Cody once worked with a guy that removed his wedding ring depending on the type of customer he was serving. Cody and I both thought it was pretty smarmy and gross (and we still do) but we didn’t know much about marriage as we were wee babes ourselves.

After our own vows and rings were exchanged, I can remember going to a wedding reception when Cody forgot his ring. I flew into a crying fit in the parking lot “HOW WILL ANYONE KNOW WE’RE MARRIED! PEOPLE WILL THINK WE’RE JUST ENGAGED! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?”

So.

You could say I was passionate about rings.

Over the years a number of different things made wearing rings difficult: basketball, gaining weight, having babies, going to the gym, and swimming. There were even times we would go on vacation and both opt to leave our rings behind “just in case.” By this point, we knew we were married and it didn’t really matter if he was marked with a gold band or not (one thing I’ve learned over the last 14 years is people don’t often care if someone is wearing a ring or not. Keep it classy, society.) So while our rings hold enormous sentimentality and symbolism, neither of us will forget we’re married without them.

Back in 2009, when I went through Lupron hell, I was lost. Gone. Completely messed up in every area of my life. I felt completely abandoned by Cody, and own brain as well. When Cody and I decided to stay together, I had this intense need to drown out the emotional pain I felt from the previous six months and in some way show Cody how dedicated I was to making our marriage work.

So I got his name tattooed on my butt.

Kidding!

I did get a tattoo. One that has even deeper meaning to me than a ring. Rings can be lost, stolen, left behind and removed when the situation desires. Tattoos are kind of there forever. I didn’t tell Cody I was getting them, and later I sent him a picture and a statement that said “I’m sorry, but I had to do this for me.” (He was totally anti-tattoo at the time, not only for religious reasons, but he is also terrified of needles.) A week later he came out to see me at my parents house and he asked me about getting them, I told him that the obnoxious stinging and buzzing was a welcome sensation compared to all the other things I had been feeling recently. Later that night, he pulled me aside and took off his shirt to reveal the exact same tattoos on his own shoulders.

We matched.

We went together.

If you were to put us in a group of a million other people, you would know we go together. That is an intensely intimate and comforting feeling, something no ring will ever be able to encompass or represent.

Someone the other night commented on the fact that I wasn’t wearing a wedding ring in an Instagram photo, it made her think that my marriage was in trouble and we were most certainly headed towards the end. But what you can’t see in the photo are my shoulders, my shoulders that match Cody’s. The tattoos that have us linked forever no matter what happens. They’re not flashy or showy, but they are deeply meaningful. Not only for what they represent, but for the season of life in which we both got them.

So that’s why you won’t always see me with a wedding ring, while I may wear my heart on my sleeve, I wear the love for my husband in ink on my shoulders.

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(But what do they MEEEAAANNN? You ask, well. If you ever saw Ghost, Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore said ‘ditto’ instead of  ‘I love you.’ Loce is our ditto.)

Comments

  1. Amanda Ryan says:

    Still too soon to bring up Patrick Swayze. I love that man…. And I love your love with Cody. Its real and thank you for sharing a little bit with us.

  2. That was lovely. I too sometimes go without my rings, I get terrible eczema, and you’re right, I don’t need them to know I’m married.

  3. Well done! I was moved by your personal story. What a great way to compliment each other.

  4. On so many levels – i love this. Beautiful.

  5. I have been following your blog for a long time now. You make me laugh, make me cry, give me hope, give me strength.

    The many times that I am down, I pop a mooshinindy pill to get myself through the phase.

    But the one thing I haven’t found here is Cody… I cry out to the Lord many times asking “where is MY ‘cody’”… thinking, wondering, knowing that it’s too late in life now to find that human connection…

    I am happy though that He’s given you yours…. :)

    Stay Blessed.

  6. I am without my rings more often than not. When we first got married, I never took them off. Then the first summer after we got married was one of the hottest we’ve had and I started getting a terrible rash under my rings, which caused them to get stuck on my finger! That was a traumatic experience and I thought my husband was going to break my finger off trying to help me. These days I never have any jewelry on when I’m at home (unless I’m hosting a party or something). The first thing I do when I come in the house is take off my shoes, take off my jewelry, and put on comfy clothes. If I’m leaving the house in yoga pants to run errands, etc., I don’t wear jewelry. If I’m putting on “real” clothes and makeup, then I put on my rings. In the first years of our marriage I used to worry about the same things you did, but then realized it just wasn’t a big deal. My rings are gorgeous, I love them, and I’m proud to wear them, but I don’t NEED them to feel a bond with my husband.I love that picture of you and Cody – it’s beautiful!

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  8. Great story, I sometimes take my engagement ring, but it feels like part of my hand is missing.