Meet Hooves.
Meet Hooves.

Hooves joined our family via gift card about eight years ago. He’s cleaned every room of every apartment Cody and I have lived in since we got married. It’s travelled across the entire country and was even detailed by a circa 1960’s Electrolux and entire box of Swiffer dusting cloths during my pregnant nesting phase of 2004. It has vacuumed up cat hair, birthday confetti, needles from Christmas trees past and the smashed cracker debacle of 2006.

Hooves is tired.

Hooves is getting a little lazy at keeping it all in.

For example, when someone starts Hooves (which let’s face it, you all know it’s me) they must keep one hand pressed firmly on the top of Hooves’ canister lid. Otherwise the canister lid burps open upon starting spewing carpet roadkill all over himself and the floor you had every intention of vacuuming in the first place. The Swiffer cloths don’t even want to help Hooves anymore.
Hooves the Vacuum. 
RIP Hooves.

Hooves lights went out years ago, but he still pushed on. Even when the moosh thought it would be amazing to cut the tassels off her bike handlebars into tiny little pieces and throw them like CONFETTI! all over EVERY! surface of the upstairs, Hooves stood strong.

Love ya’ Hooves.

But I can’t ignore that Hooves smells like a burnt mouse every time I turn him on. I also can’t ignore that he’s getting a little sloppy when it comes to cleaning around the edges. And Hooves’ “accessory tube?”  Not enough vacuum viagra in the world to get that thing going again.

I have an emotional attachment to someone that sucks, well, technically he sucks at sucking.

I’ve always had wandering eyes when it comes to vacuums. I looove to vacuum. It is a highly revered chore in my house. Nothing like vacuum tracks in the carpet. *ahh* When Dyson came out? I swooned a little. When I used my first Dyson? I swooned a little more. My best friend has a Kirby that is a piece of art that literally sucks. And now Hoover, Hooves decendtant,  has reinvented themselves and gone fancy at sucking. (I’m pretty sure Dyson still holds my heart, I think it’s because Mr. Dyson has an accent.)

I’m pining for a new vacuum, especially since a new house (well, new to me) is on the horizon. Upright? Canister? Ball? Bag? Bagless? SO. MANY. CHOICES. Almost too many choices.

But ultimately, who’s the best at sucking? And what would I do with Hooves? Is there a retirement home for sad, tired, little vacuums?


  1. Aw, poor Hooves. I love to vacuum, too, and have the newer, shinier and purpler (?) version of your Hooves. I love it. I swear it’s self-propelled, but my husband disagrees. (Like he’s ever used it…)

    By the way, you have a special shout-out on my current blog post…

    Jen L.s last blog post..Spring break wrap-up

  2. I love my Dyson Animal. I vacuum sooo much more now that I did before. And the attachments are so easy to use!

    Ambers last blog post..

  3. I love my Dyson. Pricey, but worth it!

    Have the T-shirts last blog post..The Wrong Way to Start a Monday

  4. casey… you are going to think i’m crazy, but you should definitely get a rainbow. ( they are currently running for a bit over 2 grand (oh, oops, i should have made sure you were sitting down), but they are built to last and most importantly don’t lose suction the way EVERY dry filtration system does. a few other people have mentioned rainbows in the comments – it uses water as a filter and that way everything is trapped in the water and not clogging up your filter/bag. that ‘burnt mouse’ smell? that’s BACTERIA. it lives and breeds in your vacuum bag.

    you should see if you can get an in-home demo done. you don’t have to buy it, but you can see what kinds of lovely things they’ll pull out of your carpet, your couch, even your bed. heck, the moosh’s bed.

    oops, i think i just outed myself as a total vacuum geek…

    karels last blog post..i can’t believe i’ve never mentioned this

  5. We have a Kirby that we got about 9 years ago pretty much brand new from a couple that needed cash for $300. While I do love what the Kirby can do, it is so heavy that I am in physical pain from vacuuming (I am sure a huge chunk of that is from my fibro & my limited mobility) I can’t clean the stairs or take it up stairs (or down now that we have converted my office into our master) and when you have a 2100 sq ft. colonial in which you can only vacuum one floor….gah! My sister has a dyson & she loves it, I would love to get one but Mr. Kirby has to kick the bucket & sadly I don’t see him doing that anytime soon.

