love, but no one else does and when you’re the only one who actually enjoys a tradition it’s really just everyone else putting up with your strong need for drawn butter and difficult food) Christmas jammies, (started when we moved to Indiana) a giant bowl of M&Ms on Christmas Day (Cody’s childhood tradition) and a delicious Christmas brunch (sort of a conglomeration of both our childhoods and the belief that brunch is the best most indulgent meal of life.)

This year we added driving around looking at Christmas lights and cutting down our own Christmas tree.

It doesn’t help that so many other people in the world are all “GO GO GO!” and if you’re not “WHY AREN’T YOU?” I did everything important ahead of time so I wouldn’t have to leave the house in December, but that’s part of the problem — I haven’t left the house. There may be a little cabin fever going on, but I don’t want to leave the house, it’s crazy out there. So I hang out in the house painting with Vivi, playing games with Addie and baking way too many treats.

And really? It’s not that bad. Vivi is hysterical, Addie is always down for a snuggle, the house smells of Christmas and there’s always these two little girls together:

...Vivi's little paws wrapped around bunny...

Maybe I’ll stop looking at my epic naps of denial as failure during the holiday season and instead look at them as a way to recharge and take care of myself during a season full of so much. I mean, I’ve already finished the things that needed to get done, and there will always be more things to do so why not just snuggle down right here in front of the fire and zzz…

Where do you find the most magic during this time of year?

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I’m so thankful to be partnering with Hallmark during the holiday season on a series of sponsored posts to talk about all the little ways this season can bring us together and allow us to look at life and our relationships in a new way. I’m also thankful to Hallmark for having cards that deal with some of the more difficult moments in life, the ones that show it’s okay to not be 100% and that laughing about it is okay. If you haven’t been in a Hallmark store lately you should go, a mailed card really is the best way to get to someone in this increasingly digital world. Save $5 on your $10 purchase in stores now with this printable coupon.

Comments

  1. I love your posts – they’re so real and honest.

    Aren’t the stores terrifying in December? I much prefer them on a Tuesday morning in January when I have it to myself.

  2. It isn’t just you. This is a hard time of year, for sure. We have a “ride the wave” policy over here. Enjoying happy moments as they come and riding through the sad moments until we feel better. Hugs to you, my friend.

  3. My holiday joy comes from my daughter’s holiday excitement…we made reindeer food for Santa’s deer so that when he is unloading his gift at our house they can have a snack. I made it up as I wnet along (coffee beans to help the reindeer to stay awake, marshmallows for flavor, a candy cane to fight bad reindeer breath…) but she loved it, her eyes were the size of dinner plates when I told her that there were accompanying magic words, Meck-a-leck-a-hi Mech-a-heiney-ho. When they are still young enough to believe in magic it is easy to find the fun and joy. Oh and hey I must make mention that I just love Vivi’s little hands in the bottom picture, and again I am forced to wonder if it is okay for an adult to be so irrationally jealous of a toddlers hair.

  4. Vivi’s little hands all clasped together while Addie reads is just too special.