Hey there, lost my mind today when my lunch was interrupted several times by someone who claimed they didn’t know how to wash strawberries and then again by someone who kept making demands of said strawberries. I feel I should also mention I was hiding in the kitchen to eat my lunch so the circling vultures wouldn’t move in on what I had made myself rendering me lunchless.

I’m in this stage of life where I don’t get to just sit down and eat, I get to serve everyone else, cut big things into small bites for some people and make sure everyone has a drink, enough sauce, the right utensil and if something gets spilled I’m usually the one closest to the towels. It’s okay, it really is. I can still remember the last time my dad ever cut my French toast for me, I wonder if he remembers it too? If he remembers that transition to me not needing him for stuff like that anymore.

This is exactly the type of thing you can’t focus on when you’re a parent. Like when’s the last time I took a shower without someone asking me about my udders? When’s the last time I used the restroom without someone banging at the door for something? When’s the last time I talked to another grown up I’m not related to? When’s the last time I had an uninterrupted meal or conversation? While we’re at it, when’s the last time I shaved my legs? WAIT! Where did that chin hair come from?

It’s nice to raise these little people to independence, but sometimes the road to independence is paved with screaming frustration.

Like today.

This weekend I’m headed to New York City with my camera. I miss having my camera in my hand, I miss that excitement of having a memory card full of possibilities and going to bed at 2 am because I just can’t quite quit Lightroom just yet.

My hands have been full, literally and figuratively, being a mom.

The mom part of me is worn out, the wife part of me is grateful for a husband who supports what I love to do. The creative part of me is desperate to get out and make something beautiful and tangible that doesn’t hide under the table to poop or laugh when I take off my pants.

What is your thing? What is your escape? What brings you back to center and recharges your batteries for everything you have to face in life?

This is mine.

Self Portrait Chicago '08

(Side note, this photo is from 2008, before Vivi came out of my hips sideways and permanently altered my bone structure. Ah, memories.)

Comments

  1. Erin Marie says:

    I sew. I put on a podcast, put both earbuds in my ears (I often use just one so I can still have an ear tuned to my kids), and just sew. There are days when I eat my dinner quickly and then escape to my sewing room, leaving my husband with all four kids to clean up, entertain for an hour, and put to bed. I’m usually much better the next day and able to cope.

    Or, often, I realize I’m mostly overwhelmed by my kids because my house is messy (or my to-do list is too long, but mostly it’s the house). So I clean, and then I can handle being a mom much better.

    Having a great husband makes all the difference in the world.

  2. Yay for getting the heck out of Indiana and to a place where there is maybe less snow. Or sun in the sky? Anything!!

  3. Knitting! It is my happy place. I especially love to knit with a sleeping dog in my lap.

  4. Enjoy the time to yourself. It is so hard to meet everyone’s needs before your own. But as you said, one day they won’t need us anymore and that will feel worse. My escape is coaching gymnastics one night a week. Which is funny because for 3 hours I take care of other kids!

  5. My escape – it all depends on my mood. It used to be crocheting, but I’ve been hit or miss with that lately. Sometimes, it’s a good book. But, most of the time, I let myself get lured in by the shininess of television. It’s true.

    BTW, I miss you tons.

  6. Occasionally, I’ll indulge myself in a little online shopping! But if I really need to get out of the house, I go running

  7. Baking. And, umm, eating baked goods. Mainly just eating baked goods. Basically just put carbs in my mouth and I’m a happy camper.

  8. My husband and I sat here reading this post and laughing, because this is so our life right now. With a 1 and 3 yr old, we have absolutely no time for an uninterrupted meal, shower, etc. My small recharges are nap times, in which I do not feel guilty at all about doing absolutely nothing but curling up under a blanket and resting. And a large recharge is a date with my husband. Makes me feel like us again and reminds me of simpler times.

  9. It used to be that I would escape by eating. Yeah, not exactly healthy- toddler-caused obesity is a real thing. Now, I try to lose myself in a good book.

  10. You hit the nail on the head about falling into the “last time” trap as a parent. I would drink far less wine if I stopped thinking about those so very long ago, last times! As far as my escape, at the moment, it’s really the simplest of things…taking a shower. A long, hot one, where I turn on my music really loud and lock the door. It reminds me of the pre-kid days when I had all the time in the world for myself :-)!

  11. I read. Although that’s not much of an escape, because to the rest of my family I’m not doing anything. But I am. I’m recharging.

  12. Ah Casey. I TOTALLY get this! I hope your weekend in NYC was everything you wanted. I’m going to St. Louis as my parents tour guide for spring break and I CAN NOT WAIT to be able to eat an entire meal without having to do anything more than maybe pass something to another adult.
    I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling not so great lately. I hope it passes more quickly this time…

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