Hi Internet.

How are you?

Me? I’m still kind of having a rough time. Cody has started studying hardcore for the bar, it should be against the law to study 12 hours a day for two months straight for ONE TEST.

But that’s just my opinion.

I have my house, but after having the utilities turned on to have it inspected, a pipe blew up somewhere in the ceiling and rendered a light fixture and bathroom fan makeshift water fountains. HURRAH FOR HOME OWNERSHIP!

(As an aside, the bathroom fan, when there is no shower to void humidity, what purpose does the fan truly serve? Is it to cover up noises? Or suck smelly air out? Because personally I think they suck at the latter. I could give examples but I just ate.)

Here’s the other thing. I have to have real surgery. Like I’m going to be konked out and have to sign release waivers and have things cut into me. My belly specifically. The next step to project moosh 2.0 is to factory reset my uterus with a good deep cleaning viaΒ  a laparoscopy (lappa-ross-kuppy).

I’m kinda scared.

They call it a “microinvasive” surgery. Regardless, it has the word INVASIVE in it and invasions are never good, unless it’s the invasion of lots of money into my bank account, or cheeseburgers into my mouth.

I’ve only been knocked out once for my wisdom teeth and I remember McSalad Shakers being the last thing I heard as I drifted under.

But this? I’m going to wake up after having stuff shoved in my belly. Sharp stuff. My uterus will have been roto rooted. That can’t feel good right? I had one friend who had a laparoscopic procedure done and their exact words?

“Oh, just feels like I’ve been STABBED IN THE STOMACH FIVE TIMES.”

eep!

And then there’s all these rumors of gas escaping out of your shoulders.

hold me!

Plus I watched Dateline years ago where they covered the whole topic of anesthesia working on your body but not on your mind. (Called anesthesia awareness, there’s an entire campaign. So don’t tell me it’s made up, if there’s a campaign? I have reason to be nervous.)

So basically you’re frozen stiff and everyone thinks you’re asleep but in reality you’re awake and can FEEL AND HEAR EVERYTHING.

I’m not allowed to watch Dateline anymore for a plethora of reasons, this one included.

Okay.

So.

There you go.

Busted pipes both in my ceiling and in my abdominal cavity.

June 23rd, a uterine factory reset is scheduled.

Good times!

Comments

  1. just had my uterus boiled two weeks ago and other than post anesthesia vomiting it wasn’t that bad. i’m trying to learn that life is a series of “getting older” events without which we’d never have the privilege of gaining lasting wisdom…so when i have to go through this crap i think: older sucks but wiser’s better….

    good luck and praying for you.

    i mean praying to my NON MORMON God…hahaha…just kidding. seriously…just kidding.

    Casey Reply:

    @heather, BOILED? OMG BOILED?

  2. Will keep you in my prayers! You know it will be worth it when you have moosh 2.0.

  3. @Jess, Furniture? Who needs furniture? Surely not me!

  4. @Debbie, yeah. HOURS. A lot of his friends got hotels downtown for the night between. *eye roll(

  5. @nicole, My wisdom teeth were cake! (well, not “cake” but you know.)
    You give me hope. Some of these other fools? NOT SO MUCH.

  6. @Domestic Extraordinaire, I have that same fear! I won’t even let them clean it if I can’t physically see it. Apparently you can get them mapped or something.

  7. @crookedeyebrow, You’re one of my examples of hope in a uterus.

  8. @Em, I would have to pee all. the. time. if they stayed there.

  9. @Must Be Motherhood, If I stay a bloated mess for two weeks like these people say I will? I’m taking you up on that.

  10. @Jamie, Maybe I’ll request they float me off to Paris, at least they have cheese and pastries there.

  11. @Mandee, heating pad in 90 degree weather with high humidity.
    BOO.
    I’m taking your suggestion though.

  12. @Steph, Ooh, the tummy tuck isn’t a bad idea…

  13. I had one three years ago. The incision wasn’t bad, didn’t hurt at all. The worst was the shoulder pain but getting up and walking around helped with that.

    My most “amusing” memory had to do with my sensitivity to the anesthesia. I blew 5 times, the last being less than a mile from home. I begged my husband to pull over in the parking lot and was hoping he would pull towards the back for some privacy but not so much. I blew chunks hard for the world to see in probably the busiest intersection in the 4th largest city. Yea!!! Good show I’m sure.

