I’m sitting outside Starbucks on Wilshire in my easter egg pocket sized rental car watching the palm trees, the clouds and the very expensive cars drive by. I believe there is a law in LA that no one is to drive a car on a main street unless it was manufactured before 2004 unless said car can be registered as luxury and/or vintage. If you have a car older than 2004? It’s shady side streets for you.

You all know it’s Easter, and you know what I believe. I’m sitting outside Starbucks because church wouldn’t let me loiter and besides, it doesn’t have wi-fi. (Well, maybe LA churches do?) So yes, Happy Easter.

I watched a macho man in too tight khakis curl his shopping basket full of protein shakes in the line at the grocery store. (By the time I had my camera out it was his turn to check out, BUT I TRIED.)  I’m staying with a friend who has friends on shows such as Big Love (har.) and The Office, on Monday Desperate Housewives will be filmed at her children’s school. I have had tacos from seedy taquerias on street corners in Hollywood that are better than any taco in the entire Midwestern territory. I tried a $16/lb. herbal tea. I also just noticed that across the street from me is Ursula’s Costumes, with an Easter Rabbit or Renaissance Wench costume available for rent.

This is a crazy place, so different than New York yet so similar for someone who grew up in a smaller city. Valet is the norm here. As is skinny jeans, full body waxings and tiny dogs in purses that cost as much as one month of rent.

I only wish I were here for a different reason.

Maddie’s toys sit in the living room untouched. No sound comes from them. The piano and guitar she and the moosh played duets on is silent. The blue chair she loved to crawl on with Rigby. sits lonely in the middle of the floor. Her very favorite push car sits in the dining room across from a makeshift shrine devoted to the “little one…with fluttery lashes and sassy personality.

The mood is somber. But Mike and Heather are surrounded by so much love, not only in real life, but online that they can’t help to be grateful for the distraction. I was in the room when the call came about the interview in the LA Times. I was next to her when a tweet came through from Demi Moore-Kutcher wishing the Spohr family well (and crazy enough she shares the same birthday as Miss Maddie.)

As I sit here a little girl just went by being pushed in the same pink car as Maddie’s. WAH.

There are tears when memories are shared over a particular photo. There are smiles and laughs when they tell of Madeline’s obnoxious gift for changing the channel at the last second, deleting the show they had on pause.

She gave sloppy open mouth kisses that consumed one’s entire nose and mouth.

There are details going into Madeline’s service that celebrate, rather than mourn. Cherish rather than ignore.

My fingers and toes are purple, a Maddie-Pedi if you will.

A purple shirt hasn’t left my body since I landed in LA on Thursday.

The Spohr’s have let me help them, and there is something to be said about forgetting yourself and going to work.

(HEY! There goes the token metrosexual hottie, shirtless in a black convertible!)

There’s a thousand ways to help or be involved and all of them are appreciated.


Lotus is dedicated to get a March for Maddie in every state in the Union, join one already in progress or set one up in your own city.

Donations can be made through the March of Dimes in Maddie’s name (Mike’s donations are only at $10, while Heather’s are at $23K let’s show the guy some love.) or donations can be made directly to the Spohrs through paypal.

Wear your purple, turn your internet life purple, fly your purple balloons, take a gift to a local hospital for parents of premature babies in the NICU (a fantastic post written by Heather about what to do when someone you know has a preemie.)

As for the service? 2:30pm on Tuesday, April 14th, 2009. Old North Chapel at Forest Lawn Memorial Park, Hollywood Hills.  For more information on the site, go here.

If you’ll be attending let me know so I can watch out for you. I’ll be the one in the purple (heh.)


  1. If only all grieving mothers were blessed with such adoring friends. If only all such ineffable horrors could somehow be impressed upon strangers through joyful wit and somber words. Only through kindness like yours do we survive tragedy. Thank you for letting us know and ensuring we never forget.


    Robby Slaughters last blog post..Copy, Paste, Apocalypse

  2. I know yr love is helping out there baby. I am there in spirit. xo

    amys last blog post..alone on easter with a ruptured eardrum and little pain meds

  3. oh Casey…you slay me with your words. I’m so glad you’re there helping in any way you can. I just wish we could all be there Tuesday in our purple to hold Heather and Mike. Please give them all my love.

    Jens last blog post..An Unspeakable Loss

  4. Casey, you are such a great friend to Heather. I wish I could be there in person, but I will be there in spirit, and my kids and I will be releasing purple balloons for the beautiful girl that causes my daughter to scream “baybee!!!” when she sees her picture. *sob*

    Anna Maries last blog post..For Maddie

  5. Glad to see that you made it safely to LA. You’re being such a supportive friend. It’s the best gift you could give them in such a time of need. Give them the warmest of wishes for us.

  6. I’m so glad that you are able to be there for them – I can only imagine how hard this is for you as well – take care of yourself. The girls and I all wore purple today to church for Easter – even though I am seriously not understanding why this happened.

