I was once accused of doing “it” wrong by a nurse while I was inpatient at a Utah hospital.

“It” being my recovery.

She came in after one of my group therapy sessions and asked what I had been working on.

I told her that during the group session I realized just how much I had to go back to. A good husband, good friends, a decent job, a stable family and few other things that I had a new found appreciation for.

She scolded me and told me I wasn’t doing it right and that I was wrong.

People who land themselves in *that* wing of the hospital aren’t supposed to be so happy and grateful for their own life so fast apparently.

Whoops.

I hated that nurse. I had her for over 24 hours of my 72 hour stay.

She had a nervous tick that I had forgotten about until I saw her at a wedding. She came up to me insistent that I looked familiar, I didn’t recognize her, that is until she ticked.

I was reminded of being scolded for having the audacity to find hope during one of the worst seasons of my life.

********

I am so good right now.

So strong.

So happy.

And because of her I sometimes wonder if I’m doing it wrong. Maybe this isn’t really happiness. Maybe this is mania…depression masquerading as happiness.

But I’ve been through mania, and this? Isn’t mania.

I think this is just plain old happy and content and I still blame this baby for most of it.

five months

Nothing special is going on. Nothing fancy has happened.

Well, except for this cat.

How fancy is he?

mr. wink

I feel the way sweet tastes.

To anyone who may be out there fighting to come back? Keep fighting. Oh my, please keep fighting. Because this feeling of sweetness? To be able to appreciate a simple life the way those who have not suffered are not able to?

It is worth every tear, heartache and pain to know this kind of delicious. Even if it won’t last forever, it makes the time spent here better.

***********************

Being able to wake up every morning for the last several weeks and feel hopeful about what each new day truly has been a special occasion, since it has never really happened before. I’m grateful to be participating in this project with Hallmark to share my experience and the beauty of the extraordinary ordinary.

Comments

  1. People like that nurse make me stabby.

    So happy you’re so happy.

    Casey Reply:

    @punkinmama, Anyone who clears their throat around me repetitively gets the stink eye from me.

  2. @jyl, Thank you, I’m grateful I’m able to use words for this purpose.

  3. @Brit, When Cody was in school I kept saying “Once Cody’s done with school then I can be happy…” turns out he finished school and we forgot about each other and about ever wanting to be happy. The same thing happened to my sister, she kept waiting for things to get better but they never did.
    No matter how I feel I too have to keep trucking through and making the best of each and everyday I have.

  4. @Katie, I so hope you don’t know the same kind of pain this time around. It will truly change everything if you don’t have to fear it or deal with it.