the one about all the stomach flu blues.

Hey. So I’m just going to go ahead and get it all out about today.

Vomit. Vomit and poop for the last 48 hours from everyone but me. (SO FAR.)

When there are three people suffering from this kind of sick and only one of the three is self sufficient that leaves me with the assist. Now, to be fair, the bigger one is somewhat self-cleaning, but seeing her poor little face with tears because she feels so damn awful and there isn’t a thing I can do for her — that’s a different story. She’s been pretty low key, she’s napped a lot and stayed pretty quiet and non-demanding.

This is why we rescue pets.

THE LITTLE ONE ON THE OTHER HAND. She plays this twisted game of “I’M FINE!” all day long then when night comes she turns exorcist on me. During the day I’m required to wrangle a very nosy two year old away from two very sick people who want nothing to do with the human race, hearing any sound or being touched ever again. During the night, it’s all about washing vomit out of hair at midnight and changing sheets while simultaneously keeping the cats FROM LICKING VOMIT.

I’ve had to consider every single thing I’ve prepared over the last 48 hours based on what it would be like when it comes back out. I will say this, two hyperemesis pregnancies have made a vomit master. Just last week I was overwhelmed with the feeling that all I do all day is feed people and as soon as they’re done with one meal they’re wondering what the next one will be. Lately no one wants to eat anything which makes *that* part of my job super easy.

Silver linings.

I had the chance to sneak away to the gym today and the treadmill warned me about halfway through my run that my heart rate may be too high and I should take it easy. I can say I have never reached maximum capacity on a treadmill before, I sort of felt like a boss. It may have been the first time ever I actually enjoyed working out, normally I do it just so I don’t die unhealthy — but today felt really cathartic.

I had to take Vivi with me to the pharmacy where she bolted down the feminine care aisle, spread out her arms and shouted “LOOK MOM, YOUR DIAPERS!” then as I paid for my one thousandth prescription for Zofran ,Vivi figured out how the snaps on her shirt worked and was half naked by the time I turned around.

I plunked both little girls in the tub before bedtime because everyone had worked up a funk over the course of the day and without me even asking they took turns washing each others hair, my heart may have exploded a little bit. Moments later Vivi asked to see everyone’s nibbles (nipples) and demanded I take out my ‘udders’ so she could see mine.

I politely declined.

Have you seen this video? The company can basically have all my money (and it already has a lot) and tears because dear sweet heavens.

NYCharging.

Hey there, lost my mind today when my lunch was interrupted several times by someone who claimed they didn’t know how to wash strawberries and then again by someone who kept making demands of said strawberries. I feel I should also mention I was hiding in the kitchen to eat my lunch so the circling vultures wouldn’t move in on what I had made myself rendering me lunchless.

I’m in this stage of life where I don’t get to just sit down and eat, I get to serve everyone else, cut big things into small bites for some people and make sure everyone has a drink, enough sauce, the right utensil and if something gets spilled I’m usually the one closest to the towels. It’s okay, it really is. I can still remember the last time my dad ever cut my French toast for me, I wonder if he remembers it too? If he remembers that transition to me not needing him for stuff like that anymore.

This is exactly the type of thing you can’t focus on when you’re a parent. Like when’s the last time I took a shower without someone asking me about my udders? When’s the last time I used the restroom without someone banging at the door for something? When’s the last time I talked to another grown up I’m not related to? When’s the last time I had an uninterrupted meal or conversation? While we’re at it, when’s the last time I shaved my legs? WAIT! Where did that chin hair come from?

It’s nice to raise these little people to independence, but sometimes the road to independence is paved with screaming frustration.

Like today.

This weekend I’m headed to New York City with my camera. I miss having my camera in my hand, I miss that excitement of having a memory card full of possibilities and going to bed at 2 am because I just can’t quite quit Lightroom just yet.

My hands have been full, literally and figuratively, being a mom.

The mom part of me is worn out, the wife part of me is grateful for a husband who supports what I love to do. The creative part of me is desperate to get out and make something beautiful and tangible that doesn’t hide under the table to poop or laugh when I take off my pants.

What is your thing? What is your escape? What brings you back to center and recharges your batteries for everything you have to face in life?

This is mine.

Self Portrait Chicago '08

(Side note, this photo is from 2008, before Vivi came out of my hips sideways and permanently altered my bone structure. Ah, memories.)