Over on Babble: It’s the start of a New Year, time to look back at some of the best bits of the old one, in little square photos from my phone.
Episode One.

Episode Two.

Perhaps you’ve heard it’s the worst flu season in a long time? YAY 2013, way to kick things of right (wrong.)

As a seasoned vomit expert, I’ve compiled 10 things all parents should know/do/be prepared for in case the barfs come to your house. While it may not make it any less gross, it will make it a lot easier to clean up (you’re welcome.)

Meet Joe Horrigan,vice president of communications and exhibits at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Joe is considered one of pro football’s foremost historians and has worked for the Hall of Fame for over 35 years, 19 of which he was a curator and researcher for the museum. Joe is also a loyal Bills fan.

Meet Scott Sillcox, previous president and owner of Toronto-based Maple Leaf Productions where “over a period of almost 15 years, Sillcox spent many thousands of hours researching the history and evolution of NFL uniforms. Sillcox, a meticulous record keeper, created research files for every single season of every NFL.” -Source Heritage Sports Art

Curious what half a century of Broncos uniforms looks like? Scott has compiled them all. From the terrible first version in yellow and brown to the much hated blue uniforms of the 90′s back to the current day orange uniforms worn every game this season. Heritage Sports Art has every uniform of every NFL team in one place in case you’re curious to see how your team’s uniforms have evolved.

What do these two fellows have in common? Tide and the NFL brought them together to make short videos about the evolution of every current NFL uniform. I’ve only watched the Broncos video, and to be honest I didn’t think I’d care a whole lot about it. Truth? It was kind of fascinating. Next thing I’m going to do is find out about those awful Steelers throwback uniforms. Sheesh. Those things were terrible.

Can’t see the video? Click here.

Two weeks ago when we packed up to leave for Utah, Cody’s orange jersey was still hanging in the laundry room. “Aren’t you going to bring that?” I asked

“It takes up an awful lot of room considering I’d only wear it twice.”

“If they lose it’s your fault. Are you ready to deal with that kind of guilt?”

You see, the Broncos hadn’t lost since Cody became jersey guy the week of his first ever NFL game in Cincinnati.

He brought his jersey to Utah and guess what? The Broncos now have home field advantage throughout the AFC playoffs.

The orange jersey I didn’t understand has become a bit of a talisman in our house. The orange jersey that cost an awful lot of money has come to symbolize Sunday afternoons. The orange jersey Cody searched high and low for may very well be with us through a Superbowl win. Thanks to a little two minute video from Tide? I now completely understand why the jersey had to be orange.

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Curious about the evolution of your team’s colors? Click here to see all the team videos available now.

Disclosure: Special thanks to Tide for sponsoring this post. I have been compensated for my time in promoting the NFL “They’re Not Just Colors” campaign, not for promoting a particular product. I’ve loved Tide (and the NFL) for a long time for free, always will.

My anxiety is not well managed AT ALL. Which leads to all sorts of fun things and by fun things I mean fear of doing anything.

When I think about how long it took to get my depression under control (11 years of constant effort, thank you) the thought of finding a way to control my anxiety leaves me kind of pissed off and grumpy. Thankfully my anxiety isn’t as debilitating as my depression, it’s just kind of obnoxious and annoying and ZOMG WHY CAN’T I JUST ENJOY STUFF ANYMORE? I used to love New York, how busy and loud it is. I loved walking through the streets hearing all the different sounds, smelling garlic one minute and sewer the next. I still love New York, but I kind of have to love her from afar. No Times Square, no Subways, no crowded streets…it’s all a little too much for me now.

Frosty

If you were to ask me to describe what anxiety is like for me I would tell you that it’s like sitting in a tiny glass bubble where you can see and hear everything going on but you can’t get away from it. It’s as though someone turned up every noise to the point it encompasses my entire brain, I can’t quiet it, I can’t escape it and I can’t even think because it’s so loud and RIGHT THERE. There’s also a sort of tunnel vision thing, stuff gets very dark and blurry around the edges. Maybe that sounds a little crazy, I can only assume it’s different for everyone, but for me it’s like I’m being surrounded by speakers I cannot control the volume on.

