Whenever Cody starts spouting off law school blah blah my eyes glaze over and I nod catatonically. I really want to care. Really I do. But a lot of it just doesn’t compute. It’s safe to say he keeps talk of federal jurisdiction out of our conversations and I don’t bore him with the finer points of why you must slowly sweat your vegetables before adding them to the soup.

Fast forward to Friday night.

I received an email with an attached contract that I needed to sign for a new gig I’m about to begin (SQUEE! shh.). I started to read it over and wouldn’t you know it, my eyes glazed over and my brain started to shut down. So I called Cody in from the other room.

“Hey dude, wanna read a contract?”

Boy did he. He read that thing like I read Perez Hilton. Focused. Intent. Interested.

And when he was done he let me know that according to this contract I was under obligation to do something I didn’t want to be doing and that there was no way out and no way of changing it once I signed it.

Really? It said that? Because all I saw was “blah blah money blah blah”.

Anyway. He said that I should write what I wanted added into the contract and send it back to be added in.

Me? Write what? But I don’t even…I but I, how do I?

Cody flippantly said “I’ll write it.”

I thought “Ha ha sure he will, like he’ll really write a clause into a contract for me so I can protect myself.” And then it dawned on me. “HE CAN WRITE A CLAUSE INTO MY CONTRACT SO I CAN PROTECT MYSELF!” In that one moment it dawned on me that all this time my husband hasn’t been with me he’s been learning how to write legal garbage to protect people like me who don’t get legal garbage.


You see, Cody’s school brain has been growing and getting infinitely smarter. I just don’t see his school brain much. But I do see his home brain a lot and sorry to say it hasn’t gotten quite as smart as his school brain has, so it’s easy to forget just how book smart he is.

My mom is a computer programmer. It’s easy for me to forget that my mom is a class A computer geek until I see her surrounded by some of the supreme uber dorks she works with typing seven hundred words a minute in insane computer languages.

Then there’s my dad. He could tell you the ins and outs of any piece of furniture he sees. How well it’s made, where the wood came from, how it was put together. He could even reproduce it down to the exact detail if you gave him enough time.

My sister knows every dog and cat breed ever to be ever, and the pros and cons of every single one.

I have another friend who eats breathes and sleeps music. The other day at lunch I asked her why everyone sucks at singing happy birthday and she went into stuff about octave jumps, seventh notes and funny pitches. Who knew?

And then there’s me. Any one of you who know me in real life probably know better than to ever ask me a baking question again because chances are I GAVE YOU AN EARFUL and you could have cared less about half the stuff that poured out of my mouth. I am fluent in bake speak. And I speak it liberally.

So what about you? What language are you fluent it? What question could I ask you that would set off your “speak”? What are you dorky at? An expert at? Even if it’s something as small as knitting tea cozies, tell me. Tell the world.

You know, just in case someone needs a perfect tea cozy. Or whatever.


  1. Oh I love the lawyer hubby stories…

    I was shocked too, about the whole, if you don’t like, just change the contract and THEN sign it and see if it takes.
    (Also very good for when you get an erroneous bill, and after talking to the folks and they keep telling you to just pay up, BRING in Da Husband/Lawyer–all over in 30 seconds.)

    I’m good at deciphering what the Doctor is REALLY saying about your kid’s Z-pack, “walking pneuomonia isn’t a virus OR a bacteria, it’s a Mycoplasm”. I get that.

    good&crazy’s last blog post..MEME: The Second

  2. Oh PS.

    I know what “res ipsa loquitur” means…sort of.

    good&crazy’s last blog post..MEME: The Second

  3. Sweating vegetables??? That sounds like it needs its own post.

    I’m a medical junkie.

    dana’s last blog post..MwMS

  4. I’m a book nerd. Between my master’s degree in English and my job in a bookstore, I can tell you what literary periods Byron, Tennyson, and Eliot are from; that J.D. Robb and Nora Roberts are the same writer in different genres (even though I’ve never read one of her books); and who does the best translations of Russian literature.

    Amber’s last blog post..My Sister the Rock Star

  5. Found you via Blissfully Domestic. Wondering which plugins you are using for the linky love, kirtsy and stumble upon at the bottom of each post. Thanks!

    Alyssa’s last blog post..It’s Not Just Time Management

  6. genetics + embryos = my knowledge base

    no one ever asks.

  7. FUNNY!

    I can fluently speak accounting (enough to confuse the bejeebers outtya) and Ebay sales speak. It’ll put you into tears of boredom.

    My husband can speak cop talk and code book talk to no end and can find a golf ball 40000000 miles away but cannot find the mayo in the fridge if it’s not in the same place it was for 16 years.

    Darla’s last blog post..Sincerely Fro Me to You…

  8. hmmm

    i would have to say i am also fluent in bake speak. really, kitchen speak…

    and music. i’m a total music nerd.

    and i’m kind of a computer geek, but not nearly as geeky awesome as your mom…

    oh and yeah i speak child. not goo goo gah gah but like childhood stages, issues…the one thing i took interest to in college

    biddy’s last blog post..ketchup…catsup…oh yeah, CATCH UP

  9. I am up to date in biochemistry speak. My husband speaks Real Estate Broker and Mortgage Broker, and hearing it makes me dizzy.

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Keeping It Real

  10. I totally want to hear the details on this contract super-secret thingy. Like, NOW!

    And my speak? Usability and user interface design. (yawn)

  11. I’m fluent in softball speak. I think I’ve found my calling as a coach, especially with high school girls.

    OH, and I’m also fluent in margarita speak…but the more I study, the more brain cells I kill.

    Obviously, my two languages don’t get to speak together.

    MommyCosm’s last blog post..YoBaby Yogurt

  12. This post is GREAT! And I loved, LOVED the comments.

    I am so late, but why not add mine?

    Psychology speak and child development. I can’t believe how varied everyone’s areas of expertise are.

    Very, very, interesting.

    the new girls last blog post..Sidebar Saturday: Happiness Through Art