    Domestic Extraordinaires last blog post..Haiku Friday-The Us edition

  6. I am violently opposed to bagless vacuums. You suck up all the dirt, only to open up the dirt holder and dump it everywhere?? WTF? No, I recommend the Oreck. I’ve tried them all, and the Oreck is the bestest. The bags hold plenty and seal themselves when you remove them, so there is no mess. They are lightweight and powerful. Sure, they aren’t the trendy DYSON (dyson hater in the house), and they don’t come in cute colors (well, mine is red, which I think is cute, anyway), but it has been by far the most dependable appliance I’ve ever used.

    Animal hair is bad for ANY kind of vacuum, though….

  7. first. Hi to TMI cyst.

    Second. I am so with you on wanting a new vacuum. You know what has me drooling?
    the dyson.. and look at only $500 FREE SHIPPING. Worth it huh??

    Carissas last blog post..A Kiss is Worth a Thousand…

  8. I’m pining away for a Dyson. But I did just see this new Oreck light vac that kind of had me tingly. Whatever it is it needs to suck and suck good. You could make another dog with the hair my dog sheds.

    WMs last blog post..Lady feels like a …dude

  9. Amy in StL says:

    I had an old panasonic that I had taken in to get repaired twice in the 9 years I owned it. But last time it crapped out, even taking it all apart (I love a screwdriver) and investigating where things might be going wrong didn’t turn up any help. I think the motor was just shot.

    So I bought a bissell healthy home. And wow, is my carpet clean. It’s heavy as all heck; but boy does it suck. And it spits out HEPA filtered air.

  10. I have the Sears Progressive Canister vac and I love it. It comes with a little powered hand tool for upholstery and stairs and my hairy, hairy car (dog). I would never have an upright again. The canister makes it so easy to get places the upright could never reach. And the Progressive comes in a range of prices, so it won’t bankrupt you like some other brands.

  11. are you hoping Dyson might come calling? 🙂

  12. I hope you get a Dyson, so that I can live vicariously through you. 🙂

    metalias last blog post..This is Where the Wild Things Are

  13. I was in love with my Dyson until the Kirby guys came by the other day and showed me how much crap it was NOT picking up. I feel a little betrayed and let down.

    Hollys last blog post..Global Warming

  14. Oh yeah, I used to have a Rainbow – above commenter is right. They are neat. But a pain in the butt to haul around and set up. If I have to fill it with water before I vacuum I am just not going to do it. In my own humble opinion, if you’re going to drop 2g on a vacuum get a Kirby because they also shampoo and they don’t have to be filled up or put together.

    Hollys last blog post..Global Warming

  15. I HATE HATE HATE my Dyson. Worst vacuum I’ve ever owned. I have the oldest model – the yellow one. It’s heavy, isnt’ self-propelled, a pain in the butt to switch to handheld for cobwebs and I’m sorry, but winding a cord went out of style in 1975. And don’t even get me started on how USELESS it is on stairs – and that’s AFTER I spent another $100 on the stairs attachments.

    My previous vacuum – a Kenmore canister vac – had a button you could push WITH YOUR FOOT for just about all these features and cost half as much. I’m still sad that I gave it away before I really knew how bad the Dyson was!

    Amandas last blog post.."What a sick masochistic lion"

  16. I live in Indy too, and I just got a new fancy-pants vacuum. My recommendation is to go to an actual vacuum store rather than a big box store to make your purchase. (I went to Ace Vacuums up at 116th and Michigan.) They ONLY sell super nice vacuums and the prices start at around $200. I had been through 3 crappy vacuums from Target before I broke down in a fit of frustration and got an amazing one. My new one is a Riccar, and it works SO WELL. Like, it sucks 25X harder than my old ones. Good luck!

    Erin –It’s Your Movie–s last blog post..You Capture: Reflection

  17. Should you decide on a Dyson, there is a good deal on the DC18 right now at Tuesday Morning’s website:

    (P.S. How did it go with the test yesterday?)