marriage

cody powered.

“But weren’t you just in LA?”

“Wait, now you’re in Texas?”

“Hey, didn’t you just get back from a cruise?”

“You were in Florida again?”

“Didn’t you go to New York last month?”

“Are you ever home?”

Yes.

“You must have lots of family and support nearby to do all of this!”

Nope.

What I do have is a really, really good husband.

Cody wears pink

He keeps this place running when I’m away and he never slacks when it comes to loving our little girls.

He makes sure everyone gets tucked in and read stories at night, he plays with them, he takes them fun places and cooks for them.

(I’m using the term “cook” lightly. Even he would agree to that.)

The only thing that really suffers with me being gone so much is the housework, but our family is never left suffering.

Every morning when I’m gone he gets Addie off to school, Vivi off to daycare and himself to work full time as an attorney. He also fits in time to train for his upcoming marathon and write regularly for Babble. This week he even managed to clean out the garage, which whoa.

Writing all that out makes me feel terribly unaccomplished.

When I think back to the two weeks leading up to the moment I decided I wanted to (and was going to) marry him I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking. Getting married at 19 is risky, getting married so quickly is risky no matter how old you are. Who’s to say that this guy I decided to shack up with for eternity was even going to amount to much of anything? He was a so-so student working at Radio Shack who maybe someday might want to try going to law school.

Cody and Casey in a Photo Booth

Let’s not even talk about my potential as a good wife. At least Cody had hopes and dreams. I only had a couple of tattoos, a drinking problem and some cats. (Cody would tell you I also had a nice rack.)

I could never do what I do, nor would I even be alive today if it weren’t for Cody. His love and support has been everything, everything I never even knew I needed when I fell in love with his blue eyes and strong arms almost 13 years ago.

There’s times when I get thinking about how good I have it in the spouse department, then I start thinking how much better I have it then he does. Then I don’t care because he’s stuck with me, sometimes I’m probably worth all the work, I gave him some pretty cute kids and every relationship involves a little give and take. A little reaching and settling.

Sometimes I feel like I’m doing all the taking.

Maybe if he weren’t so generous with the giving.

He’s a treasure, you’d never know it if you met him. He’s so quiet and unassuming. So it’s my job to tell you. To tell his parents they did something right and tell my parents they don’t have to worry about me because Cody’s got it.

Yeesh. I love him.

babywearing cody

(And in case you’re new here, it hasn’t always been that way. In fact there was a time we were thisclose to getting a divorce. If someone’s worth fighting for, fight.)

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a dozen years of marriage.

I keep trying to think up some neat and tidy list to sum up the 12 most important events of the last 12 years.

The problem is I’m having a hard time putting words to them.

Last night as we pulled up to the Ritz Carlton and Cody scoffed at valet parking and veered off towards self parking. As he pulled into the garage he noticed that self parking was $22. “TWENTY-TWO BUCKS?” I could see his entire thought process, “Maybe there’s a free lot two or three blocks away. $22 bucks. What a racket.” Twelve years ago it would have turned into a fight. Fancy Casey wanting her fancy valet and cheap Cody wanting to park four blocks away for free —$22 self parking was a product of 12 years of learning to silently compromise.

cody and me

Last night at dinner (another silent compromise, I wanted the swanky place, Cody wanted piles of barbequed meat which means we had Italian) we watched a couple on their first date. The guy didn’t wash his hands after using the washroom — strike one, but we couldn’t tell her that. Then Cody said something kind of profound that he learned from Netflix about married couples at dinner. A pessimist would look at them and think “They’ve been together so long they’re absolutely bored with each other and are having a miserable time.” while an optimist would see two people who know each other so well that words don’t even need to be used to have a conversation.

Last night I learned Cody is a marriage optimist.

Turns out I am too, but I sometimes moonlight as a pessimist.

I just like being around him. I like having him in the same room or next to me even if we aren’t doing much of anything. He makes things better. He makes things comfier. He’s the one familiar thing in my life even when everything around me is spinning out of control.

Marriage seems to be treated like a gym membership by some people these days, you make this huge commitment and rearrange your life for it. In the beginning you’re pumped and excited for it — but when it gets boring, people just kind of stop showing up. “Eh, I tried. It’s not for me.”

Marriage gets boring. Marriage gets monotonous and infuriating and hard.

But it also gets really good. Like the kind of good you can’t even fathom in the early weeks and months of young twitterpated love. I could try and tell you how good it gets but until you’re there, in that silent conversation about $22 self parking, you can’t really know.

All I can really tell you is it’s worth it, but only if your person treasures you as much as you treasure them.

Here’s to marriage optimism.

Here’s to silent conversations and quoting Si Robertson in the spoken ones.

Here’s to us, and here’s to an eternity more.

fondue pot.

(And to Cody as a dad, because Father’s Day.)

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