    My prayers are with you, that everything goes well.

    Casey Reply:

    @Rachel, After my pregnancy? Barfing in public does not shame me.

  14. oh and also includes what i have decided to term a “vag job” …

    also, i love you.

  15. My husband watched that Dateline thing, too – right before I had my tubes tied.

    You’ll be fine. I had a laparoscopy before and you’ll be sore of course, but it’s not insanely horrible. I mean, you’ve been through childbirth, right? But the gas… well, that’s pretty much true.

    Casey Reply:

    @Shannon, And I’ve had some MEAN gas in my life…

  16. I had a septum in my uterus resected laparoscop-ically (is that a word? prolly not!) last year and it IS NOT A BIG DEAL pain-wise. I don’t think I even took the T3s I was prescribed. Just regular Advil. I was actually surprised that there was so little pain. And you only have 2 or 3 TINY little cuts. My only problem was the air in the shoulders thing…a couple of days after surgery I had terrible pressure in my chest but that faded and it was all good!
    You’ll do awesome, and you’re in my prayers.

    Casey Reply:

    @Kerry, T3? YOU’RE TOTALLY A CANADIAN! (on and thanks for your comment and stuff…!)

    Kerry Reply:

    @Casey,(scratches head) whaddya call ’em in the USA?
    On another random note…I was worried about the anaesthesia as well (not about waking up but that I would NEVER wake up)and when my doctor came in and saw me crying she asked what was wrong. I told her I was worried and she looked at me funny/sternly and said “We’re having a stupendous day here so don’t mess it up!” Which sounds mean and nasty when I type it but totally put me at ease at the time.

  17. Oh good luck. I had keyhole surgery a couple years ago to get my gall bladder out and it hurt but not too much. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, you will not experience the anaesthesia awareness thing. Do not prove me wrong!

    Casey Reply:

    @Meaghan, I’ll be sure to try really really hard not to prove you wrong.

  18. I wish I could be there to hold your hand before, feed you afterwards and make silly faces to help you laugh.
    But, I’m all the way down here. So, prayers said from down here, a massive MWAH from me to you and MUCH love.

    Casey Reply:

    @rachel-asouthernfairytale, Apparently laughing is supposed to hurt really really bad.
    So ixnay on the afflay.

  19. p.s. also, i had one two years ago on the 28th and had zero shoulder pain at all. zero. zip. nada. just for some kind of assurance that it’s not that bad for EVERYONE.

    Casey Reply:

    @ashley., you’re so tiny, your results are unreliable.

  20. Anesthesia Awareness is probably number 3 on my top 10 list of fears. Also, what is this nifty new plugin you are using that allows you to reply directly beneath the comment. Does it also email the reply to the commenter?

    So many questions.

    Casey Reply:

    @Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy, I’ve never listed my fears numerically, it’s probably better for the good of society if I don’t.

  21. I know what you mean when you talk about the anesthesia awareness. I had open heart surgery a year ( a year and a week to the day to be exact) ago. About a month before the surgery my friends thought it would be amazing to let me watch “Awake”… don’t watch it.. and Moosh 2.0 will be worth the pain.. trust me… open heart surgery was worth the life I live now in comparison to the life I was living then…

    Casey Reply:

    @Crisi, Heart surgery TOTALLY trumps my sissy little surgery.
    And that movie? PRETENDING IT DOESN’T EXIST! lalalala!

  22. I have the same surgery coming up, and I’m TERRIFIED. Met with the doctor a couple of weeks ago and he told me to take A COUPLE OF WEEKS off work. I have never taken a couple of weeks off work for anything, including other surgeries, so this one is definitely going to hurt. Add to that the fact that all I can keep thinking of is when I had my wisdom teeth out, and woke up in the middle of it. NO THANK YOU.

    (um… hi, sorry for not being totally reassuring “oh it will be awesome! you’ll love it!” instead of spewing my own personal fears all over your comments)

    Casey Reply:

    @Louise, Please, spew forth liberally.

  23. So I read this really late and you’re probably not even reading comments anymore, but freak out before surgery is practically my middle name.

    (I had my brain surgery right after the movie “Awake” came out. Yea, that was cool.)