Once I make it out alive (I have every time so far! Go me!) I am drained. Like the kind of drained you would feel when your first boyfriend broke up with you but only after you swam the English Channel fully clothed. Mentally, physically, and emotionally DONE-ZO. Naps are really the only option. Naps and gentle reintroduction back into society.

I’ve been working on a way to control it, a lot of deep breathing and meditation. Thankfully I feel more powerful over anxiety than I do depression, perhaps because it’s such a new thing, or perhaps I’ve fought depression for so long my fighting muscles are really strong. Who knows. Regardless, I’m still annoyed by it but recognize it as a very real part of my existence that won’t go away simply because I want it to.

It’s also the reason I would rather go back to the Ohio countryside than New York City if you gave me the choice. (No offense New York, it’s not you, it’s me. I swear.)

Here we are 2013, you and me. I have to admit, I’ve been slightly pessimistic about you, being superstitious and all. But just maybe you could be even better than 2012 (which I doubt, but then again I said things couldn’t get better after 2010 so maybe I should just quit saying BEST YEAR EVER because things do indeed keep getting better.) Like Amy said, maybe there really is only one shoe.

Oh powder. I miss you.

Saying someone can’t be sad because someone may have it worse is just like saying someone can’t be happy because someone else might have it better.

It’s Christmas Eve and there are a lot of sad people out there. There is one in particular, I hope you’re okay.

I am so happy to be home for Christmas.

It snowed today, just enough to cover everything but not enough to really mess stuff up. It’s truly lovely.

Little Red.

My sister got us tickets to see The Nutcracker, even better? We got to go backstage afterwards. I held The Nutcracker and hugged the Sugarplum Fairy, which basically means the eight year old in me was able to live out a giant gingerbread scented dream.

And then my sister and I held THE Nutcracker with THE Sugar Plum Fairy. #BalletWest

I found myself thinking “Don’t enjoy yourself too much, not everyone is having this much fun on Christmas.”

Not everyone is going to wake up in a warm house with their family tomorrow morning.

I could easily continue thinking about what I have that others don’t and bum myself right out before I even go to bed, worrying about people I don’t know and people I can’t help.

But that’s what I do, I worry about people. I wonder if I could be helping someone more, if I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, if I’m fulfilling my part. The good part is that I feel like I am. I’ve tried to help the people I can help. I could do more, we could all do more. But I’m doing something, that’s what matters.

As we drove to our traditional Christmas Eve dinner tonight I tossed Cody out on a street corner to help a woman in a wheelchair who was stuck in a snowbank. Rather than simply helping her across the street he pushed her five blocks back to her home.

And then I shoved Cody out of the car to help someone stranded in a wheelchair. He's pushed her five blocks.

Have you heard about 26 Acts of Kindness? I hate the idea of keeping count, but I understand that’s how some people work. It really only takes one random act of kindness to convert you to the idea of going out of your way to help someone else. Pay it forward. Do unto others.

Kindness is a magnificent trait to posses. “Promote what you love rather than bashing what you hate.”

I love the ballet, I love Christmas, I love my family, I love sleeping babies, I love warm cookies, I love falling asleep in Cody’s arms, I love Sting’s ‘I Saw Three Ships’, I love when I feel like I’m helping people, I love laughing so hard I stop breathing, I love cats, I love twinkling lights, I love Disney movies, I love blue skies, I love donuts with sprinkles, I love hot chocolate with whipped cream, I love naps, I love hugging people, I love being so overwhelmed with happiness I can do nothing but cry, I love really nice headphones, and really comfortable pajamas.

Exhausted.

No filter because no need.

Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus reflect.

Shadow of a swinger.

There are so many wonderful tiny little things around us everyday. “The happiest people do not have the best of everything, they make the best of everything they have.

My little family, the very best part of being me.

Those people up there? They’re the very best part of being me.

Merry Christmas. xo

As the calendar changed over from 2011 to 2012 Vivi was nothing more than a chubby lump of baby who could really only sit there and be cute.

jammie vivi.

