I have to hurry up and write this while I’m coherent and sane.

Had I sat down and written this four hours ago when I originally intended to you would all be cocking your heads doing the “AWW.” thing offering to send me puppies and rubbing your rosaries for me and my poor tortured spirit.

You see, four hours ago I was making spaghetti while bawling my eyes out because my friend had asked me what I was wearing. (Truth be told that I was wearing the same thing for 24 hours straight and I smelled like an armpit. This in and of itself was utterly and completely depressing.)

The best way I can describe the feelings I have on Lupron?

It’s like watching one of those slow motion crash test videos and Crazy Lupron Red (that’s what we call her around these parts) is behind the wheel and Normal Not Lupron Red is screaming at Crazy Lupron Red (phone call, hold please.)

(Gramma Flower just called and sent me back into spaghetti bawling hysterics because she got a puppy. OH HOW I WISH I WERE KIDDING.)

Okay. Back to the Crazy Lupron Red crash analogy. Only this time Crazy Lupron Red will be telling a little more of the story.

Crazy Lupron Red is headed for a gigantic very painful crash in very slow motion. The logical part of my brain (Normal Not Lupron Red (another aside, Cody calls me Red.)) has been forced to sit in a soundproof booth and just watch Crazy Lupron Red descend into madness. No matter how much Normal Not Lupron Red screams and yells at Crazy Lupron Red that “this will all end and it’s only temporary and THIS ISN’T REALLY YOU!” Crazy Lupron Red cannot hear Normal Not Lupron Reds logic.

I dialed the first 10 digits of a lot of phone numbers today. I could never bring myself to hit that last number though.

I so desperately wanted to talk to someone but couldn’t bring myself to burden some poor unsuspecting soul with my blabberings. This isn’t me. No need to spread the crazy farther than my front door step.

And here is where my friends are reading this going “YOU BIG DUMMY, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED ME.” I know I could have called you. But I have really good reasons for not calling you all snotty and hiccupy. I didn’t call you because you live in Canada and that’s expensive. I didn’t call you because you’re in the middle of moving and hardly have time for the blatherings of a menopausal 27 year old. I didn’t call you because YOU JUST HAD A BABY and the last thing you need is *this right here*. I didn’t call you because frankly we’re not big phone talkers, I didn’t call you because you’re a boy and as much as you’d like to think of yourself as a girl YOU’RE A BOY. And lastly I didn’t call you because even though we have hung out in a hotel room I still don’t feel like I’m to that point where I can call in the middle of the day bawling into my marinara and not worry about what you’re really thinking about me.

Ten years ago the lowest point of my life was when I was in a pit of depression and I realized I had NO ONE to call and talk to.

Today? I had so many people I could call that I couldn’t even be bothered to make a decision.

I need to watch what I say. I feel as though I am very full of venom and a little too unpredictable. I am going to be completely selfish for awhile. Not only for my own benefit, but so Crazy Lupron Red doesn’t take down some nice people while on her warpath to an endometriosis free life.

I am quite certain I will not be “me” for the next few months. So take this as your warning.

When I break down for no apparent reason in the middle of the grocery store over a particular shade of orange melamine?

It’s the Lupron talking.


  1. You pretty much only know me through emails, but I don’t have kids, nor am I pregnant, so if you ever need an almost stranger to vent to, I’d be happy to listen.

    I am glad you’re able to recognize that you’re not alone.

  2. First of all, thanks for the visit to my site – an honour to have you come by.

    Best of luck with the Lupron. These drugs that mess around with hormonal balance can really screw with your head (and the rest of you for that matter). I think the good news is that things tend to settle down over time, or at least you get used to it. Probably the latter. All the best.

  3. @lceel,

    LOU! 🙂

  4. I’m praying for you!

  5. You could call me. I know you don’t know me in For Reals. But you could call me. I promise squishy hugs, and a box of kleenex, and cuddles for the Moosh.

  6. oh dear. that sounds rough! I am glad that you blogged about it so that you can look back and … maybe laugh? It stinks to go through it, that’s for sure. Thanks for sharing your experiences so candidly!

  7. I think that having a ton of people who would listen to you bawl is a sign that you are loved. However, I am with you, some days the effort of it, isn’t worth it.

    Hope the hormones even out a bit soon.

    I am trying so hard not to be too nice. Wouldn’t want to start the tears again. Should I call you something mean? I won’t cuss on your blog…but how about….eh, never mind.

  8. I find it… interesting… that Crazy Lupron Red, when anagrammed, is CLR. CLR is a cleaning agent (Calcium Lime Rust) used to clean all the nasty crap off pipes and bathtubs and such. It’s almost as if you planned it that way.