I’m home, my trip, as far as planes, trains and automobiles was completely and utterly uneventful. The rest of the trip…well…you’ll see. First I have to acknowledge those who made a stab at the trip that was today.

Biddy came close to describing our drive, but she said it would be at 10 mph. Silly Texans, we drive at least 30 as long as there is under a foot of snow.

Emily came really close with her “no one will make eye contact with you in hopes you’ll evaporate” comment. Nope, no one did make eye contact with me, and they leaned away from me and my moosh cooties for they entire flight. And she was spot on with the two meltdowns.

Lou didn’t really come close but deserves mention because what she described was what I was expecting. (Delays, whinyness topped of with a barf kicker.)

Reese simply said that “At least you’ll have something to blog about…”

SO TRUE.

See, no one mentioned in their comment that I would start my period as soon as the captain turned on the “fasten seat belt” sign on the first leg of our journey.

Of all bad times to start your period. This has got to be one of them.

No one mentioned the raunch pot in the food court that would push me and loudly proclaim “UM, YOU’RE BACKBACK? IS LIKE, IN MY FACE.” and that I would reply:

“This backpack? I’m sorry, you mean the one full of toys to keep my toddler entertained on the plane so PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO HAVE NO SOUL AND TRAVEL ALL BY YOUR MOTHERTHUMPING SELF DON’T HAVE TO GIVE ME DIRTY LOOKS IN FLIGHT?”

Well, that’s what I wanted to say…alas I did not, instead I apologized and tried not to cry into my quarter pounder. (All the while thinking “YOU ARE SO GETTING BLOGGED LADY.” Blog vindication saves yet another day.)

Wench. *ahem*

I made a post lunch potty stop to attend to the disaster that decided to make itself known five minutes after takeoff and was “changing the guards” Now ladies, think about the changing of your “guard”, you look down there right? You pay attention? Well, I was looking, paying attention, making sure I was doing a thorough job and there would be no disaster to blog about on my next (much longer) flight.

And then I looked up.

the moosh had opened the stall door,

to a waiting line of women,

all watching me change a tampon,

With food court wench at the helm.

I don’t even know what to say. How to finish this story.

.

.

.

.

.

Emily and Reese. You tie.

I’ll make you a blog header or I’ll send you chocolate chip cookies.

You pick.

I’m going to go hide my head in a hole for a few million dozen days.

What up 317? I’ll bet you’re so proud to have me back.

Comments

  1. holy crap.

    that is fantastically humiliating.

    at least you had just gotten, um, groomed..?..

  2. Ok, I would have SO thrown my daughter out of the plane, next flight! AAAUUGGHHH! Oh my freakin’ freak freak!! Poor Moosh’s mommy! At least you’re in the privacy of your own home now where you can hide as long as you want! Goodness!

    Glad you’re home safe and virtually unscathed!

  3. You win. That beats my pants peeing story.

    And if your backpack is in someone’s face? Why don’t they TAKE A STEP BACK??

    Suebob’s last blog post..The meat of the matter

  4. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    With you of course, never at you.

    Snicker.

    I’m gleefully rubbing my hands together over the blog fodder you are BOUND to provide me.

    Heh. Heh.

    And, um, glad you made it home safely.

    Heh. Heh.

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Letter to My Dog

  5. OH.MY.WORD. That is so utterly humiliating I can’t even imagine. I’m sorry! But I’m sure that doesn’t help.

    On another note. I am doing better. Your words helped.

    Krista’s last blog post..Internet Goodies

  6. I am so laughing right now. But not AT you. Nooooooo….

    Hee!

    Angella’s last blog post..Let It Snow!

  7. Oh! Oh! Can’t breathe! I’m so sorry! And yet it’s so funny!

    lou’s last blog post..Don’t Dis The Booger Blankie Hankie

  8. Oh holy hell that is AWFUL! I’m so sorry… but now you’re home and at least well you’re home right?

    Angela’s last blog post..I don’t get it…

  9. my husband is sound asleep next to me and i had to cover my mouth with my hands to hide my explosive laughter. i am laughing *with* you because I know, in time, you will find humor in this. Maybe. Like in 50 years. Okay, fine, never.

    How awful for you.

