This is my friend Heather (Hedder.)
oh hai. we massaged.
About a year ago I put Hedder through a DTI interview. (Determine the relationship interview.(And no, I’m not kidding.)) I don’t throw around the term Best Friend loosely and I certainly don’t want to be handing it out to people who are only mutually lukewarm to my existence. After Hedder passed the DTI, she was promoted into the ranks with Kim.
And then Heather and Kim met, and we took pictures.
My favorite photo from my trip.
This photo is one of the single best moments of my life.
Many of you know that Kim’s world was torn apart last year by an adoption scam, a terrible miscarriage that nearly resulted in her death, a difficult foster situation and yet another flaming pile of adoption crap. (All of this happened within the span of 6 months.)
Most of you should already know that Heather’s world was torn apart less than 36 hours ago when her only daughter (who just happens to be the cutest daughter of anyone, including me) passed away at 17 months from complications with an everyday sick bug and her tiny frail premature body. Despite the fact that her body was tiny and frail it was big enough to contain the biggest, sweetest spirit of any child I’ve met.
the moosh and the moo became fast friends over their mutual love of cream puffs, little white dogs, giggles and all things sugar.
the moosh and the birthday girl
I’ve watched Kim over the last year recover from her immense loss and pain. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. I know the Heather that pole danced and sang “I want you to want me” in Nashville is broken right now. Part of her heart, if not her whole heart, left when Maddie left this life. I know that the Heather that talks in her sleep(A LOT. It’s like sleeping to the evening news broadcast.) isn’t sleeping so well. I know that the Heather who abhorres the bottoms of peoples feet will never be the same.
But I know the Heather I’ve grown to fall in love with is still in there. I know that over time that Heather will be back. Changed, but no less lovable.
shash, spohr, moosh.
I love you Hedder Spohr like mold.
So many people do.
I wish this wasn’t you. I wish the only dramatic change in your life was a spike in your Master Card interest rate. (Master Card? Suck it.) But I know you know that I know you know that I know where Maddie is, and that you’ll see her again. For eternity. With no hospitals, no RSV, no oxygen rockets, no breathing treatments (and maybe no code browns, that would be nice right?)
And I’ll be right here the whole time. From a distance, in your face, online and in person.
my dearest daughter
Yesterday in my mad dash to fly across the country in less than 24 hours I left my computer screen open and the moosh saw this photo.

LOOK! It’s Maddie smiling because she’s so happy to be up in heaven with Jesus.

Yes. She is.


No one should ever have to bear the burden of losing a child, let alone paying for a child’s funeral services. A paypal account is set up for the Spohr family, donations greatly appreciated. formaddie (at) hotmomreviews (dot) com.

A P.O. Box has also been set up for cards, notes, letters, gift certificates, puppies, packages and massive amounts of Canadian Smarties. (So maybe no puppies.)

Mike & Heather Spohr
11870 Santa Monica Blvd. #106-514
West Los Angeles, CA 90025


  1. Well said, Casey. You are a good friend.

    always home and uncools last blog post..Milestones

  2. Casey you are such a good friend and so kind..

    I know that’s kind of mushy and I’d love to say I’m sorry. But honestly I don’t know quite what to say…

    It’s just….not. fair!

    kristins last blog post..A Few Of MY Hallmark Pics

  3. Really beautiful post!
    Such a touching tribute to Heather, Maddie, and friendship.
    Goodness knows friends & family are the best way to get through pain.
    I haven’t met The Spohrs, but since my sister did, I feel a lot of pain for them.
    Very glad you’re going to be with them!

  4. I am crying again.

  5. Linda in Canada says:

    Casey…thankyou for sharing with us in this beautiful post. I am uplifted by your portrayal of true friendship. That is what friends are for…to lean on one another when needed. I feel like I know Heather and Mike and Maddie through Heather’s blog. They are blessed to have such a choice little spirit in their family. Families are forever.

  6. they are lucky to have you.
    my heart bleeds for them.
    but i am amazed at the bloggers. absolutely. unbelievable.

    melissas last blog post..Some Recipes From My Sick Bed To You. Minus the Snotty Kleenex. You’re Welcome.

  7. Casey,
    I love you.

    Through the tears and through the laughter, through the pain and the light and the dark and the silly.

    Anyone you let into your life is blessed. Heather is blessed to have you. We are all blessed to have you.

    Thank you from the periphery.

    rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..Oh Shell No

  8. ElissaK says:

    A beautiful tribute to a beautiful friend(s).

  9. there’s canadian smarties and wunderbards already on their way to miss heather.

    we should all be lucky enough to have bffs like you and heather.


    alis last blog post..…to see a man about some shoes

  10. I can’t stop thinking of what it was like for them to go home and face all of her things.

    Time stopped when she died.

    I know, too, that only time can start the clock again.

    mrs.chickens last blog post..The Garden Path

  11. Casey, focus on Heather. Everything is good here in Indy. The Moosh ate much pizza and decided she doesn’t like root bear. She does, however, love Lebanon Bologna, so you are going to have to buy some of it for her. In our house, all vomiting has ceased, husband has been forgiven, my potty mouth has been washed out. So, don’t spend energy worrying about us. Focus on your friend and remember I love you.