Addie was a freshly minted seven year old who still had most of her baby teeth in place.

Addie

As the calendar gets ready to change over from 2012 to 2013 Vivi is now a full blown toddler who can walk, run, dance, talk and cause 18 different kinds of trouble.

This one is more about Cody being a giant sucker for that little face.

Addie is now 8 with a mouth full of grown up teeth, a face full of freckles and more than half of her body is taken up by long and nimble legs.

Addie models the latest Tea Collection (collection) for back to school.

It’s hard to believe that when I started my blog back in 2006 Addie was the same age Vivi is now.

best curl day ever.

I was pretty sure 2010 was the best year ever. Then 2011 happened and I figured life couldn’t get much better until 2012 came around and really showed me what a good year is. I honestly can’t see things getting much better than they are now, then again I said that in 2010. Half of my heart is scared, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for that phone call that will change everything. Waiting for something, although I don’t know what. The other half of my heart makes sure that I am present in these moments of  blessed abundance. When I look back at 2012 I don’t see things or places, I see moments and milestones. Many take place in different parts of the country, some even in different parts of the world, but they all have one thing in common, my family.

This is the first year I have ever made it from beginning to end without a major depressive episode, for me that is HUGE. I could talk about all the opportunities and places I’ve been this year but what is most important is that I was present and able to enjoy each and every one of them. I still haven’t turned on the news or read anything about last Friday, there are reasons why I don’t watch the news and I wish more people realized what sensationalized media can do to our hearts and minds. Cody explained it all to me in a way I could handle and told me I was most likely away from all forms of technology last week for a reason.

2013 is going to be about amplifying the simple and good things anyone can do to help someone else. I want my girls to witness so much kindness and gratitude that they grow up convinced it is the only way to behave. I can’t keep them safe forever, but I can always give them a safe place to come home to.  Thank you 2012, you were good to me, I promise to show 2013 the same kindness in return.

playing piano.

babywearing cody

family-6616

Addie and Tayden

a little waffle between friends

..

And then I became Hallmark's (Dancing) Mascot

playing in the rain

my ladies and me

I was crying. In case you were wondering what was wrong with me.

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I’m so grateful to partner with Hallmark in 2012 on their “Life is a Special Occasion” campaign again and I thank them tremendously for their patience with me, supporting me in all that I do and for sponsoring this post. Life with my family is the most special occasion of all.

You fell asleep with an enormous smile on your face last night.

Your tiny, perfect eight year old face.

I on the other hand fell asleep with tears running down my cheeks from the enormity of the day. Terrible awful things happened in the world yesterday which added such a bittersweet note to such a perfectly magical day in the world you and I had been totally immersed in for the past seven days.

I know I said that other days were the best days ever, but yesterday. Yesterday was the best day ever.

I can’t even put into words what this week was like for me as your mom. Weeks like this don’t exist in real life, they only exist in movies, TV shows and Disney Cruise Ships apparently.

I spent the entire week floating above my body wondering when I was going to wake up. I kept waiting for you to lose your cool and become a terribly overstimulated, demanding, greedy and exhausted child but it never happened.

If anything I watched your heart grow this week from being surrounded by overwhelming magic and some of the happiest, most caring people I have ever come across. You may never remember the hug you gave me last night after dinner, but for me it was the best moment of my entire eight year parenting career.

This Disney magic, it’s no joke.

Tuesday night we watched fireworks launched from a boat in the middle of the ocean.

Wednesday night it snowed in the middle of a theater on a cruise ship.

Last night the most magnificent cake was presented to you as dozens of people who were complete strangers one week ago sang you into your eight year.

Confetti was tossed every day, I cannot stress how much I support liberal confetti tossing.

We laid in bed every night watching bits and pieces of different Disney movies, you even stopped making fun of me when I cried at the end of every single one.

You voluntarily took a nap yesterday, a two hour nap.

I will never, ever be able to outdo your 8th birthday. Ever.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t stop trying.

You are spectacular. I don’t know what I did to deserve the honor and privilege of being your mom, but I’m so glad I did it. Everyday with you is an adventure. Your heart only knows how to love and it loves fiercely, I’m fortunate to be at the receiving end of so much of it.