    Note to self: plan trips around period.

    crazedparent’s last blog post..Home Depot free kid’s workshops make a mama cry…

  10. oh. my. gawd.

    that is unbelievably funny. uh, i mean, how AWFUL for you!

    janet’s last blog post..Exercising my good judgment

  11. Hmmm…

    After giving it a lot of thought, I have come to the conclusion that there is no casserole big enough to make up for that.

    (How about I order you sushi and your own “Bianca” doll???)

    Loralee’s last blog post..Sideblog: I obviously don’t have enough love for the earth. Sigh…

  12. Oh my god. That’s one of the funniest/most horrifying things I have ever read.

    Jen’s last blog post..Hole in the Head Infection Bingo with Joanna Pacula

  13. I want to know what you did?

    That is my worst fear. Ever. Glad you made it home safe and sound.

    Kimmie’s last blog post..Love finding things like this.

  14. So funny!

    Hey, it could have been worse….I had a similar experience during the holidays…we were out shopping. My lovely-3yr. old didn’t open the door when I was “changing the guards”….instead he proclaimed….very loudly…..to a small bathroom FULL of women waiting……..

    “ewwwwwwwww mommy……..what is that?”

    yes, it was fun coming out after that….thank goodness, I was in a town I don’t live in.

    Doesn’t that make you feel better?

    Becky’s last blog post..uneventful weekend

  15. Why do the funniest things have to be the most embarrassing?

    I feel this guilty sense of needing to share my horrible period story to empathize. But I just can’t.

    Thanks for sharing yours.

  16. Oh my goodness…

    at least now you have something to share when someone asks you what was your most embarrasing moment?! – although you probably already have a pile of those.

    I think you deserve a day off – to yourself since well Cody got to fly all by himself!

  17. Wow! What a ride, huh?

    I linked your blog on mine, and you paid me a visit. I didn’t really call you funny… It was more like “hilarious” I admire your sense of humor, and your writing abilities. I want to be like you when I grow up!

    Caminante’s last blog post..Achachay!

  18. I have to say that I couldn’t laugh at you I was so horrified. I mean THAT has got to be THE WORST THING EVER. I’m pretty sure that I would have shut the door and just sat in there until I was sure that everyone of those women had peed and left. Then I would have sent the moosh to the gift shop for hair dye and I would have dyed my hair in the sink so no one recognized me. Then I would have slit my wrists, because even with my disguise I would still be humiliated.

    Karly’s last blog post..Conversations

  19. Oh wow. I don’t know what to say either, except, well, you’re home now. It’ll be okay, and who cares about a bunch of strangers? Stupid strangers.

    Nell’s last blog post..remembering, firsts, and growing up

  20. I’m so glad you are back in the land of my in-laws. It feels comforting to know that the next time the Moosh decides to open the door on you, it might just be my MIL standing there acting like a jerk. I can’t blog about her, but you sure can! Here’s to hoping for accidental run-ins with my crazy family!

  21. Oh my oh my oh my. That is just – so bad. Eek!

    Home safe and sound! That is good!

    Amy’s last blog post..A Relaxing Vacation, Indeed

  22. At least it wasn’t a line of men…

    moosh, the payback is going to be hell when your guard comes up I bet.

  23. yeah, i’d pretty much die right there on the spot…i sit in fear every single time i bring my child into a stall with me…

    ali’s last blog post..ugly bridesmaid dresses happen to good people

  24. bahahah is it wrong that I am laughing this hard at your expense? After that the rest of the trip would have to be uneventful!

    Clink’s last blog post..A rare and different tune.

  25. well *cough* at least you are home safely…

    You poor thing.

    staciesmadness’s last blog post..TORNADO-the good, the bad, the ugly.

  26. I can’t even laugh because I’m too mortified imagining myself in a similar situation. Who would humiliate us if it weren’t for our darling children?

    andi’s last blog post..Mothers unite to defeat HOB

  27. OMG…I alternate between snickering and shuddering in horror. Snickering because really, it sounds like something that would happen on a sitcom. Shuddering because, omgthatreallyhappenedinreallifehowhorrible!

    I have to say that tops the time my 3 year old son announced, loudly, to a cell phone store FULL of people (including an off duty cop doing his stint as a security guard) “MY MAMA ISN’T WEARING PANTIES!”

    There was a perfectly good reason.