    My very few recommendations for surgery are:
    -If you’re prone to getting nauseated after surgery, tell the anesthesiologist beforehand. In fact, ask specifically for a drug called Emend. It’s for chemo patients but it’s been approved and is used to prevent (not treat) nausea in surgery patients. It is amazing. I threw up for 3 days with brain surgery, not one puke with the boob surgery I had 6 months later.

    -Drink a TON of water afterwards. The more your drink, the better you’ll flush the drugs (not the happy ones, just the anesthesia) out.

    -Rest. My surgeon told me to expect it to take 1 week per hour of surgery to recover fully-mentally and physically. So if your surgery is an hour, give yourself AT LEAST a week to recover. At least, it might take longer and that’s okay too.

    -Finally, rent a bunch of good movies and enjoy the vacation.

    Casey Reply:

    @Overflowing Brain, “prone to getting nauseated after surgery”
    Yeah, I’VE NEVER HAD SURGERY.
    But I’m taking the week long advice.

  24. Amazing, you even make surgery sound funny. It’s a gift. πŸ™‚

    Casey Reply:

    @Chris, Wait until you see me on drugs!!

  25. Yeah, the gas coming up through your back is the worst part, but it doesn’t last that long.

  26. i don’t envy the bar studying one bit. my husband studied for the missouri bar for the summer exam & started the arizona bar soon after for the spring exam. (random, i know, but he went to school in arizona & we moved back to missouri for a job that is now moving him back to arizona.) cody’s not going for illinois, ohio, or kentucky next, is he? is he?!?

    Casey Reply:

    @mommymae, Indiana.
    THE END. (for now at least)

  27. Oh no. I’ve never heard of the surgery that you are having, but I really hope that it goes well and is well worth it πŸ˜‰ I have heard of McSalad Shakers, however, and the mere mention sent H2o shooting out of my nose. Try not to build up the anesthesia part of it in your head… you’ll have your very own experience and it will be fine! We’ll be thinking about you… best of luck to you, your home and your hubby.

  28. I have had surgery many times and i promise you all will be ok. They’ll give you the drugs, you’ll fall asleep and like two seconds later, you’ll wake up and it will all be over.

  29. Surgery of any kind = suckiness, but I hope yours goes well. Fingers will be crossed and prayers will be said. πŸ™‚

    And the pipes? Holy crap…I fear for actually owning my home because then I’LL be responsible for this kind of crap and that scares the bejeezus out of me!

  30. Casey, re: anesthesia nightmares. My best friend had surgery 2 weeks ago to correct a labreal tear (hip), and thus was under anesthesia for about 2-3 hours. She’s been inflicted with pain for 2 years now, and they just finally were able to diagnose it about a month ago. Before they did, they tried EVERYTHING in the book for any sort of hip/butt related pain. In their “testing” to figure out the problem she had several injections of steroids & botox, none of which worked. But, these were all done with her semi-conscious, just loopy from the sedation they gave her. For some reason she needed enough for a HORSE…and she is a tiny girl (5 feet). At one procedure they gave her a large dose, and as they wheeled her in for her injection, she was just like, “uh, just so you all know, I’m still totally lucid!”…

    Anyway, she clearly was hard to sedate for those procedures, and I was scared to death that her anesthesia for the surgery would do just what you are afraid of–that she’d be “awake” and feel everything, but not be able to let anyone know.

    LONG STORY SHORT OMGZ, she was totally fine, the anesthesia worked like a charm, and she was fine when she came out of it (other than hip pain, but obv that’s normal).

    So, just a little personal story for you to hopefully quell some fears. Hope that helps, and GOOD LUCK! (I’m actually going under THE KNIFE in a few weeks for some nose reconstruction, woohoo!)

    Casey Reply:

    @Maggie, I’m the same way with dental work. I need half of their supply to get even close to numb. Then I need the gas to calm me the heck down.

  31. I had my gallbladder removed laproscopically about two months after I had a c-section. Laproscopy wins, hands down…

    Casey Reply:

    @Halala Mama, Wins as more painful? Or less painful!?

  32. Ahhh…sorry for being unclear. Wins as in less painful and far fewer complications. I felt like hell for less than 24 hours and that was mitigated by my new best friend Percocet. I slept well and got over it quickly. I didn’t have that radiating shoulder pain that they talk about and my incisions were so small they healed right away.

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