Keeping this forever and a day. #DisneyMagic #HardEarned

Nothing about that ship was ordinary, and I have to believe that with every trip it absorbs just a little more love, happiness and magic from those who are on it. You and me kid, we left our mark on that ship. It gave us confetti and fireworks and we gave it hugs, magic, happy tears and your infectious giggle back.

I worked so hard to get to this point, both as your mom and as a human. This week was my reward for all of it. It was worth every tear, every frustration and every heartache to have your arms wrapped around my neck last night.

I love you baby.

Happy Birthday.

Love, Mama.

(Thank you for capturing these moments Andrea, when I was too busy sobbing.)

seven.

six.

five.

four.

three.

 

For the past three nights, Addie and I have piled in my bed to watch old Disney cartoons with a tray of milk and cookies set out in front of us. Last night she only ate half a cookie because she deemed them “TOO BIG!” so I finished off mine and the other half of hers as well.

I am on vacation after all.

Once her teeth were brushed and prayers were said, I tucked her in with a kiss and and a squeeze. Before I had even finished brushing my own teeth I could hear her little snores from the other side of the room.

This child of mine, I am so in love with every inch of her. Her inability to mask any emotion, her perfect curls, her sprinkle of freckles and the wonder that is so very much alive in her.

THE FACE ON THE LEFT. That is all. #DisneyMagic

Yesterday was another one of those days that will go down as one of the best in our entire lives. I witnessed her branch out and try new and scary things, like swim in the open ocean and dance alone in a giant crowd of people. There have been times when she has wanted to be alone, and I let her. But she always comes back, slides her little hand in mine and says “I love you mama.”

Andrea and Addie have adopted each other as sisters. #DisneyMagic @azimm1200 @azimm

I once heard that “Life should be a series of daring adventures launched from a secure base.” When I see her break away from me and try something new, I realize that my time as her most favorite person is limited. I take comfort knowing she has the confidence to be out on her own, but chooses to come back with me when she needs to feel safe and secure.

As I learn more and more about the person she is becoming, I am learning to let her lead more often. That our relationship is less about me making little decisions for her, but rather me supporting the everyday choices she makes for herself. Only once have I forced her into something, and that something was the Caribbean Sea to pet a stingray, the experience ended with a chokehold of terror around my throat, but I don’t regret pushing her one little bit.

In the last three days she has hunted for fairies, dressed up as a pirate, waved at princesses, marched with toy soldiers, hugged Santa, swam with stingrays, saw fireworks, met an alien, won a gameshow, danced under the stars, and for a few moments forgot that reality even existed, completely immersed in magic.

Addie and I won a pirate game show last night! #DisneyMagic

It’s easy to forget there’s snowstorms and cold weather when you’re swimming in 82 degree water under a 90 degree sun with one of your most treasured people in the world. My heart and brain are stronger than they have ever been recently, and these past few days of enchantment have shored them up and strengthened them forever, for this there will never be enough words of gratitude.

We have a few different ideas when it comes to what makes for a good vacation in this family.

Cody: “LET’S DRIVE SOUTH AND TOUR HISTORICAL CIVIL WAR SIGHTS!”

Addie and Me: zzzzzzz…..

Addie: “LET’S GO BACK TO HO-HI-OH AND YOU CAN ALL WATCH ME ZIPLINE FOR HOURS!

Vivi: Graaargggpppffbbththttt!

Me: “SAN FRANCISCO! PIER 39! EXPLORATORIUM! HAIGHT ASHBURY!”

Cody: “Who’s going to hold the baby on the 5 hour flight?”

Me: “Touché.”

Vivi: “BYE! BYYYEEEE!!!”

Cody: “LET’S GO BACK TO NEW YORK AND EAT PIZZA!”

Me: “PHILLY! CHEESESTEAKS!”

Addie: “UTAH! McDONALDS!”

Vivi: “CHEEEEEEESEEEEEE!”

Guess what? Deciding on family vacations around these parts is a little…tricky.

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