Dear AT&T,

Ha ha, you funny jokers you. I logged onto your site today to tell you that I have no dial tone and that my phone isn’t working. Your first instructions to me were “call our 24/7 customer service line.” Of course in my head I think “CALL! Immediate results!” Then I remember what I would be calling about.

And that I can’t.

I know I could use my cell phone, but peak minutes spent on hold with those automated machine things?

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t understand what you said. Did you say you wanted a sandwich with bologna?”

No. But if you don’t help me I’ll find some choice places to shove some bologna.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m having trouble understanding you. Did you say you wanted to buy a pony?”


I also think it’s very admirable that you gave me step by step instructions on troubleshooting my phone issues. Of course it has to start with “Is your phone plugged into the wall?” because there are those people out there.

I’m even related to a couple of them.

What really got me is that you provided a tutorial for customers to self diagnose their phone line, which included bringing a corded phone and a screwdriver outside their home to the Network Interface Device. I’m flattered that you trust me enough to try and fix my own phone, or that you’re that ecologically (economically?) minded enough to have the customer do his or her own repairs. However I don’t think it’s the smartest thing.

Also, thanks for the warning not to perform the troubleshooting in an electrical storm, again, totally related to the reason you have to give that warning.

However, something went awry. There was a dude all up in my telephone buisiness yesterday morning as the moosh and I were eating cereal. Was he supposed to be there? Did you screw up? Because I know I didn’t ask him to be there. All I know is my phone doesn’t work.

And it should.

Can you hear me now?




  1. That’s classic.

    Kind of like having online support to fix your internet connection.

    Did you have a witty response to their request that you call in to Customer Service?

    Mike Petersons last blog post..Our Haunted House

  2. I wonder if they’re on twitter – that seems to be the only way to be heard by any company these days.

    catnips last blog post..I’m here.

  3. Sorry, I have to tell you that I HATE at&t .

    I hope you get help. If not, there is always the internet….who needs a phone?

  4. No? Seriously! Holy hells bells Casey. That’s just, well insane, but pretty stinkin’ funny.

    thank you. Thank you so much for your comment on my mediocrity post.

    you have no idea how much that means to me. Especially from you. Thank you. XOXOXOXOX

    Rachels last blog post..Sh*t Torts and Courcans

  5. Don’t feel bad, T-mobile pretty much sucks the big one as well…IF I could understand their customer service…please stop the outsourcing, people!

    Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..No final chemo and words likely to drive me over the edge to the dark place

  6. This same thing happened at my moms house in Indy a year or so ago. We had so much on our plates at the time, that when we read what it said to do we ALL were rolling on the floor laughing because we couldn’t believe the first directions would be to call them. I’m sorry for your troubles, and for the stupidity of AT&T. I hope you get everything up and running again soon. Thanks though for the post, and good memories!

    Erikas last blog post..It’s Up to Us

  7. I’m with the majority here. At&t sucks.

    I think I’m related to a few of those people too.

    Ashleys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Melancholy

  8. I went through the exact same thing! Once I finally got through to a human being. . . using my neighbors phone. . . she told me to take a butter knife outside and open some box, somewhere!? Honestly, there are reasons why I am NOT a phone repair person. And being able to access one in a time of need without so much hassle would be nice. 🙂

  9. Oh, dear. I dread problems with phone, Internet or Cable because I don’t like dealing with those people. No offense to them, it’s just a screwy system.

    Can you imagine if they did twitter? And the tweets they would receive from customers?! hehe

    Rheas last blog post..Are you Up on Uptake?

  10. I can vouch for the fact that AT&T doesn’t give a crap if you eventually get to talk to an actual person and are sobbing because your phone hasn’t been hooked up. I think the automated response to crying might have been more sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I believe you are crying. If you are crying, please hang up and try calling again.”

  11. That similar thing happened to us and our Comcast Digital Voice phone. It was ringing all the time, so we unplugged it and we told them it wasn’t working so they should call our cell #. And which phone did they call to let us know that the service guy was coming…

    Just Mes last blog post..In Memoriam

  12. I could go on forever about AT&T. We used to live on a street called Canyon Way but AT&T refused to acknowledge that it was Canyon Way and instead addressed our bills to “220 West”. Unfortunately the post office had the exact opposite opinion and just sent our bills back to AT&T. This street was 50 years old and they still hadn’t been able to correct the error.

    Hollys last blog post..The Eyebrows That Ate Chicago

  13. Unfortunately all phone & cable companies are like this. And I have found that yelling at the automated voices doesn’t work too well. “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand, did you mean…” GRRRR

  14. My husband WORKS for AT&T and we wanted to make changes on our service. He called in 3 seperate times and was on hold for MORE THAN 2 hours! He gave up each time and assumed he’d been lost in the space/time continuum. When he finally did get through to change the order- they screwed it up….

  15. The degree of separation from Mickey Dees fry cook to AT&T customer service has shrunk considerably. Was your customer service person in North America or Asia?

  16. ^I doubt she got a person. It was likely all automated.

    Michelles last blog post..What is this free time you speak of?

  17. Too funny….

    My wife usually laughs at me because I say more than I should to the automated answering thingies…

    Slicks last blog post..Feelin’ Sexy….

  18. AT&T are clearly out to get us all. We just installed Uverse which should cover phone, internet and tv. The fine print apparently, is that they don’t do it all at once. We have yet to have all three services work at the same time. Tricky, Mr. AT&T… very tricky.

    Domestic Goddess (In Training)s last blog post..The second child….

  19. thanks for making me laugh as i sit in my hellish cubicle!

    mayas last blog post..Why so scared Soleil?

  20. i HATE at&t. i hope you get your phone working, and fast!

    Heathers last blog post..Prayers for Beany..

  21. Argh.