  7. You’re a fantabulous friend. Please carry along the whole internet’s hugs along with you to the Spohrs.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]s last blog post..Weekly Winners: Easter Edition

  8. Thanks for this post. The pic in the article yesterday just broke my heart. Tuesday afternoon we are planning on getting some balloons to let loose. God, I can’t believe she is gone.

    midwest mommys last blog post..A Picture Story: First time eating Easter eggs!

  9. I’ll be there with my husband.

    Heather’s friend from BlogHer whose pregnant belly you whispered into

    Nanettes last blog post..Fighting tooth and nail

  10. Hi! I follow you on Twitter and need a purple avatar. Can you help? 🙂

    MBs last blog post..Pleasure

  11. I bet that purple shirt is stinky by now, though! 🙂

    Avitables last blog post..Some inspirational Bible verses for Easter

  12. During today’s service I wondered if our pastor (or his wife) had heard of Maddie ~ he made a comment that for some people this would be their first Easter without their child – how awful that was, how it should never happen, how it was out of order & how the Church is to rise up and care for those parents. He said that we cry because we miss them but that we should grieve with hope, knowing that we’ll be with them again in Heaven. I couldn’t stop thinking of Heather and hoping that she knows we cry with her & pray for a beautiful reunion in Heaven.

    I hope that Maddy found all the chocolate eggs in Heaven today.

    Bellamommas last blog post..You Capture: Fun

  13. I loved this post. We’re wearing purple for Maddie. Will be there in spirit on Tuesday.


    Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..The Imperfectionist

  14. Thanks for sharing the you tube address for the KTLA segment. I followed the Spohr’s for months on the their blog and have followed, with a heavy heart, all the tweets, memorial posts and information shared since Maddie’s passing.Give Heather and Mike a heartfelt and meaningful hug from another stranger, but also a mom, grandmother and human being that is following their journey. Hopefully our presence on this WWW is helping them through their immediate and intense sorrow.

  15. Just read the LA Times piece…and once again crying over that darling little angel. She taught us such a valuable lesson in such a short time. We’re still praying. Still sending along support.

  16. this is so wonderful and horrible. i’m so glad you’re there for them. i mean… we know people are there for them, but it’s good to hear.

    i don’t know if i’m going on tuesday.

  17. I’ll be there with a heavy heart and open arms and ears.

    Thank you for being there.

    VDogs last blog post..Testing the shop for Heather

  18. I will be there in spirit tomorrow, and in purple for real here in Kentucky.

  19. i will here in toronto, wearing my purple, wishing i could be there in LA, wearing my purple

    alis last blog post..find my ilana a thing

  20. will see you there with my purple nails. *sigh*

    mayas last blog post..My Tribute to Maddie Moo….

  21. So glad you are there with them. Dean and I will pick up some purple balloons this afternoon at the grocery store and let them fly tomorrow for Maddie. I’m wearing my purple and praying for all of you.

    Jen L.s last blog post..I missed my blawg

  22. I love you.

    Princess and I are getting purple toes and nails tomorrow in honor of Maddie.

    rachel-asouthernfairytales last blog post..Potato Casserole with SunDried Tomato & Basil Cream Cheese

  23. I will be there, happy to see you again but heartbroken by the circumstances.

  24. I love you sweet girl, and I love you my Heather friend. Kisses and giant hugs from Utah.

    Kimmies last blog post..BFF’s and Blogging

  25. Thank you for your beautiful post, makes me want to take the rest of the day off to be with the girls (who by the way along with the hubby and I are in purple!)

  26. I won’t be there, but I’m wearing my purple. Please give Heather and Mile a hug for me and my family. They don’t know me, but I am praying for them.

    Megs last blog post..Longest. Night. Ever.

  27. I’m so glad Heather and Mike have such an amazingly supportive friend in you.

    Thank you!

    WMs last blog post..In memory of Maddie

  28. What a BLESSING you are to Heather and Mike!!!! I am so glad you are there for them. You rock girl!

  29. Like I said yesterday, if I had a friend like you, I know life would always be all right.

    But I just have to pick myself up off the ground from laughing. I grew up in LA, so all that you’re describing sounds … comforting. Like Mac & Cheese. Yeah, LA is definitely different. Never a dull moment.


    Sugar Joness last blog post..Friends

  30. Tara Jaye says:

    Casey, this is lovely. You do indeed have a way with words. Thank you for sharing this vignette with such color, such emotion. Love and hugs, Tara Morrow (from Hallmark)

  31. love ya lady


  1. […] March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor (Over $25K and counting) –  to create donation buttons, to fly to LA with open arms and healing hugs – to organize Walks all over the country – to turn purple – to write […]

  2. […] March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor (Over $25K and counting) –  to create donation buttons, to fly to LA for a beautiful memorial with open arms and healing hugs – to organize Walks all over the country – […]

  3. […] March of Dimes in Maddie’s honor (Over $25K and counting) –  to create donation buttons, to fly to LA for a beautiful memorial with open arms and healing hugs – to organize walks all over the country – […]

  4. […] thanks to Casey, Meghan, Tanis and Shannon for allowing me to have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and […]