    Indygirl’s last blog post..Change your thoughts, change your life

  28. Just one more thing men never have to worry about. And one more thing to add to my list of reasons of why I hate to fly. This could happen.

    Micki’s last blog post..It’s not over until . . .

  29. No, no, no. The WORST thing would be if you were in the kind of single-stall bathroom situation where Moosh opened the door to a mixed-gender audience–like at a park or something. So consider yourself lucky, there, girlie. ;P
    Glad your travels were otherwise fairly quick. I returned from my brief trip west yesterday too and it was less than lovely. I was THRILLED to not have a child with me.

  30. Wow. Just, wow. I can’t even wrap my mind around that. That sucks.

    Good thing that kid is cute, huh.

    Anth’s last blog post..Dh’s Full of It

  31. dangitt! i soooo almost threw in the starting your period! crap…

    i need a new header 🙁

    perhaps i should hold your christmas present, wallpaper and pillow hostage?

    Biddy’s last blog post..hodge podge

  32. I don’t even know what to say…I can’t even laugh, I’m horrified. That woman at the food court would have made me lose my **** and I would have had to “accidently” smack her with my bag and say “Goodness, you are very close, aren’t you?” I’ve actually used that one, because I get all panic-y if someone is standing too close to me in line. It works.

    Bri’s last blog post..Danger Will Robinson! Daaaaanger!!!!

  33. I think you deserve someone to make cookies for you.

    She Likes Purple’s last blog post..Head cold from hell

  34. Oh the horror!! I can’t even laugh at that, I would be mortified.

  35. Oh my. Um. Oh. My. Word.

    Blog vindication is fabulous. Honestly, in my twisted sense of perception ways, it would be far more embarassing to be the person outside the stall watching, than the person inside the stall. But that’s just me.
    🙂 Glad y’all are home safely.

    rachel’s last blog post..Chocolate, Cheetos and Cheesy Pleas

  36. I’m flying alone with Babboo tomorrow (to Utah…we JUST missed each other).

    Wish me luck!

    AHHH!

    Isabel’s last blog post..They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike

  37. Okay, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Which I needed.

    Brie’s last blog post..Overwhelmed

  38. Wow, I was moaning around about my recent travel experiences. I will now stop complaning…in honor of you.

    Jill’s last blog post..What I want to be when I grow up

  39. so it wasn’t so bad? HA! Glad I won the contest because I love to win, sorry I won the contest, people are just so rude. By the way, how did you know I needed a blog header? Is it that obvious?

    I was just talking with my husband about flying to Boston in a few weeks with my girls….what was I thinking?….no way.

    Well, glad your back. Is Indy just as ordinary and boring as when you left it?…

    emily’s last blog post..success….

  40. I’m not sure if I’m laughing at you or with you but I’m defiantly laughing! pahahaha!

  41. Oh no. I seriously hope I didn’t curse you. No cookies necessary, I’m not proud!

    Reese’s last blog post..Gourmet

  42. in fact, I feel so guilty maybe I should send YOU cookies!

    Reese’s last blog post..Gourmet

  43. p.s. what’s up with that ginormous gap at the top of your bloggy?

    Biddy’s last blog post..President Bush’s Resignation Speech

  44. Oh my gosh. Moosh didn’t do that!! Oh, I’d be a combination of mortified and hysterical with laughter. Oh, I hope you remind her of this in the future.

    On another note. I just go that Cargo foundation and I LOVE it!! It doesn’t even feel like anything is on my face. 🙂

    Smiling Mom’s last blog post..Psst.

  45. Oh, My God….I would have died! Just glad you are back, safe and sound though….poor thing!

    Dixiechick’s last blog post..Dixie wants to play…so, I am having a little ol’ contest!!!

  46. Good. Got.

    I’m at a loss for words.

    Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Super Target Stud

  47. I just don’t know what to say. At least it happened to someone WITH A BLOG.

    THANK GOD.

    Anna’s last blog post..It’s a win for Hillary, plus Wednesday Book Nook

  48. You so you have given it to wench lady…I mean, what’s up with her not moving her big old face? If you face is that big then she should have moved on back.

    As for the tampon thing…yikes, looks like you had some splaining to do : )

  49. Aggghhhhh!!! HORRIFYING!!!

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