So this one time, I lived up on a really high mountain and was packing up to move to the flat wasteland wonderland of the midwest. I was all on my own because my significant other thought taking finals so he could graduate and go to law school was more important. (Overachiever.)

Have you ever tried to pack with an 18 month old around? You know, put stuff in boxes and have it stay there? It’s like trying to lick your own elbow, seems like you could do it but in all reality it’s impossible.

I kept on packing, she screamed, I let her occupy herself with anything that wasn’t combustible or shaped like a knife. She quieted down. She demanded cookies, I denied. She screamed. I ignored. She quieted down. Peace.


followed by


Apparently someone wanted my attention quite quickly at the front door. So I opened it. It was a cop. A very out of breath cop.

“Is anything wrong Miss?” he huffed.

“No?” Thinking that the neighbors had heard the screaming child and banging boxes and called me in.

“Is there a child in the house?”

“Yes.” (Oh crap, he thinks I’m a child abuser, they’re going to take my child. Oh, crap.)

“Is the child okay?”


“Ma’am, we have reason to believe your child called 911.” (Enter the moosh shrieking and laughing like a banshee from around the corner.) “Everything is okay?”

“Well, I wouldn’t give her a cookie, that made her pretty mad.”

(It was at this point that I learned that this cop wasn’t issued a sense of humor.)

“We tried to call the number back and your child answered screaming and then we couldn’t get through, you’re sure everything is okay?”

“Um, yep.” (However, as soon as you walk away from this door someone small is going to be locked in a closet for 16 years.)

(into his walkie talkie) “We have a 23-19 on 2259, the child is fine, that’s a 23-19 on 2259.”

“Sorry officer. Really. Sorry.”

“Have a good day ma’am.” was his reply through gritted teeth.

Good one the moosh, good one. Never saw THAT coming.


  1. Smart kid! And I can verify that no law officer has a sense of humor. Even off duty…

  2. Wonderful. Why don’t you look on the bright side and consider it a sign of her precociousness? Baaahaaaa!

  3. My friend’s twins got together and called her mother when they weren’t getting their way…I’m not sure which is worse.

  4. You have got to be kidding! Is this your soap opera Sunday submission? Very funny story.

    Licking your elbow, classic! 🙂

  5. So you do that inappropriate joking with people who find you not the least bit amusing thing too, huh? Yeah.

    The moosh sure won that round.

  6. I can so relate. I just recently moved with a 20-month old and a 4-year old. Seems they didn’t care to just amuse themselves while Daddy and I packed our **** up. The rules were relaxed, big time, during the move. Had to, unless we all wanted to end up in straitjackets!

  7. oh my…I see something like this in my future. Seeing that my 18 month old already knows how to hit redial.

  8. That’s an AWESOME story!

  9. The kid is firmly in charge, isn’t she?

  10. I thought it was bad that my kid calls China!

  11. Okay, that beats my 18 month old somehow ordering up porn. Try calling and explaining that indeed I DID NOT purchase that porn 24 hour pay per view.

    They ended up crediting it, but only after I begged them to just turn the station off.

  12. You’re right…it’s physically impossible to lick your elbows…I know because I just spent the last 30 seconds trying.

    I think I love your kid.

    Any hell raising rebel of yours is a friend of mine.

    And unlike her mother, I’m not cheap with the cookies.

  13. Oh my….that is great. Moosh sounds hilarious…and what’s a little cookie for some sanity?!?!?!

  14. Refusal of cookies is always an emergency situation in our house.

  15. For pete’s sake, give the child a cookie or go to jail! Take your pick.

    bwahahahahhaa! That girl is one fun child!

  16. When I was young, my mom’s work number started with “916” and we had a phone with keys that would stick from time to time.

    I tried to call her and realized that I had just dialed 911, so I hung up. They called me right back and I was horrified!

    Indeed, they were not amused.

  17. OOOOHHHHH Naughty naught Moosh!!

  18. I think every kid I know has called 911 at some point. You think the cops would be used to it! hahah.

    You should have asked HIM if he wanted a cookie! 🙂

  19. When in the midst of moving (or just trying a get in a little blog-reading), I always say —

    Give the kid a whole BOX of cookies.

    (oh, yeah, and you do know they eventually start ANSWERING the phone too, right? usually when it’s your boss or your husband’s boss or somebody’s mother-in-law — that sort of thing. yikes.)

  20. smart kid. i don’t even know if mine knows to call 911 in case of a real emergency. we’ve never discussed it. i guess we should now that she’s starting kindergarten. yikes!

  21. I am hiding this entry from my children. They will read it as an instruction manual for how to humiliate me further.

  22. I can’t get over the fact that an 18-month-old knew how to dial 911. My son is 17 months and he would have no idea.

    Oh, and like Reese I worry about dialing a wrong number. The beginning of our home phone number is very close to 911, and I get nervous every time and wonder if I dialed it wrong.

  23. Is it wrong that I tried to lick my elbow while reading this ?

  24. I made notes so that I’ll remember to always give our kid a cookie when he/she asks.

  25. *What* a girl. Next thing you know she’ll be off hosting her own blog or something. Wonder where she gets it…

  26. OMG!! LOL. I would have died of embarrassment.

    Shame he didn’t think it was funny. ROFL.

  27. Oh my! If that was me, the cop probably would have been back after more screaming from a toddler duct taped to the wall. Upside down.

  28. Ben's Nurse Lisa says:

    Holy Crap is right!!! I don’t remember calling as a child, but just a few years ago I dropped my cell into my purse and shoved it under the table at Red Lobster. I hear “hello, hello, 911, do you need help?” OOPS!! Yep…it was set to emergency mode! All you had to do was hold the #9 down 🙁

    Bennie-where you referring to my DH??? The off-duty officer you had to live w/ for a week at the beach???

  29. (To quote Homer Simpson — )”Doh!”

  30. Oh yeah and mental note: Keep the phones in a very high place until my son is 15. (Course at that age, I may need to keep the phone in a MUCH higher place.:-)

  31. ho ho. did NOT see that coming.

  32. Yikes. That beats my vagina story all to heck. I explained the 911 concept to the five-year-olds last week and am waiting for it to come back and bite me in the butt. Likely after I have sent one of them to their room….the other one will probably chain her sister to the radiator and blame me…

  33. My son called 911 twice (and they let me know–they keep a record). The second time I caught him and apologized right then and there. The first time they called back. Argh. It’s fun when they actually remember what you teach them.