Addie will almost be six and a half.

Cody and I will have been married a decade.

It has been almost a year since I became at peace with it never happening again.

so...

I’ve become that story I hated so muchWell I know this girl who tried for five years, she finally gave up and it happened.

I know the physical ache that this has caused some of you to feel. Oh, how I know. And I hate that I caused it.

I’m no longer allowed to sit with the infertiles, even though I was a spokesperson and card carrying member for years. However I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to take my place on the other side either…I’m listening too closely for the shoe to drop.

Turns out that getting pregnant after so long comes with a whole new deluge of emotions. Ones I didn’t see coming. Ones even fewer people understand, let alone talk about.

Ones I’m in therapy for.

I’m done choking on all these emotions silently. Because I know if I’m choking? There’s hundreds more of you out there choking as well. I don’t want anyone to feel alone, I hate feeling alone. And if I have to be the first one to say it? Then so be it.

I am finally pregnant after almost five years of secondary infertility, and I’m scared.

I also know somewhere deep down inside there’s a reason people keep having babies and there’s a reason people get so excited at the announcement of a new pregnancy.

I’m going to have to go off that knowledge, and off your excitement until I’m there too.

Comments

  1. Congrats to you and your family. I bet your older daughter is going to love having a baby to help take care of.

    Thanks for talking about this so candidly. It’s good for mothers to know they are not alone.

  2. Wow. Congrats and good luck and all that!

  3. SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

  4. i’m just seeing this. thanks for sharing. not sure how much more there is to say as commenter 403 :-), but i had to just let you know that i’m happy for you–even though i can understand why it’s not so cut and dry for you (yet)–and i’m, as always, humbled and inspired by your bravery to just put it out there.

    and, for what it’s worth, my second pregnancy happened under very different circumstances, but came at a difficult time, with a lot of very mixed emotions and was just, well, fraught. i was scared and mixed up the entire 9 mos. my little boy is now almost a year old and (of course) i cannot imagine life without him. the difficult time is not over and it’s often very hard, dealing with it while taking care of TWO kids, but it’s all irrelevant. it just couldn’t be any other way. i wouldn’t have it.

  5. This post deserves mega comments! So here’s another one for the pot.
    CCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Live on that excitement for awhile. 😉

  6. I am soo excited for you!!

    You have given the rest of us who can’t get pregnant HOPE.

    Thank you for giving me hope and courage to keep trying to make my dream of becoming a mom true!

  7. Oh my gosh, I go away on vacation and look what I come back to!!!!!

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! I am SO, SO thrilled for you 🙂 YAY!!!!

  8. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!
    I’M MUCH MORE HAPPIER FOR YOUR PREGNANCY THAN MY OWN! I DONNO …IT’S JUST AWESOME!!!!!!~!!!
    GOOOOO U!!!

  9. Congratulations! I’m sure it’s a roller coaster of emotions. But I KNOW it’s such a blessing. So happy for you… 😀

  10. Every post of yours that I read, that spoke of infertility, and the toll it was taking on your emotions and your relationships… I WANTED to leave a comment saying that it will happen when the time is right. I wanted to, but I knew it broke the rules of etiquette.

    I can’t explain how happy I am for you. I’m so glad that I stumbled across your site, from a comment on someone else’s blog.

    Congratulations, Casey. Truly, happy doesn’t explain it, but I’m happy for you.

  11. Ahhh, congrats! Best Wishes.

  12. As one who can’t, I rejoice for those who do.
    I am sending you all the good vibes in the world 🙂
    Congratulations guys!

  13. Pregnancy is an emotional journey no matter how it is ridden. To echo what so many others have said, you are completely deserving of one of the greatest blessings.
    I hope someday, well if I can say that anymore, to be a mom of more children. I am trying to hold onto my hope that I can at least be a mother to my oldest daughter that is almost 10. Having been in a custody case since June of 2008, I feel like someone is trying to take away my oxygen supply when I think of the fact that he is trying to prove me unstable and claim that I don’t deserve her, that he should have her 100% of the time. I don’t know if I could go on without her, my heart might just stop on its own.
    I have been pregnant twice, raised 1 for 10 yrs was left by her dad when 8 weeks pregnant and placed my 2nd daughter for adoption when her birth father left me at 8 weeks pregnant.
    Your concerns are valid and very real. I hope that you are able to work through them and enjoy this journey to its fullest.
    Thank you for sharing so much of your innermost self so that the rest of us out here can realize that we are not alone, that you can realize that you are not alone.