Dear tiny gramma,

the moosh is just like me. Go ahead and gloat.

Need examples?

Well first there was the “I want a new mom.” debacle of May 2009. Apparently asking her to get dressed was not in the mother/daughter manifesto leaving her to fire me only to rehire me after she realized she couldn’t pick her new mom up at the airport without the aid of her old mom.

So apparently I get to stay the mom by circumstance.

Which is to say as soon as she can make eyes at some boy who can drive her to the airport where they keep the new moms who don’t ask their kids to get dressed? I’m out of a job.

She also fired Cody the other night because she didn’t get any mail. But that’s beside the point, because Cody is ruining my child and when I say Cody is ruining my child I mean that the bar is ruining my Cody which in turn is ruining my child.

He leaves early and stays late to study. the moosh claims she cannot fall asleep without a hug from her dad (tender right? IT’S ALL A PLOY, I’m onto her little game) which in turn leaves her hysterically sobbing into the phone to Cody while she squeaks out,

DaaDaadddy…I…*hiccup*…miii*hiccup*sssss…*gasp*…yooouuu. sob.

Last night I had the brilliant! idea of giving her a picture of Cody to hold while she fell asleep.

But the only one I could find was a leftover engagement picture.

From 2000.

Nothing really says “go to sleep little darling” like a picture of your parents when they were 18 and 21.

I gave her the picture anyway since we still do resemble our previous selves (uh, enough.)

“MOM! CUT YOU OUT OF THIS PICTURE! I ONLY WANT DADDY!”

ouch.

“You can deal with looking at me, I’m not cutting it up. Good night, go to sleep, I love you, no bedbugs and all that jazz.”

This morning?

ouch

Yeah. There you have it. My existence in my daughters world can be negated with a well placed Barbie sticker.

Enjoy the quiet satisfaction that she is only four and is already stabbing tiny hot pokers of teenage angst into my weary heart.

xoxo-

Your youngest and most favorite daughter that could have never possibly caused you this much heartache and grief,

Casey

Comments

  1. @rachel-asouthernfairytale, Just as soon as I get this knife out of my back.

  2. @Jen, What is this sanity you speak of?

    Jen Reply:

    @Casey,

    Hard to believe but at one point in time I did have a least a shred of it…it is GONE now…just gone

  3. @Marnie, I’m sick to my stomach. Blergh. Make it stop!

  4. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has kids who do that. Only my 3 year old says he wants a whole new family. Heartbreaking. Twerp.

  5. My mother tells me she can’t wait til I have a child just like me! I’m 30, still no kid, but she will relish the day when it happens. I just pray that Mom is wrong and I have the bestest child ever. It doesn’t ever happen that way? Does it? LOL

  6. Hey, occasionally I get it from my 9-month-old daughter. NINE MONTHS! She always chooses her dad over me and, I swear, pulls the “Teenage ‘tude” face is she doesn’t get her father.

    Love the SLC temple engagement pic. And love that little Moosh!

  7. Candace says:

    @Casey, No secret about it!!! Although I LOVE my little girl to pieces (most of the time….depending on the day)…..

  8. yeeeeeeeeeeeeapp. I am NOT looking forward to any of that happening at my house.

    If I don’t believe in karma/what-goes-around-comes-around, it can’t affect me, right?

  9. I’m trying really really really hard not to laugh…and failing miserably

    i can only imagine what her children with Jake will be like…we should probably run for the hills RIGHT NOW

  10. I’m sorry for laughing so hard at this. Really. Just sorry. Truly. Change the names to Jessie and Joan and that very same scenario occurred here about 8 years ago.

  11. @Casey, I would except that I’m pretty sure I came out of the womb spewing angsty, emo teenage girl drama at my parents. Heard around my house since I was wee? “One day…one day you will get one just like you…”

  12. And now you don’t resemble your younger (plastic, Barbie looking) self at all.

  13. I don’t think I’m doing my job right unless I hear at least one “I wish you weren’t my mom” per day.

  14. Mine is already choosing Daddy at 10 months. He walks in the door and she’s squealing in joy. *sigh* I’m so screwed as she gets older!

  15. @Casey, Iz kissin every mama’s butt!

  16. I have been giggling over this all morning (didn’t have time to comment at first) and had to come back and tell you. This is SO going to be me in a few years… we have a true Daddy’s Girl in our house already, and she routinely pushes me aside in favor of him.

    I cannot believe the sticker… oh, I am still laughing, but it’s in commiseration, mind you. A commiserating giggle.

  17. Oh the things we girls put our mamas through!
    The bar is almost over – hang in there.

  18. That has never happened to me exactly. But I am in the same boat as you with many other examples of small female drama. Yes, I am just as screwed. And my mom? Laughs when she witnesses these little dramatisodes. “Payback,” she says. I feel for you Casey. But giggled a little too.

