moosh in indy.

Who’s played Wii Fit?

Has it made you cry yet?

Have you at least sworn at it?

I have.

You see, Wii Fit is a computer. It could care less if you’re a hulking beast of muscle. All it knows is that you’re 5′2″ 26 years old and that you weigh 127 lbs. It doesn’t know about your delicate wrists or your slender neck. It just knows that mathematically the BMI for a 5′2″ 127 lb. 26 year old woman is 21.47.

21.47 is normal, 21.47 is healthy. It even tells you you’re normal and healthy. It will even indulge you with a Wii Fit age of 24 years old.

Aw, Wii Fit, you’re making me blush.

Hop on Wii Fit a week later after two days of period water weight bloat and a half box of Oreos from the night before and the Wii Fit will notice that you are now a 5′3″ woman who weighs 128.2 lbs. The Wii Fit will then draw an ENORMOUS RED LINE at a very steep angle from your previously recorded weight of 127 lbs. followed by a screen giving you six options as to why you’ve gained weight.

Why do you think you’ve gained weight this past week Casey?

a. I eat too much.

b. I eat before bed.

c. I don’t exercise enough.

d. I watch too much SYTYCD.

e. I eat half bags of Oreos in one sitting.

f. I don’t know.

No where is there an option for “I am a bloated heifer carrying around enough extra water weight to drown a small dinghy”.

So I selected “I don’t know.”

Wii Fit came back and told me some garbage about me being accountable for my eating habits and he’s just sure I know why I gained two pounds and to play Wii Fit everyday and he won’t let me get tubby like I’m letting myself get tubby without his cute computer sounds and addictive games.

This is when the Wii Fit was formally told to suck it.

Wii Fit then made my Mii avatar chubbier around the midsection, to reflect my newfound weight gain.

Touché , Wii Fit. touché .

That’s right my friends. With my new found riches from GE Caulk Singles I am going to sponsor one lucky readers hair TRANSFORMATION-mation-mation-mation…

Nothing can make a bad day good or a good day better like a great hair day.

I am here to make that happen for one lucky lady (or dude, whatever, but I’m going to warn you dudes the ladies are going to be pretty cranky if you get up in their hair contest.)

What’s even better? The hair goddess Sarah from Whoorl has agreed to join me in my efforts. The winner will be fast tracked to the FRONT! OF! THE! LINE! over at Hair Thursday (you know, the little hair site that has been in the NY Times and on Nightline? Yeah that one, the one with a massive waiting list?) Sarah herself will decide on a new style for the winner, readers will vote, off someone will go to a salon chair somewhere in the world to get a fabulous new do that they will come back and show off on Hair Thursday-all paid for by me and my cock caulk money (up to $140 USD).

Now here’s what you have to do.

You have to write a post on your own personal blog (Yes, you must have a blog for this contest, sorry.) sometime between today and Midnight EST Monday, July 14th.

• You must link back to this original entry and to Hair Thursday. Then, leave a comment on this post with a link to your entry. Each entry has to include:
• a picture from your horrid hair past (even if it was twenty minutes or twenty years ago) Like say, this one. (I know, believe me, I know. Where do you even begin making fun of such a photo?)

• a picture of a really good hair day captured on film (again, anytime in your life) Like this one perhaps:

• and a picture of where your hair stands today (or sits, or flies away, or frizzes, or poofs). (Which just happens to be like the above photo for me. Everyday. My hair is magical. Heh. Whatever.)

Anything else you add is completely up to you. The winner will be picked randomly from all qualifying entries and announced whilst Sarah and I are in San Francisco (between Thursday, July 18th and Sunday, July 20).

*************

Fine print? Well, to make sure you use the money for your hair, arrangements will be made with the winner for payment. I will either purchase a gift certificate to the salon of your choosing or will call the salon personally to make payment arrangements. You’ll also have to provide photos of your hair being done in a salon atmosphere, no Miss Clairol and home and passing it off as professional. You have to get your hair DONE and DONE RIGHT. You deserve it.)

Good luck!

Sunscreen is in every corner of every bag and of every room of every part of my life. I apply sunscreen every day, to me and the moosh. The pool opened last week and we pretty much live at the pool come summer. Living at the pool=Sunscreen. My goal was to end the summer the same pale shade of pasty as I started the summer out as. Shouldn’t be hard with 87 ounces of sunscreen at my disposal at any given moment, right?

Whatever.

I covered myself in sunscreen on Saturday. I didn’t burn. I stayed pasty. Well, except for my shoulders. WHO FORGETS TO PUT SUNSCREEN ON JUST THEIR FARGIN’ SHOULDERS? Are you kidding me? Four hours at the pool with not even a hair shading my shoulders. GAH.

Even more reason to wear my crazy sun hat. What does my crazy sun hat look like? Crazy and big. That’s what. I can’t even find a hat online that even compares to the crazy bigness of my crazy big sunhat.

So to all of you who will see me at the pool, be prepared for the hat.

Because this sunburn garbage suh-huh-ucks.