  12. what an amazing tribute to a mom whose life has changed forever. And moosh? I think she is *exactly* right. Out of the mouth of babes..

    Michelles last blog post..Monday in Kansas City

  13. i hope you are bringing some love from all of us to heather and mike. we embrace you all in warmth and peace in the days to come.

    mommymaes last blog post..hold me closer

  14. Lisa in TX says:

    I cried so hard when I found out. I’d been covertly watching Maddie’s progress, and it’s a blow to see such a sweet girl leave this life. Huge massive hugs go to Mike & Heather, and I pray that they will find peace and the love of God in their hearts.

  15. Bawling my eyes out. Oh how I miss Heather. Oh how I miss you. Oh how I miss the Maddie girl I never got to see. On Wednesday morning after a fitful night of sleep, I walked into Memms room and told her that Maddie had gone to live with Heavenly Father. She told me, “Yes mom, but we will see her again!” Yes we will!

    Please give Heather Spohr like Mold a big hug and kiss for me. I have tried to no avail to be able to attend to her at this time. I love you both. I admire her strength. Thank you for this post which has me bawling my eyes out. Love you…love Heather…love Maddie.

    Kimmies last blog post..Heartbroken.

  16. Casey, this is wonderful and you are such a fabulous friend. Heather is lucky to have you, especially at a time like this. I’m sure you will bring her some peace and maybe even some laughter over the next few days to help ease her pain.

    pgoodnesss last blog post..oof

  17. From someone who does not know Heather but follows her blog, thank you for your beautiful words about and for her. I have not been able to get her and this devastating tragedy off my mind since finding out about it. I am crushed for her.

    Susans last blog post..There are no words

  18. Moosh, I’m glad that Heather will have friends like you around her at this time.

  19. Please let Heather & Mike know we are praying for them. And when you get closer to your MOD walk in Indy, let us know. We’ll spread the word. It’s such a small gesture, but fitting to honor this amazing little girl.

  20. Angie B. says:

    Oh so sad for your friend and her husband. I could not imagine the pain, I know the good christian woman would say that all children belong to God. BUT, why not more time together. I’ll add this unknown couple to my prayers in hopes that they can cope with this horrible loss.

  21. are we crashing I can’t get it to load…

  22. Love the Moosh’s comment. It’s just wrong for a child to die. I can’t stand it. :o(

  23. The Moosh’s quote made me cry and smile…what a beautiful heart your baby girl has.

    prayers going up for the Sphors (but not the mold)

    Biddys last blog post..You CAN Find Love Online

  24. Beautifully written. I love the pictures. I have to say I was crying when I started reading but Moosh’s comment put me over the edge.


    Kats last blog post..haiku friday – ann is at it again

  25. Beautifully written. It made those of us who’ve never met Heather feel like we know her a little better.

    We are all open-mouthed, speechless, and torn apart by what happened to Maddie. I can only pray for peace for Heather and Mike.

    Megs last blog post..Challenge 4 AKA I’m a Camel

  26. I can’t remember if I commented on this or not. It’s been a week.

    I never had the pleasure of meeting Maddie, but her sweet face is forever imprinted in my mind. I find myself constantly amazed that she’s not at home with her parents right now. I just don’t know how it’s possible.

    Also, in Greek, Mou (pronounced moo) means mine. It seems so right that her nickname was Maddie Moo.

    Overflowing Brains last blog post..A Tragic Dose of Perspective

  27. Beautiful post. I had only visited Heather’s site a few times before this week, but I was heartbroken to learn about Maddie. I was away from my computer all weekend for a family emergency of my own, but I wore purple in her honor every single day. They are so lucky to have great friends like you.

    Jen L.s last blog post..Getting a new wheel

  28. Crying again. I’m so glad you’re there for her.

    threeundertwos last blog post..The Worst Easter Ever

  29. My heart is breaking for Heather. I lost my niece in 2001 (and my sister, Wendy, lost her daughter). Alexis was born 16 weeks premature, but she held on for 3 days. Wendy now has two beautiful children, Connor – 4, and Raelee – 9 months. But the loss of little Alexis has never left our hearts. Every year since 2001 we walk for the March of Dimes. I will be praying for your friend and her family during this most difficult time in her life.

    Melissas last blog post..Happy Easter!

  30. I just now had some extra time to sit down and get caught up on blogs that I haven’t been able to read lately and I read this. This was such a beautiful post.

    My heart goes out to the Spohr family.

  31. You are a wonderful friend. I knew I had more tears to shed for Maddie, Heather and Mike – you brought them springing from my eyes.

    This is a beautiful post – I will keep thinking of the whole Spohr family and keep wearing my purple.

    ExtraordinaryMommys last blog post..My, those stirrups look good on you!

  32. Girl!!!! SOOO beautiful! I JUST don’t want this to be happening!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Easter Candy


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