  19. I don’t know why my comment showed up twice. 🙁

  20. This post makes me so deliriously happy that I had a boy. Is that awful?

  21. LOL oh my. I shouldn’t laugh but… wow. Good thing she’s adorable.

  22. It’s the evil four. Serious. Mine called my freaking mother on the phone two days ago to tell on me.

  23. “I hope you have a kid that is exactly like you.” That is what my mom always threatened me with when I was younger. Lol, it’s proving true so far for me too!

  24. Well and at least she will take really awesome photos too!

  25. “Waaaaaahhhhhh I’m tired of this! When is it OVER?” she said when my husband at this point in studying for the bar. Oh, wait, we had no children at that time. IT WAS ME!

  26. Okay, that’s sort of heartbreaking! And creative. You have to give her creative. This is why I’m glad I have a video of Gabe’s birth. When he’s older and does something like this, I intend to exact my retribution. It’s one thing to go on endlessly about his ungratefulness for all I’ve done for him. It’s another thing to show him. (And I’m totally just kidding – I’ll never show him. But it does make me laugh to think about how I’ll be able to torment him when he’s being a disgruntled teenager.)

  27. This is EXACTLY why I’m praying daily for a boy. Because the payback for the way I was as a teenager? The thought of it makes me want to crawl into a hole now.

  28. NO WAY!
    I would have loved to have a Mama like you. She is your little sidekick! *pout*
    She is so cute it’s sickening. 🙂

  29. Ah yes. We are in the middle of a daddy only phase around here. Only daddy is allowed to lay by her in her bed. I can sit by it but not lay down.

  30. It could be worse- she could’ve cut you out of the picture altogether. I mean, at least this is mendable…ish. And she did use girly stickers, so that’s a win.

    Overflowing Brain Reply:

    @Overflowing Brain,

    I think that came out wrong. I mean, of course it could be worse. But, in the realm of small child shunning this one is amusing and must be retold at family functions into the future.

  31. My four year old regularly fires me over some issue of unfairness.
    He got pissed last night when hubby and I were sitting on the couch holding hands after we put him to bed. He snuck out of his room and caught us on the couch. (you’da thought he was my mom catching us sucking face the way he reacted)

    “No fair! Mommy loves YOU more than ME! She’s holding YOUR hand instead of cuddling ME in the bedroom. I don’t like EITHER of you anymore!” (stomp stomp stomp slam)

    And then there was the day I told him to put his dirty clothes in the hamper…
    “You’re not my mommy anymore, I’m getting a new one.”

    Me: Mkay Baby u go right ahead and see if you can find someone else who will love you half as much as I do, because who else but the woman who went through 36 hours of unmedicated back labor and endured an emergency c-section to rbing you into this world would put up with this drama?”

    Him: You win Mommy, I’ll keep you.

  32. I think everything skips a generation – so Moosh’s daughter will worship & adore her mom & fight w/her dad, while Moosh stands there wondering why daddy’s little girl is putting stickers over HIS face. Grandma Casey will be giggling behind her hand!

  33. holy ****, this is the funniest thing i’ve read in a long time. i mean, i don’t MEAN to laugh but i can’t help it.

  34. All of this reminds me of a few months ago when I was snuggling with Alexandra in her rocking chair. I was telling her a story with my cheek against her head and she was patting my back. The I heard the words EVERY mommy wants to hear at such a precious moment “Awwwwwwwwwwww Jody” Jody is the daycare provider. The blade of the knife is still deep.

  35. I just gasped audibly, and then cried a little after a silent, shaking laughter.

    Hilarious post!

    My co-workers thank you for giving them something to gossip about this AM–the crazy mom who is laughing at her computer again.

  36. So far I haven’t been fired by either one of my kids, but the 4yo regularly tells me that I just need to stop talking when I have driven him sufficiently crazy by trying to get something through his thick skull. And that’s always charming.

  37. I have had the same drama from my 4 yr old son wanting his mom to give him another hug before bed. One day the usual 30 min getting ready for bed routine took 2 HOURS! Of course my patience wore thin and he was with his mom saying ” I don’t want dada anymore!” That definitely stung and I let his mom handle from there on so I can sit and reflect. Ouch! I love your blog! Your family is beautiful!

  38. This is SO effing hilarious, I am STILL laughing out loud. DOOD I can’t believe she did it…oh wait, she is your baby…so I can. Sounds EXACTLY like something Memms would do. I heart you. Can you cut you out and send me just YOU? Loves.

  39. Tiny Gramma says:

    I have it on good authority that when I was about five, I told my grandmother that “I wish I had a decent mother”. But in my case, I think you can understand where I was coming from. I think you are aware that there are many years between four and twenty-four. They will pass and miracles do happen. Just look at you. Mwah. I love you madly.

  40. You poor thing. You and my husband should get together and swap war stories. My son is this way – but with mommy as the hero and daddy as the villain.

  41. Dude, I am NOT looking forward to when they start doing that kind of stuff to me- bec they will. Its a matter of when.

  42. Ouch, indeed. My heart would be broken, too. They grow out of this, right? I hope?

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